The following letter was written to Diane Sollee, the founder and Director of SmartMarriages www.smartmarriages.com.
Here is what she wrote that we all should pay attention to:
I have to comment on the subject of children of divorce. I just have to say that no matter how many “rough spots” my husband and I have encountered (just the normal marriage stuff) I made a decision long ago that once we brought kids into the world, divorce was a taboo word.
I would never let these little creatures that I adore so much have to go through what I went through, with parent’s multiple ex’s, remarriages, too many step-siblings to count and just basically the loss of a family.
Although my parents divorced 40 years ago when I was 10 it still affects me today — no memories of happy family growing up, getting to know extended family and so on whereas my husband who is from a HUGE intact family full of love and closeness serves as such a contrast to what I missed.
Fortunately my kids are very close to them. I wish more people would simply come out and acknowledge the harm to children when parents have a bitter divorce. I am sure this is why I am so pro-marriage.
I had a couple yesterday with five children meet with me the first time and told me that two other therapists told them they should divorce (which I find appalling!) and instead we focused on strengths and reasons to stay married after 21 years.
We also of course discussed the hard issues they need to fix, but they left my office very pleased and hopeful.
If parents could put children first, divorce rates would go waaaaaaaaay down!
—Katherine Robredo
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1 comment so far ↓
1 Leonie // Apr 24, 2008 at 3:59 am
(SOUTH AFRICA) I agree with you. If your spouse stops being selfish and thinks about the kids that you brought into this world then I don’t think anyone of you will have an affair.
My husband left and my two boys are suffering, with the knowledge that their father is involved with a girl 15 years his junior and that she is pregnant with his baby.
My 8 year old son says that he feels his father left him and his brother and that his father does not care. He has a lot of anger towards his dad and the other person involved. I tried explaining to him that we are busy with a divorce and that his father wants to get married to his girlfriend. Parents do not know what they are doing to their kids with their own selfish behaviours.
I know what I am talking about because I went through the same thing and I feel for my boys.
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