We started off as friends and after a while we started dating, then became a couple. We disobeyed the Lord by cohabiting and falling into sexual sin. Our relationship grew sour each passing day as we struggled with the problems that married couples usually face. We started fighting about everything.

He was still in varsity and I was already working, although he is working now. He became dependent on me and I became controlling. As a result he still cannot stand up and be responsible because of the fact that I supported him in every way when he was still studying. Our personal relationships with Christ were badly affected. He started drinking alcohol and smoking, watched pornography and misusing money and we both cheated. All I can say is we were living in sin.

We started resenting each other so much over all these things we had done to each other but we eventually decided to forgive each other and still get married. I chose to forgive him completely and I went back to the Lord and repented of the life I HAD been living. We are engaged and getting married soon but we are still fighting like cats and dogs.

We have not been sexually active since when I repented which was 2 months ago and I am not planning to sacrifice my love and relationship with Christ for any man. We still live in the same house though but separate bedrooms and I have decided to tell him to move out so that I can have time to myself and pray.

He is still very spiritually lukewarm and still drinks alcohol. He says he stopped smoking and he has not cheated again and I have not cheated too. We are both unhappy not just because of our relationship but also because of taking a strain from marriage preps and our personal problems. I have doubts though because we are forever in conflict and he does not cooperate with the wedding preps or help at all. He always expects me to do everything and does not show any signs of being a future family leader or spiritual leader. I think if we marry I will be his mother forever. Please help me and advise on whether to marry him or not.

Are we doomed forever? Why have I always thought that the Lord says we must marry every time I pray, but do not always feel as if I want to marry him? And why are we so unhappy if we are supposed to get married? Are people who are suitable for each other always perfectly happy before the marriage? Is unhappiness a sign that we are not doing the right thing?
Please pray for me beloved and advise…

The enemy often use tactics such as fear to make Godly couples contemplating marriage feel as though they are making a big mistake. Fear will cause you to point out your partner’s flaws and even cause you to question and doubt the relationship itself.

The enemy tries to unravel everything that God establishes. No relationship is perfect nor will every relationship be, but the thing that we must allow God to do is mold, shape, and prepare us to take the good with the bad. Now, of course there are some things that we should not ignore and if we do not have peace,

It’s best to go to God and get his intake on the situation for some relationships need more timing so that God may bring the work to completion that he has started in the couple, but just because we don’t have peace based upon our timing doesn’t mean that God is not initiating the relationship for it is he that will have both individuals ready at the same time. We should trust God’s timing and not our own.

My concern is this: What is a real red flag and what is fear? How much of the uneasiness comes from God, revealing something in yourself or highlighting a prayer need, and what is a sign that you really need to start tiptoeing?

Personally, I am always uneasy when I think about it, but I know that my fiance and I truly support the best in each other. We are having individual problems but I don’t feel that they are too heavy to pause the wedding for. I know that if it was best to marry as soon as tomorrow, we would.

The test I’ve found helpful that others might: Ask yourself if you could get married tomorrow. Yes, it’s not the best scenario if you want people to show up or you want a great dress, but if their is authentic fear over marrying now, when your wedding is less than a year away, there might not be a change in those feelings when the time comes. This will throw you into a whole new arena of fear and probably regret.