I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?
Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you. But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.
If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:
“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”
If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves—can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, it says in the Bible. and it ’s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words can not be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.
The above article came from the book, “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian. It was published by Harvest House www.harvesthousepublishers.com. This is one of my (Cindy’s) favorite books! As Stormie said it so well: “I can think of no better way to truly love your husband than by lifting him up in prayer on a consistent basis. It is a priceless gift that helps him experience God’s blessings and grace.”
Putting everything else aside, there is nothing we can do for our husband that is as important as praying for him. This book gives you the inspiration and practical help to do just that. Every woman who desires a closer relationship with her husband will appreciate this refreshing look at the power of prayer in marriage, as discussed in this book. Along with real-life illustrations. Stormie also includes sample prayers and “power tools” —verses that inspire and encourage—to help wives rest in the assurance of God’s wonderful promises of restoration, renewal, and growth in marriage.
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(USA) Rachel, I am praying for you so hard. I didn’t even get half-way through your post without wanting to cry. I have so much sorrow in my heart for you right now. Rachel it is not ok for your husband to hit you. Even if you have bothered him in some way it is never ok for him to beat you. He needs help. I will be praying for him to find the Lord and for your comfort. It doesn’t matter what faults you may have, God loves you and your husband is to love you as God does.
Rachel, if you are in a situation that is unsafe please get safe before trying to work on your marriage. You are trying to get pregnant right now and I beg you to reconsider or think about why God has not answered that prayer. Do you really think it wise to bring a child into an abusive situation? I will be praying so hard for you. You talk about yourself as if you have been beaten down over the years. You need to love yourself as God loves you. You are beautiful, and perfect because you were made in HIS image.
Honey, please get safe. If you are in fear for your life you need to find refuge. You have to safe your own life before you can try (though Jesus) to save your marriage. I think maybe LT would be an awesome person to give you some advice on this. She’s an awesome person. LT, if you’re out there please post back to Rachel? I love you girl and I will be praying for you. Love, Lynne
(CANADA) Hi all. Rachel, I can’t even begin to tell what your story did to my heart. Just like Lynne, my heart was breaking into pieces for you and I’ve been praying for you daily and for your husband too. I’m not really experienced with abuse situations but I agree with Lynne. If you are in any danger leave or talk to someone who can help. If you feel God is using you in any way for sure obey Him.
You mentioned that you have some issues and whatever they are i definitely don’t think they constitute getting abused. This is time for you to be close to God, draw near to Him. He can see your pain and feel it too. Ask Him to change you and start healing you that’s the only way to go. This is not big for God. Through your pain, He shall teach you so many wonderful things and He shall heal all your wounds and give a forgiving heart. Pray for patience and wisdom. PUSH in prayer and don’t give up. As God works on you, pray for your husband fervently and don’t stop. God can and will change Him if you believe it. I can imagine that it’s not easy.
About having a child, not now, and like Lynne said. I think God can see that. I grew up in a home where my father was abusive and it messed me up so please put the child plans on hold. Wait for God’s timing. I wish you well and I hope you have someone to talk to and pray with. Immerse yourself in the word and use that to give you peace.
I like this verse: JOB 22:21-22: "Submit to God and be at peace with Him, in this way Prosperity will come to you. Accept instruction from His mouth and lay up His words in your heart." and JOB 22:27-28 "You will pray to Him,and He will hear you and you will fulfill your vows and light will shine on your ways." Only God can set you free. God’s blessings.
Lynne how you doing gal? Still in my prayers. Loads of love.
(INDIA) Dear Lynn & Anne, I am so thankful to you. I can’t begin to tell you that the physical abuse has reduced considerably over the years. Maybe because of his own guilt or whatever. I made up my mind on Saturday that come what may, I am going to make this marriage work, & I am going to be used by God to show my husband who God is.
But you know what? This man continues to criticize me. This morning he told me that I am losing my sanity because of this child issue. However much I wanted to tell him that it’s not the case, and that it’s ok for me not to have a baby and I am waiting for God’s time. If I say this, he will start shouting at me saying that’s the problem with me, that I don’t realize my mistakes & if he tells them to me, I get arrogant and don’t agree with him. What am I to do? I can’t tell you ladies how helpless and sad I feel at such times. When this man, who I love so much, is not even willing to listen to what I have to say, let alone try and understand me…
He thinks that whatever he perceives, whatever he says is right – and only that is right. Nothing else is right. Whatever others think – especially me – has always got to be wrong. If I at any point try to put my point across to him, or show him the way, he will get immensely mad at me and start calling me & my family names.
I really think I will loose my sanity if things don’t get better. He is also verbally abusive with his staff at work, and it is really embarrassing for me to walk into his office. I really wish he would heal and he could be such a nice man, so caring and so full of love.
Thank you for keeping me in your prayers. I really look forward to your words of advice time and again. It really keeps me going. Thank you and keep writing in. I think I can always pour out my heart here.
(INDIA) Dear Ladies, I haven’t been able to catch up much on all the links of everybody’s life. But I want to tell each of you that we should trust that God is mightier than all problems, and we should be strong and not loose hope.
I don’t have much hope to give when I am at such a stage in my life when I feel very dejected by life and God. I often wonder why God is making me go through all this. I just wish he would appear out of somewhere and make me rest my head on his chest and tell me what he wants me to do, and reassure me. May God take care of all of you. Love to all.
(USA) Stella, I can’t even tell you how often I have been praying for you and yours. I am glad to hear that your husband is not being physically abusive to you anymore. That has been such a prayer of mine and it will continue. You asked what you could do? How to handle the situation when your husband won’t even hear your side of things. Well all you can do is pray to God about it. Continue praying for this man and wait. God will answer your prayers. As far as you going through these tough times I suggest you read James 1:2-4. It has really helped me with everything I am going through now, because I often as God Why as well. I also suggest you read Isaiah 60:20. God promises that our days of sorrow will end. So take heart!
Then my favorite verse lately is John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take Heart! I have overcome this world." That verse always makes me feel ten feet tall and bulletproof. What ever trials we face (even an arrogant husband) it’s no match for our GOD. HE is more mighty than we could ever imagine and HE’s on our side so nothing can defeat us!!!
My verses I claim as my own are Jeremiah 29:11-12 "I say this because I know what I am planning for you," says the LORD. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you."
If God is telling you to do something then do it, and if you are suffering don’t lose faith God has good plans for you. The devil feeds you a lie and tells you that things will never get any better, and he puts up a blind so that you can’t see past your current pain. Don’t fall for it. Trust in what God has said and that is that He is planning a good future for you and that you can draw your hope from HIM. Trust GOD, and pray about what you should do and say. I love you girl and I will keep praying for you.
Anne, I am doing well thank you. I was really bad off there for a little while and was falling for some dirty tricks and lies, but the Lord has saved me from that. I was just really dwelling on my own pain again, and I was getting really angry at my situation, But I remember God’s Promise and I am not hurting anymore. How are you doing? I love you to girl and I will keep praying for you.
Ladies, How is everyone else doing? Love Ya, LYNNE
(CANADA) Hi all hope you’re all doing well. Shella how you doing? I’m glad I could help even a little bit. I can only imagine how tough the situation must be. Keep praying and for sure immerse yourself in the word. God will carry you through and you’ll rise above this situation. You can read Psalms 91, which I have come to love. I’ll be praying for you as always.
Lynne, I’m glad you’re up on your feet again. Falling always happens and that’s when we need to hold on to God with everything we’ve got. The enemy is always trying to make people give up but gal be strong and know that God has a really wonderful plan for you and your spouse. You’re in my prayers you can read Lamentations 3:22-25. God is a God of hope and He has all our lives in the palms of His hands waiting to bless us if we can only trust in Him.
I wanted to thank you and everyone who’s prayed for me and my husband. I’ve been praying a lot and reading the Bible and I continue to seek Him. We’ve been struggling with our finances for a while and I had mentioned earlier that it was really tough. God is faithful because I have seen such a huge change in my husband who has finally gotten to be wise about money (he never really cared what he used or how he used it) and that used to stress me a lot and we argued a lot. To avoid arguing I used to keep quiet about it.
I’ve prayed a lot and I finally see the hand of God in my husband. God has been giving him a lot of wisdom and this week he’s the one who actually told me we are to keep on the budget and make sure we take out the tithe before everything else. My husband has never had an issue with tithing. We just needed to obey and do the 10%. God is faithful because now that’s what we’re doing and we are FINALLY on the same page financially. I’ve prayed for this for so long.
My husband is now guiding his cousin who’s 20 yrs old and who’s making the same mistakes that my husband made. I’m so happy to see that. The best part is that he’s giving God all the glory which is amazing. We’re saving to buy a house so keep us in your prayers. God is helping both of us be wise and be content with what we have. We were able to get a loan to pay off our debt and paid them off yesterday and now all we’re paying for is the loan. Through God’s grace we will finish that off earlier than the allocated time. Keep us in your prayers coz everything happens in God’s timing.
God had closed a door last year for a loan we had applied for. I am glad coz we were not ready for that responsibility and now He’s given us that maturity and wisdom. I just wanted to share that testimony and say God is able. Nothing is too big for Him. He is mighty to save and all those who are in pain and hurting, God shares with you the pain. He’s waiting for all of you with open arms to comfort you. He’ll teach us and discipline us through our pain. God gives us more than we ask for. Ephesians 3:20. Thank you all and my prayers are with you. Lynne, hope you’re better now. Love you gal. God bless you all.
(CANADA) Hi all, I just wanted to share something with you. I was praying today and crying to God over so many things. Fears, given up dreams and lots of stuff and I felt hopeless… one of those days. I told God to give me hope and joy that can only come from Him. I read the Bible and I asked God to speak to me. I was online checking mail and all that and all of a sudden something told me to check out the Joel Olsteen web site. I’ve never been on it; I’ve watched him on TV a few times but nothing major.
Anyway, I checked it out and I listened to his sermon for this past Sunday and oh boy, didn’t God speak to me! It was about how God remembers us all the time. http://www.lightsource.com/ministry/joel_osteen_ministries. I just wanted to tell anyone who feels God has forgotten them (which we all do at one point) to please listen to his message. God has our lives in the palms of His hands and at the right time He shall give us what we desire.
I hope this helps someone out there. I also wanted to share a verse with you. ZEPHANIAH 3:17 The Lord Your God is with you, He is Mighty to Save, He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. God bless you all. Love ya. Lynn, how you doing gal?
(INDIA) Hello ladies, I sincerely thank you all for all the prayers that would have gone up in my name, & I somehow have reasons to believe that they have helped. I can’t thank you enough. My husband and I had a chat & he has somehow agreed that if I take initiative & take the first steps in controlling my tongue notwithstanding what he says, he will be more giving & thoughtful & considerate. I can just say that it is a good start. But considering that all this has happened many times before, I don’t know if it is going to last. But something in my heart says that it will last and things will work out. God will work on him.
Thank you Anne for all the inspiration that you have given me. I have been praying for your needs.
Thank you Lynne – I agree that dwelling on one’s own pain only make things worse. Lately I have experienced it, and if I keep thinking how sad things are with me, they just get sadder. But if we disregard all that and keep a positive attitude and fill our hearts with hope & faith, things suddenly begin to look up. Take care & thank you once again. Love to all.
(USA) Good Afternoon Ladies, Anne and Shella it was nice to hear from you. Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, but I have been reading and praying just haven’t had time to write. Shella I am so glad that things are getting better. I will keep praying that the Holy Spirit fills your husband. Anne, I am glad to hear that you are doing well too and that God is reminding you of His faithfulness. I have been reminded quite a bit lately to.
Things with me have been good. I went to church with my husband on Sunday. He invited me to the church that the rehab takes them to, and they allowed him to sit with me. It was really nice to sit with him and hold his hand while hearing a great message about the Lord. I was sad when it was over but I was glad I got to go. My husband really seems to be doing well, and finding the Lord again. I praise God for that because only He could make that happen.
My only fear is that this change won’t last. I just keep waiting for my husband to turn back into his normal mean self. I realize now that I am not trusting God. It is true that I don’t have any faith left in my husband right now, but I am not trusting God as I should to restore that. Please pray for me that I can stay aware of my trust issues and whom they are really towards. I love ya all. Hope every one is having an awesome day.
How is everyone? Has anyone heard from LT? I really pray she is doing well. I pray that all of my girls from the mission are doing well. Love, Lynne
(CANADA) Hi Ladies. I am glad to hear that you’re doing well. Lynne and Shella, I’m glad to hear from you. Shella, keep pushing in prayer and fasting. God never wastes a crisis and He’ll turn your pain into something so beautiful. You can read Isaiah 58:11 and Psalms 23. You’ll always find comfort in the Psalms. God is with you just trust Him.
Lynne, I’m glad that you’re doing well. It’s understandable how you might think that way, it’s fearful to trust your husband after all he’s done. On the other hand you need to remember that the enemy is gonna use that and lie to you and he’s lying to you now about your husband. The enemy’s joy is to see you fall and your marriage not succeeding and he’s not happy that your husband is doing better.
I’m reading a book by Sharon Jaynes called “Lies Women Tell Themselves.” It’s about the lies that the enemy whispers to us, and unfortunately, we believe. She has a suggestion that sounded odd and that’s the idea. I decided to share so that you can replace the devil’s lie with truth. When you think your husband is gonna go back to his old ways, add in Jesus name to the end of that sentence and you’ll know that’s the devil trying to weigh you down because the truth is, Jesus wants you to lean on Him and believe your husband is gonna be fine because his trust is in God.
Try it and you’ll see how wrong it sounds to add Jesus’ name at the end of a negative statement and after that think of a scripture or pray. John 10:10 says, “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” Remember God’s truth when the enemy comes to destroy. You’re both in my prayers. Shella, hope this helps you too. Take care ladies – God is with you – this is not impossible to God. You just have to see what God is teaching you in the process. Love you all.