A little bit of a testimony from my side… God has blessed me so much. In one week (which was 2 weeks ago), He gave me a new job with a very good salary, and someone just GAVE me a car. We know that things like these, are all blessings from God, when we walk in His path and do His will. I do trust that God also gave me this job, to keep my mind busy from pondering on the past and the OM. It has been three months now, of absolute no contact whatsoever. And my marriage is just growing stronger and stronger.

My prayers are that things would be the same for you and your husband. Yes, things are not going to be easy the fist couple of weeks back together, and still there will be many doubts from his side. I have been there… I know. Satan is now going to attack him more than ever, because now he has given a full step in God’s direction. Keep praying for him, and declare a hedge around him, around his heart, and especially around his MIND! Cause this will be his worst enemy now… the mind.

Once again I feel so humbled that there are people like you and my husband, who are willing to forgive the unfaithful spouse and to keep on loving your partner. You remind me very much of my dear husband, and I must say, your husband would soon realise how special you are by being such a good example… in always seeking God’s will, even you were at the worst end of the stick. I will continue to keep you both in my prayers, and especially your husband, cause I know, the first month back together, will be very very hard from his side. Not just will doubt sometimes overshadow him, but so will guilt… and “what if’s”… and he will probably also think a lot that you would be better of without him. But these are all thoughts from the Satan, and I pray that he would guard against them, and not give into them.

I am rejoicing with you that he has come home. And my prayers and thoughts are with you. This will probably also not be an easy time for you, but the fact that you are God-fearing woman, that you are striving to live in God’s will… is something that I know God honors and will bless you with.

Nothing is impossible with God… what a powerful statement, and so many marriages, including mine, testifies of that great and define power. Stay strong, stay focused in God’s Word. and please keep me updated. With love… and God bless. Sad–>Happy

Thank you so much for your words of encounragement and prayers. To all those seeking trust God. Do not give up. God does restore dead marriages I am a witness. Praise the Lord and God Bless!!

First of all, God loves us no matter what we do or will do, that never changes. You can pray to him anytime or about anything. He wants to hear from you and wants you to tell him what’s on your heart. He already knows anyway. Also girl, there is no easy way out, never. I have struggled and tried to end things and so has my other man. We are both Christians and have tried to make it ok, but God continues to pull at our hearts and won’t let us enjoy the love and closeness we have developed, and he never will.

It is an emotional roller coaster that at times I want off so bad and at other times I just want him! You will hear many things about what to do, but there is only one way. Sooner or later we have to face the pain. We can put it off and continue as is, but the day will come when we face the pain. Once we do that and go through it we reach the other side where the freedom and our inner selves are waiting. You will have to end both friendships. Don’t know how you will do that but only you know what kind of reason you can come up with that removes both of them from your life. Maybe move.

I have the same feelings as you about never seeing my love again. I want to be able to keep him as a friend and stop the physical, and I almost think I could do that, but men have that drive for the physical and he wouldn’t be able to live up to that and then I get hurt more.

I began to pray months ago for God to change our hearts so we can live the life he has planned for us, and I believe he is answering my prayers because the guilt has increased for us both. It is so difficult to break free Isa, but I know that with God all things are possible and we just can’t see what our lives are going to be like on the other side of this mess we’ve made. That’s where the trust comes in. We are to trust God with our lives. I am not free yet, but I believe in my Lord and he will deliver me from this and someday I will wonder what took me so long. I want a happy ending. Taylor

The man I started seeing was also about to get married to one of my closest friends. I met him before I met my husband or my friend. He was my boss a long time ago. There was always a lot of chemistry between us and one night we were at a party together and kissed. We both agreed that it was wrong and should never happen again. But it didn’t end and the relationship continued and still continues. We have had a physical relationship as well as emotional.

I have to end it but can’t find the strength to do so. I feel so small an ashamed. I have confided in another friend who has advised me to pray to God for help but I feel that I don’t have the right to ask him for help. I’m not happy with what I have done to my husband or my friend. I have read that no contact is the only way to end things but I can’t imagine never seeing him again and not sure it will work unless I also end my friendship with a wonderful friend. Sorry for rambling. Please help.

I now realise that I have not had the emotional support I needed from him as the support I started to need was because of the fact I was being strung along by him so the relationship has created a need for support. I really truly and utterly believed his lies and promises that he would leave his girlfriend. He says things like “I have never really loved anyone before I met you” and whenever I have threatened to finish things with him he says “fine that’s your choice, I’m gonna leave her anyway” and then that always convinced me to hang around because I’ve come this far I might as well wait a little longer as he’s gonna leave her, and then I will regret finishing it with him. So for many years I have actually felt trapped and have not known what to do so I chose to trust in him and believe him. It actually feels like having a carrot dangling in front of your face and he’s saying I’m gonna give you this carrot; it is actual torment.

The other day I had a moment of suddenly waking up from his stuff. He was at work and I was on the phone with him. I asked him if he would see me later (I often saw him almost every night, he said he couldn’t stand being at home and would rather be with me). He said he couldn’t see me because he had to go to his daughter’s parents evening. Her school is at the bottom of my street. Then he slipped up and said he might see me but it depends on what time he gets out of work and then said “I mean the parents evening.” I then realized that he could not see me because he was working late not because he had to attend a parents evening. I am disgusted that he would use his children for the sake of a petty lie at the time he said “I’m sorry I can’t see you; oh I hate this. I feel like I have to choose between you and the kids all the time” to which I replied feeling guilty, “It doesn’t matter, forget it.”

I drove past the school on the way to the petrol station that night as I needed to see for myself if he was lying or if I was paranoid and guess what? the school was locked up with no lights on and no parents evening. It was at that moment that I woke up and realized that if this man in which I blindly thought the “sun shone on him” could lie and drag his daughter into that lie; if he is capable of that, How could I ever trust him and if he would go to such extremities to lie then he is capable of many hurtful and bad things.

I had suspected a terrible lie from him once and I wasn’t sure if I was right because it was so ugly if it was true that I did not want to think that any human being could lie that way.

He rang me up once and said he could not see me that night as he was at the hospital because they had rushed his daughter in and she had to have an emergency operation to have her appendix out as they were about to burst. This happened on a Friday. The following Monday I asked him if he had a good day and what had he done that day he said “yeah been really busy not stopped, went picking the kids up (he named them both as he said this), from school.”

I said “Hasn’t *** had her appendix out 3 days ago? Surely they wont let her in school so soon.” He said that they did let her in. I thought right away that he was feeding me a line but it made me feel sick inside and I didn’t think he was so evil as to use his daughter’s health and life as part of a lie just not to see me, but after the other day I now know he did.

Sorry for rambling, guess I had a lot to say. I would advise anyone who is having an affair has not been with him/her for that long or is thinking of getting involved in one not to!!! It has made me feel very depressed and it is very hard and totally stupid thing to do. They never leave!!! What is the hardest is that I REALLY did believe that he would, he was so convincing.

Love is not and never is enough. Someone can promise you the earth, tell you they love you, but if you ain’t got respect and dignity from them, then it’s not worth it no matter how you feel for them.

All the things your husband said to you sounds so familiar! I have been there, and I know that is going through his mind now. I can tell you that the Holy Spirit is really convicting him, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. I didn’t admit myself back then! All I cared about was “to be happy” again. And back then I thought my happiness is most definitely not with my husband but with this other guy. Oh Lynne, I wish I can explain to you how attractive Satan’s lies are when you are in a situation like your husband. Although you KNOW what you are doing is wrong – you make yourself believe that it is for the best, that you can’t go on living “a lie” in a “loveless marriage in which you are unhappy” cause for the “first time you are experiencing real happiness”.

The fact that he is having doubts makes my heart rejoices, cause he is staring to see the truth. I can tell you, if he admitted this to you, that is a small baby step towards the restoration of your marriage. So keep on praying, I know it is hard, especially after he took one step to the front, and then after the session with his therapist took 10 steps back again. It is really such a vicious circle! The devil really hates marriages and even more so – Christian marriages, and he will try every possible thing now to let your husband overcome this battle. My advise would be, keep on praying and also pray and proclaim a “hedge” around your husband and your marriage. Keep praying that the Holy Spirit would continue to speak to his heart and soul. This is also my prayer – cause I can tell you – at this stage there is NOTHING you or I can do but pray for him. We have to leave it in God’s hands.

One thing that made me do the right thing back then, was when I saw my husband started fighting for me. Cause during that terrible time, I really felt like he doesn’t really love me and he kinda just let me go to easily. But God intervened for both us.

I think maybe my affair and the one your husband is having is a little bit different. For me it was all an emotional affair. Just like us woman are – I was drawn in by the attention this guy gave me. Anyway, no matter “how different” the affair might be, to overcome it is just as hard.

I really do believe that your husband is going through a very tough moment at this moment – although he knows what to do – which is the right thing – there are still things that would not “allow” him to do it. The stronghold of the devil is really strong during this time, but we know that God’s power is much stronger than the devil’s. So don’t give up – keep on fighting – keep on praying!!! I can tell you – your husband is experiencing convictions – but because of the sin that he still is in, to step out makes it very hard.

I will continue to pray for you and him! Even as I am writing this, I am praying and placing both of you at God’s feet! Let Him be your comfort during this. God will honor your obedience during this difficult time! All the best… and keep me updated. With love…

And yes, my life and my marriage turned around for the better once I started looking at it from God’s perspective. I learned that I should love my husband with a Godly love, just the way God loves me – unconditional and unselfish. It is so ironic, that once I put aside my own needs and longings and instead focused on my husband’s – those exact needs and longings of mine were fulfilled and met.

We really serve a great and merciful God and it so good to share what He has done for me. Like you said, the days are not always good and I can very honest – there were days that I posted on here to encourage other, where my own day was miserable and I had to fight the battle once again – but I do believe that by confessing and declaring the Word of God, and His great love and power, is part of the stepping block to overcome this battle.

Thanks for your kind words and encouragement!

You are right, you become a new person in life once you start viewing life in general from God’s perspective. Lets keep lifting each other up. The days are not always good but its a comfort to hear from those who have been saved 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. Hope, love and faith in Jesus should remain all the time.

I was guarded and tried to answer the best I could. Wanted to know what would I do if faced w/divorce papers. Said I would not fight him. Asked me about my feelings. I asked him if he was sure in his decision and he said no, that he was having doubts. Said he’s thinking about coming home before he gets too involved where he’s at.

I began to pray harder. He calls back later and says he’ll look to be coming home in 2 days. He sounded like my husband. He went to his therapist and called me after and said he’s sorry for what he said; his therapist said he needed to stick to his decision to leave and stop calling me because it gives me false hope. He said he was sorry and should not have said those things to me.

Today when I got in from work he left a message saying he is not coming back and is filing the papers. He said he’s leaving the message so I can begin the closure. I called him and he sounded cold, detached and totally a different person less than 24 hrs ago. He said he’d only be coming home for the wrong reasons. He wants to be happy and not going to let the fear of worrying that he’ll be cursed for doing this and will ask for forgiveness and move on with his life.

He doesn’t have the same convictions as me and knows what he wants. Said he has not consulted God at all. He’s doing what he wants to do to be happy. Just does not have the feelings he needs to stay in this marriage so he is ending it. God help me!!!

You ask how “we” do it? Well, I can tell you it is most definitely not “us”. It is all by the grace and power of God. If it was up to me, I would not be back at my husband now, I would not experience the great restoration God has brought into our relationship and marriage. If it was up to me… I would have proceeded with the divorce and pursued my relationship with the other guy. BUT – being a Christian, and having the Holy Spirit in me, I KNEW what I was doing was wrong. And as much as I wanted to do it, I just couldn’t. The guilt was eating me alive. And I knew the guilt would have broken everything beautiful that I thought I had with this other guy.

If I have to think back now on how I got through it – well, by the truth. The Word says the truth will set you free, and it is so true. The times when I tried stopping the affair, when the affair was still in the hidden, I just couldn’t do it. I just didn’t have the power to do out of my own – Satan had such a stronghold on me. But when my husband found out about the affair – the second time – and he got to know all the details, it was as if that stronghold was broken immediately. Fortunately, I have the most wonderful, Godly husband, who decided to forgive me and take me back. We both realized that what I did, was because of mistakes from both our sides. I don’t blame my husband for the sin I committed, cause it was out of my own choice But I had a longing for attention, which I didn’t get from my husband at that time. And unfortunately I found it with another man.

Also, I have realized that communication is just as important. Once my hubby and I started talking to each other and our needs, things started turning around for the better. Also, you will note from my posts that the first month back, was not all sunshine and roses. Still, there where times where I thought it will not work… I thought to try and do the “right thing” might not always be as easy. Until one day… where I asked God to give me “hunger” to work on my marriage. I knew if I just did it because of the “right thing”, it won’t work. I had to WANT my marriage to be restored. If this makes any sense at all?!? I asked God to restore my feelings as well for my husband.

And after two months back now… I can tell you that God has really performed a miracle once I let Him. It is like our old days, where both of us are so happy and enjoying each other, and fulfilling each other’s need. But, again, I had to WANT this and I had to ALLOW God to work. I had to push aside myself. I had to crucify myself, just like Christ did for us. Cause like I said on another topic on this website – I am sure Jesus didn’t “feel” like dying for us, but He still chose to do it. I didn’t feel like loving my husband again, but I asked God to help me. And yes, with all honesty I can now say, I do love my husband. I am happy to be back. I am happy that God has restored our relationship. I still get days where I think of the other guy, but I try and push aside with other thoughts – thoughts on God or my dear husband. Yes, it is not easy, cause I am still human. BUT I am allowing God to heal me.

Also, I want to share something with you that my old pastor always told us. In a new relationship between a girl and boy they are very much in love – so much, that when they drive together (and for the sake of this story, the guy is driving a “bakkie” where there the seat is once piece). So in the beginning the girl is always sitting right next to her boyfriend – always wanting to be close to him. As time go by, and as the “in love” feelings slowly gets less, she tends to move up further and further until she sits right on the other side next to her window with the big space between them. And the same counts for our relationship with God, in the beginning we are so close to Him, but as time go by and as we sin we move further and further away from Him. But if you look closely – the boyfriend never moved away, he stayed in the same position. It’s the same with God. God never moved away or pushed you aside. He is still, always in the same position waiting for you to come back – no matter how big or what kinda sin you did. He is still waiting for you – He will always forgive you if you ask for it. You say your sin separate you from God – but also remember that the Word also says, that NOTHING can separate us from the love of God! Yes, you moved away on that seat – but He is still in the same position, waiting for you to draw near again.

You know what you need to do – but you can only do it by God’s grace and His power. I also suggest that you get a good “girl-friend” to whom you can pour out your heart when things get tough. Someone who will be honest with you and give the right Godly advise.

I will also pray for you, for your husband and even for this other guy. I will pray that God will speak to all of you, that He will strengthen all of you. Draw closer to God and He will draw nearer to you… He is waiting for you, He is waiting to help you! Stay strong. God bless.

I have trouble like you wondering if all he said was lies and he never really cared. I have already gone through what you are going through right now. We have gone back and forth the entire time we’ve been together. He gets convicted, worried about being caught and terrified that he fell in love with me. Says he can never leave his wife and I understand that. He knows he can’t have me and seems to have resolved it in his mind that it has to end. It has to end because it is destroying me.

He met with me back in June and said he was having anxiety about how it would end and that he wanted a happy ending. We agreed to stop seeing each other and even prayed together! The next day he wanted to be with me one more and we met for one last time. Since that time we go for weeks with no physical, barely talk because I get so mad at him and discuss, discuss, discuss. He won’t let me go and won’t see me because he can’t handle it (his feelings). But he keeps that profile on the web site and is active on there daily. He says he enjoys the friendships and doesn’t see himself changing. I think he has an addiction and it was there all along.

I can’t understand why he can’t let go of the contact with me as much as I have pitched fits over the profile and been very direct with my feelings regarding it. He will say I am doing the right thing and it is for the best for us to move on, blah, blah, blah! Yet when I say goodbye and tell him to let me go and that I think it’s best he not contact me, he still txts and ask how I am. Says he likes me and misses talking to me. I must mean something to him. I don’t know if I will ever be able to get over him. I love him but hate his behavior. I feel so weak too.

I later realized the turmoil and pain I am suffering from this continuing affair. It has been unbearable at times. Always second guessing his professions of love, wondering what he is doing, wondering if he thinks about me as much as I do about him. I have changed and it is affecting me both physically and mentally. I have wanted to stop, but then am terrified of it ending at the same time. I know it has to end for things to get better.

It seems silly, but I need closure. I need for one of us to tell the other that it is over and then for all contact to end. I fear that he will try to talk me out of it and I also fear that he won’t try to, then I will have to face the reality that all he said to me was lies and he never really cared for me. It is scary and overwhelming for me. I know in time all of this will pass, but getting out of it and through all of this raw emotion is difficult. I feel so weak minded.

I need prayer and I do not know how to express my need for your prayer. It has become worse now because at times after praying and crying to God, I will feel in my heart that it is over. I will stop contact with him but I tell you, it just happens that when he calls it is like I have been waiting for him, because I will do as he asks, or sometimes I will personally call him and even make plans to see him.

What breaks my heart more is that after I have done it all I am only happy for those few hours while still with him and from there I do not have peace with myself. I will start crying again, regretting what I have just done. I have asked forgiveness many times to God for committing the same sin but I still go back and do the same thing, I am afraid now to go to God as I do not know what to say and He said in His Word that our iniquities have separated us from Him. I do not know what to do anymore. My joy of salvation is gone; I feel empty, my relationship with God is no more, I cannot pray. I sometimes ask myself a question why I am I doing this because I do not have reasons for doing this, there is nothing special about this man. Please help.

Well, I told him my view about just being “friends” and how something that starts out as innocent, turns into something much worse. He probably realised that what I was saying is true, cause he promised me he broke all contact with her now and that I can help him delete the his facebook profile as well tonight as this is a big stumbling block for me if I know he is on there having contact with her or any one else for that matter.

It took a lot of hard work from me to stay away from the OM I was involved in and even through all of this to not also phone him up again and pour out my broken heart. And I told my husband this, I said to him with all this is, he is making me fall into further temptation in what I already am in. We were also both very honest with each other, that we are really just back together because of trying to do the right thing, and we were hoping God can restore our relationship, but so far it is not working, as both of us are withdrawing from each other.

We said we are going to go for proper counseling (we live in RSA, so that website couldn’t help me, thanks in anyway) and then take it from there. Not one of us is really giving us our best, but we or I set out some conditions that if we can obey or are able to do the other’s instruction or request that would help us overcome this, we are to do so. Things that we feel we can’t do out of our own, are things that would helpfully get fixed by the counseling.

So I told him, one thing he is able to do, is to stop this contact with this girl before it goes too far. Anyway, so we will see how things go with the counseling. We both realise our hearts are not into this, and that it would only be by God’s will and power that it might work again. Cause we are just doing it to please one another and other, and to do the right thing.

I, for one have realised that it is not good to pour out my heart to the opposite sex. I have therefore taken one of my closest girlfriends into trust and told her everything and she is my pillar on which I lean on at the moment. She is a Godly woman and I appreciate her sincere but also honest replies and guidance in what I am going through. SO yes, things are really not going well, so please continue to pray for me and my husband. He is very fragile to Satan’s attacks now, and I told him, whether we might land up getting up divorced, I don’t want it to be based on him also not being faithful in our relationship. If he is trying to get me back for what I have done, we might as well just call it quits, cause we are going to hurt each other more than what we think. Hopefully the counseling can help us to make right and wisely choices cause at the moment, we both just want out. Thanks again for your prayers and encouragement.

The hardest time for me is when my husband and I are fighting; that’s when I most want to go back to the other man. Stand firm and remember… Jesus loves you and longs to be your best friend.

Go get some counselling too. I can honestly say that saved our marriage. Go to http://www.caringfortheheart.com and call them for a counsellor in your area. This is an amazing kind of couselling that can help you both recover. Another thing I have learned is that divorce would never be as glamorous as Satan wants me to think. He wants me to think that if I were just free of the man I have that all would be well. When in reality, it would just be the beginning of bondage. It may be hard for awhile, but God wants us to learn to trust Him in that time. I hold you up in my prayers. Remember God is holding you.

Later the evening, I got a sms from a special lady friend and she basically said that she has been thinking and praying for me the whole day and that she actually wanted to sms me earlier, but just didn’t get to it. And she also gave me a scripture. She doesn’t even know the whole story, so praise to God for using people to intervene for me in prayer. Although this kinda lifted my spirit, my hubby and I had a little fall out just after this.

Thing is, when I am so completely down and depressed, I automatically withdraw and get distant. I try not to and I really thought I really tried my best in not showing how down I was yesterday, but obviously I didn’t get it right. This just made me feel like I wonder if things are ever going to come out right between myself and my husband. It feels like I am just hurting him now more and more. And I sometimes wonder if a divorce wouldn’t have been for the best. I feel like my mind is telling me to stay and do the right thing, but that my heart is not in yet. I really do hope this is going to change, as I feel I am destroying so many people. Thanks for all your support! It really means a lot.

Yes you may say your marriage had problems, but YOU chose to go OUTSIDE of your marriages looking for trouble. If that same amount of energy, that went into your affairs, was spent resolving problems inside your marriages you would not be in the position you are now in. Sorry, but I am a wife that has been abandoned after 35 years of love and dedication. Your pain is SELF INFLICTED. I have to be honest; I feel little pity for you all.

Can things be made right – YES- with God’s help all things are possible. So I say REPENT before it is too late and your spouse does not want you anymore. You have been deceived by Satan with promises of a better life. You are breaking up your families (the basis of life) and this is Satan’s prime objective. Surely the end is very near.

I have never commited adultery but I get angry, I have sinful thoughts, gossip and do many other things listed together with adultery in the Bible. Who am I to judge a child of God like you? John 8:7 “… let one who has never sinned throw the first stone”. So the same way you shut your mind to evil thoughts, should be the same way you ignore discouragements from people who continue to judge you.

Pour your thoughts and worries to God in prayer. He hears prayers and has forgiven you because you are remorseful. That’s all that matters, what God thinks about you. But the spiritual battle between what you want do and what your flesh wants is far from over. So align your actions with God’s word and what you are praying for. Train your body to do what it should do (Romans 6:12-13, 16) (I Corinthians 9:27).

Now remember, what you think of, most of the time, is what will come out of you (Matthew 7:18). The evil things that appear pleasant now will sting you in the future as you have already learnt. So do not entertain adulterous thoughts or “what might have been”. The devil is treacherous and would do whatever it takes to make you fall back into sin.

One other thing, if you fight well against your thought process, the devil will not tempt you again in that area, but may come back in the form of your boyfriend wanting to take you back again (that’s a big one isn’t it). So watch out for that.

Think about these verses (Cindy has already pointed a wider range for you): Romans 8:5-8 “Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws and it never will. That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God.”

It is just so hard, cause for months this guy was a part of my life every day, always there to uplift me and make me laugh. I so badly want to contact him to say I am sorry for how things turned out. But I know any sort of contact now would be a big step back for me, as it has been 3 weeks now. I must be honest with you and say that I don’t even have the strength at the moment to pray. I keep on thinking and wondering if I really did the right thing in decided to break all ties with him and working on my marriage, cause it sure does still hurt so much. From all the posts I do realize that this feeling would eventually pass. If I could choose to not have these feelings at the moment, I would so choose it. And I don’t mean by ignoring the feelings or making as if I don’t exist, cause they do. I mean if I can choose to NOT have these feelings at all, I would, cause the pain is unbearable.

I really do have a great husband who also always just want to do the right thing. He is a very Godly man. And many would wonder why I did then what I did, but I know that although I did do it, it was Satan that got to me. The thing with us was, that we were both in ministry, and my husband even more than I. After knowing that I was living in sin, I stopped most of what I was busy with out of guilt. Problem was that my husband was so busy with activities at church, that we never had time to spend together. This is how I got lonely.

I really want to beg anyone reading this, that might be in the same position, should you or your partner be putting the church / your ministry before your wife, to please relook at things. I’ve learned that GOD is first, then your spouse and the church.

Through some of the posts, I have also seen that some people also don’t have sympathy with what we go through, and I honestly don’t blame them. But unfortunately our feelings are real and we have to learn to deal with it. I thank God for this site, cause if I were not able to express my feelings here with people that are going through the same as me and with people who got through it by the grace of God, I would have given in to the temptation right away and contact the OM.

I’ve also come to learn that, yes I had an emotional affair with someone, and whether I have met the guy or not, it was still an unfair and still wrong in God’s eyes, BUT this sin that I did is and was no different than other sin, how small or big it may be. I wonder a lot what the reason for this all was, i wonder why did I have to find someone who makes me happy and then having to choose to give it up for the sake of doing the right thing, but I know that this is God’s will and I pray that He would bless my marriage by doing this. I sometimes think and hope that I would come out strong after all this and then to be able to testify and help others in the same position. But boy, at the moment I don’t feel strong at all.

And Cindy, you are right about that I should take my thoughts captive, cause yes, he is my mind the whole time, but it is so difficult. I feel like I can just cry the whole day! I can just pray that God would take away this pain and that Satan would stop pestering me with thoughts of making this pain stop by taking my life, cause yes, this is how I feel a lot of times. I know I maybe wouldn’t have the guts to really pull it through the end, but this pain is feeling like it is eating me up.

Thank you for all your prayers… and to all those who would also be praying for me. I also want to ask that people not judge too quickly. Those of us feeling this way KNOW what we did was wrong, and maybe I speak for a lot us when I say that none of us were really looking for it, we unfortunately just fell into Satan’s trap. But we’ve decided to stand up and fight it, but the fight is not always easy.

And yes, maybe it is an addiction, and unfortunately for us, our addiction was to fall in love with someone else other than our husbands. But whether this addiction is this we are experiencing or whether it is anything else, it keeps us from drawing closer to God, and makes no difference. The only difference is that we have to decided to get out of it, and what we go through is withdrawal symptoms like any addiction would have. Rather than to judge us, please pray for us, that we would continue to stay strong and continue to seeking God’s will.

I have no sympathy or remorse for a woman who has a husband. So many out there have no one to love, and here you have a husband, and you are putting another female, like you in pain. Shame, Shame. Now you are seeking someone to tell you it’s okay and hold your hand. Who was holding the wife’s hand, while you were sleeping with her husband? How do you think she felt?

Karma comes back around. Now you are feeling what you caused her to feel. You are truly evil, and you will not go unpunished, as God is the judge. He has plainly told all of us what is right, and what he requires. Mistakes, we all make, true, certain ones, that really are over the top. This is a prime example of over the top… shame, shame, shame on you. You should fall on your knees, beg forgiveness, and stay away from such evil sins.

Being in the shoes of the married woman, my husband cheated, and is working overtime to try to make it up. It’s very hard, trust is broken, and I am broken hearted. And worse of all, how can I be sure he won’t do it again, for the sport of doing it? I know it wasn’t real to him. If it was he would still be with her. But he dropped her like a hot potato. She is angry as well.

Sure they will promise you whatever it takes to get you to do what they want. It’s all game. When it get boring, and they can’t take the pain of being without the one they truly love. They fight to get back, where the true essence of love, is — that’s with the wife. Regardless of what they say to you, it was sex, to continue to string you along. They say whatever to keep you at his beck and call.

As a married woman, sincerely, you should have more self respect for your own vows. It’s much harder for a man to forgive a woman for having an affair. Regardless of the reason, a male is not like a woman when it comes to such betrayal.

In time, I pray I will be able to accept my husband, who is treating me like the Queen I have always been. Time has to heal, and he has to continue showing me his remorse and deep regret.

As far as females like you, who would sleep with a married man, it is disgraceful to say the least. You knew this man was not yours. You contributed to the separation, in the end, where is he, back with his wife. You meant little if anything to him, as he stated in his letter to you.

I totally agree, you got what you deserve, and I hope you are wiser, and will take the knowledge from this mistake and never go that way again. Work on your own marriage. You stood before God, and vowed to forsake all others. Yet you went to another. Now you seek sympathy. My sympathy goes to the wife. She has to bear sleepless nights, him being home, not really home, and sneaking around on the cellphone to contact you. This is heartbreaking.

Now you see how she felt. Now it is your turn; karma comes back around. Thank God. You are not innocent either, you wanted him to be all your husband wasn’t, instead of working on making your marriage better. It was easier to cheat? Look at yourself now, but in all sincereness. I do hope you look and see the error of your ways, with sincere praying. God can touch your husband with forgiveness, so he may be willing to work on the marriage, and try to heal his pain.

Look at all the people, this affair hurt. Marriage is not a game… if your husband doesn’t please you sexually the way you want, help him, rent videos, read books, do what ever it takes to get him to know what you want. Going to another, creates too much pain, for all involved. I do hope you have learnt your lesson. If not you are bound to repeat it, if you don’t… very dangerous games. Do you have any clue, how many people are in the graves, because of affairs? Did you even thinks of the lives you’d ruin, over your selfish behaviour, and lack of moral values? So sad, my sympathy, as stated, is for the wife.

As I read your comment, the words came to me which are written in the Bible in Romans 7 — particularly those starting in Romans 7:15 going on through Romans 8. It seems to be a struggle that every human being has (in some form or another) — and that is to want what we shouldn’t, and do what we know we shouldn’t, but we want and reach to do it anyway — only to be all the more frustrated afterward.

The struggle to do that which would please God — that which He wants for you, will be painful as you are fighting your sinful nature. But in the end, as you become a conqueror with Jesus Christ, you will eventually experience a peace that passes all human understanding — a true peace and satisfaction.

I pray you get there in your marriage. It appears that you have a good-willed man (who has been a bit clueless in the past as to how to satisfy you — and will probably from time-to-time be there again), but don’t give up. Invest in your marriage. Lean upon the Lord to teach you how to truly love each other with God’s Agape love.

Turn your eyes to the Lord and His plan for your life and to your marriage partner rather than a man who is a temporary fantasy partner with you, but who will ultimately hurt you deeper than you could imagine in the future. Right now your imagination is playing tricks on you — it’s the “smoke and mirrors” illusion game. Once the smoke goes away and you walk away from the distorting mirrors, you will see things clearer.

For now, I encourage you to do what we’re told in 1 Corinthians 10:3-5 — take your thoughts captive and throw them out like virus letters on your computer. Don’t even go there. As you see the “subject” of the virus appearing, immediately delete and keep deleting as many times as it takes, putting good in its place instead as we’re told to do in Philippians 4:8-9. I pray you will.

I pray that some day you will write us at this web site as “Happy” or”Happy in the Lord” or “Peaceful and Contented and Joyous because of Christ”. Fight the good fight! It’s more difficult than any of us can describe, but it’s worth every effort! I’ve been there and have done that battle (in different arenas) and have come out on the other side SO MUCH better for having fought against the enemy of my peace and faith! I pray that for you! May you experience victory!

I’ve been unhappy in my marriage for years before I started this affair, and then to have had someone who made me so happy for the first time in my life, was an absolute bliss!! But my faith in God has always been the most important thing in my life, and I knew I was living in sin. Even though I felt convicted so many times, I one day couldn’t handle it anymore and moved out of the house and told my husband I wanted a divorce.

My husband had no idea where this was coming from all of a sudden. He knew we were both not giving our best, but a divorce was a total shock for him. At this time I hadn’t told him about the other guy. After the week and phone calls from the pastor and friends and family, I felt so guilty that I phoned my husband, told him about the other guy and asked if we can try again. I once again broke contact with the other guy and my husband and I went for counceling. The NC only lasted a week and we started the affair again. This happened almost 3 times. After another week of no contact with him after I tried breaking it, I just cracked one day.

The previous night I missed him so much and was so unhappy about it all, I wanted to take my own life. I didn’t sleep at all that night, and the following morning I told my husband I don’t know if I can go on this way, and I told him that I wanted to end my life. My husband got so upset that AGAIN I’d been playing with his feelings, backward and forwards, that he told me it’s over and that I should get the divorce papers ready.

I moved out again and this time for a whole month was separated from my husband. I got all the papers ready and during this time I also made contact with the other guy again. During this time of separation I was actually happy! And I thought I am doing the right thing – EVEN though the HOLY SPIRIT still tried convicting me. I knew God hates divorce, but I felt that my husband and I were just hurting each other.

To make a long story short, the day that I was going to hand the papers in, my husband made contact with me and said he missed me – this completely broke my heart and never got to the court. This was on the Wednesday. That Sunday I went to church and ironically the sermon was about “It is never to late” “God will forgive the adulterous” etc. Well, rather God-ordained than ironically.

Things started happening from there and it so happened that I once AGAIN stopped contact with the other man and moved back to my husband. My husband got to know ALL the details regarding my affair and he still decided to forgive me as he loves and wanted me back. Today it has been 3 weeks with NC with the other guy, BUT still every day I cry so much over him, as I miss him SO much and I know that I really do love him, and he loves me.

BUT I am doing the right thing by working on my marriage again, as I know this is what God wants. But it is not easy to forget the other guy, in everything I do, I see his name or something reminds me of him. This week is especially hard for me, as we would have gone away for a week as my divorced would have been finalized by now should I have proceeded with it. I keep on thinking that this week I would been with him and would have been happy instead of sitting here and missing him so much. It is very hard not to contact him again, although I’ve changed my cell phone number and email address, I still have all his details.

Our last conversation was also not a good one, we had quite an argument as both of us were hurt, so this even makes it worse, as I wonder how is doing. BUT I am really trying to stay strong, as I know this is the right thing to do. I am so scared that I would give in to the temptation – but the fact that I would disappoint so many people INCLUDING my SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST, is keeping me from doing it. But I know this week is going to be hardest of all and the test of staying faithful will be most difficult one of my life during this week. Please pray for me!

I have been married almost seven years, and most of those seven years were painful and filled with my husband and I unwittingly hurting each other. Things deteriorated, but I didn’t realize how much until I met another man. I decided I wanted to volunteer at the local soup kitchen, and he lived there as night watchman. I didn’t notice him much until someone told me that he was interested in me (he didn’t know at the time that I was married).

I fought the attraction, even told my husband about it. It went away for a while, and I thought I was all better. Then one day when I went there to meet a friend, I ended up staying all day to help do work there. He was there half the day then had to leave for awhile. I was done with my work a long time before he was supposed to come back, but I made up excuses to hang around til he came back. By this time he did know I was married, but he had kept flirting with me anyway.

When he came back, I went out to meet him, still lying to myself and saying I was just friends with him. That day he took my hand and held it to look at some cuts, and electricity jumped between us. It shook both of us and we pretended it didn’t happen, but later that night I text him and told him how I felt about him but that I knew it was wrong. He was so pleased to know I cared about him. It wasn’t the result I was looking for and I fell deeper in love with him.

The next day I sent him a text telling him we could not be together, but the next day I went to the kitchen to do some work, and I completely blew it. I threw away everything I had just told him and did everything contrary to what I had just done. By the end of that day we were holding hands and I had given him a backrub. We would go to his room alone together and that’s where everything started. Our affair was all week and the place he was with had a booth there and I had agreed to work there with them.

On Sunday my husband and I and some friends went to the fair. He was there and I took my husband to meet him. My husband knew something was up, but he thought I had dealt with it. The whole time we were at the fair I was miserable. I wanted to be with Les. I didn’t see him then until Tuesday. We worked together the whole week. Once I went back to his room with him. That is when we started hugging. In his arms I felt safe from all the hurt my husband had caused. A lot of touching went on that week. One night I was at the fair with my husband and I left before him.

Just as I left, Les text me and I told him I was leaving. He begged me to come by there and give him a hug. I refused, and then when my husband arrived home just a few minutes after I did, I was so glad I had refused. I would have had some serious explaining to do. The last night we were together before my man found out was when we kissed. He had been teasing me about kissing him and I had been telling him he wasn’t going to get a kiss. He was in his room and I went in there. We sat on the couch and he held my hand, and then somehow next thing I know we are laying side by side on the couch kissing….French kissing. This went on for a few minutes and then he had to go to work. That was the last time we were together.

That night my husband found out about us. I nearly died the first couple of days that I had to be without him. It felt like my heart was being ripped into a million pieces. I wanted to love my husband, but I was still in love with another man. It was the most terrible time in my life. I knew I wasn’t going to leave my man, because it was wrong, but I missed him so much. I wondered if he hurt as much as I did. Since my husband was watching my cell phone closely, I did not text or call him. It was pure torture. I sent him one text saying it was over, and he replied several days later. He has text twice since then, but I haven’t replied, not because I haven’t wanted to, but out of preference for my man.

I know this is the worst thing I have ever gone through. I wish I hadn’t hurt him like that. His life was already bad enough. I think that’s part of why I want to be with him so much. I want to fix his hurts and heal him. Then I realize only God can do that. Isn’t it insane how we have these good men, and we want to leave them for men who probably wouldn’t even treat us good or just want us for sex?

My husband and I went through counseling and now he is the most amazing man, but still I am not in love with him like I used to be. My heart still longs for the one who has nothing and can offer me nothing. The one who doesn’t know all the things about me like my man does. I have a wonderful man who loves me and has forgiven me. A man, who, if I would give him the passion I gave Les, would treat me like a queen forever. So why do I want a man I don’t even know, who doesn’t know me, and who has never even said he loved me; a man who has no house and no car and no job; a man who has nothing to offer me but sex and a few empty words?

Why are we women so determined to have such a needy man? Do we really think we can fix him or be happy with him? Bottom line: we want to give up something that’s good, something we know, for something bad that we want to fix. Giving up something that is so certain and wonderful for something that is so uncertain… that’s just pure insanity. It’s the excitement of the unknown, I think. It’s boredom and an idea that something else might be better and that you can overcome the odds despite of all those who have gone before you. Even though your intellect knows better, your heart wants to fool you.

No matter what the statistics, you think you can overcome them. If you are a Christian, you want to ignore what you know is right or think that it doesn’t apply to you. Even though you know that when you try to be married to someone who doesn’t share your faith, life goes sour, you still want to believe YOU can be the one to make it work; the one to reinvent the wheel.

Then after you have figured out that all that doesn’t work, you lie to yourself and try to think that you and the other man can just be friends. You think that you can see him and be his friend and nothing will happen. Then you are just plain fooling yourself. Our brains work so hard to try and find a way to make this work that we make ourselves exhausted and unhappy. If only we would just put this effort into finding a way to love our wonderful husbands again, we would be a lot better off, and a lot less miserable.

Pray to God that he gives you love for your man again. That he gives you a deep and lasting love. Pray that he replaces the lies with truth so you can see the way again. Then… when you are tempted to hate God for all the pain you are going through, remember He loves you and this wasn’t his plan for you; that you brought it on yourself, but that he is there for you and is holding your hand. He forgives you, but he is letting you go through this pain to make you stronger. If we had no pain for our sin, we might just do it over and over. The pain is making us better people, stronger people.

Hold on; be strong. The pain and hurt will not last forever. One day when you look back, you will see how far you have come and how amazing God was to spare you.

it’s great to be able to read so much about God, because God is the reason why I have ended it… I kept the tenth commandment in my mind “thou shalt not covet…” I was also so afraid that one day his wife would find any of the emails we have exchanged and then I would be the culprit for a person being hurt. I did not want that responsibility. We have only ever exchanged emails but they were intense and the reason why I am feeling such intense emotions is because THIS GUY SEEMED SO PERFECT FOR ME! Yet, as I told him, he couldn’t be so perfect because the perfect man in my life would not seek comfort with another woman while married to someone else.

Anyway, I just needed to vent… just trying to fill up this void so that I would not be tempted to contact him. He sent me an email yesterday after 3 weeks of no contact. I thanked him, sent him hugs back and managed to say the right things so that he would not contact me again (I prayed so much to God before sending that reply).

This guy is married with two young children… He has an emotional gap in his marriage and I was trying to get over a difficult time in my life because the person I loved so much left me out of the blue. We found solace in each other. We found friendship. We laughed together, we spoke about life, psychology, philosophy and God. After 8 months emailing every day while at work, I ended it because I did not want to think in a sinful way anymore. Although our emails were ‘friendly’ I guess we both knew there was an underlying game beneath them… and the reason we stopped communicating is because I asked him what was really happening between us. He answered honestly… we both realised that we had fallen in love and we were both afraid of this.

I feel lost now and empty… I know I’ve done the right thing and that if we continued communicating it would have led to physical contact and would also have brought a lot of heartbreak to many people. Doing the right thing is so hard though.

I also wonder if he is working on making his marriage better. I wonder if he is hurting as much as I am… I wonder if he will just continue his life and then start an emotional affair with another woman… and I wonder why I’m wondering. I just know that I am having difficulty in not fantasizing that one day he will turn up in my life not married… and it sickens me that I am thinking like this… such an internal struggle with good and bad thoughts!!!