Comments on: We Have Different Sex Drives

By: Pam

Pam — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 18:37:57 +0000

(USA) I have tried all of this advice – and it did not work for me. I have been married for 22 years. My husband and I are both believers. We have had the same issue for the last 15 years or so. He demands sex whenever he wants it. I have been forced to perform a sex act while driving in the car on the highway, in the laundry room while dinner guests are a room away, have been made late to many an ocassion because he demands it. He uses scripture to justify this (the same scriptures you cited). He needs his physical release to deal with the world (he says). This is my responsibility has his wife to fulfill this need for him, and as a Christian wife I cannot deny him. He also does not want to wonder if I will be in the mood or not – so we have to have sex on his schedule: every 48 hours, between the hours of 6:30 and 10 pm.

I have been in scripture and prayer, and decided to just “give” and go along with this – even with a good attitude. But after months (and years) I just feel used and like trash. He is NOT more attentive to my needs in any way, shape or form. He just thinks I enjoy his “routine” and feels like he can then demand more. If I am not in the mood, I just give him a hand job -he actually prefers this, because he doesn’t have to bother with me. He asks for this. He has made me feel that something is wrong with me -but I have read 5 Christian-based sex books and have found that it is not me!

So, your “promise” that being more receptive to your man in your suggested ways will solve this issue is certainly NOT TRUE.

By: Jan

Jan — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 19:39:45 +0000

(USA) You guys don’t seem to understand what it is like to having a guy HOUND you for sex every single day, multiple times a day. My husband is not a Christian. He is into porn. I know he looks at it, I know he masturbates to it. I have had to clean up the mess only to be told I wasn’t cleaning up what I knew I was cleaning up. He works at a large nightclub in a large city and comes home at 4am talking about large body parts on women he saw. How hot this one is, and that one is.

I am supposed to be okay with this because I am prettier than anyone else. He may only work at the club a couple times a month so to focus on that would be unfair. But since I have known him, it took me 6 years to break him of the habit of grabbing my crotch and breasts in public. He thinks it is normal, I think he is trying to degrade me. He wants to french kiss in public and gets mad when I won’t. I don’t want my intimacy displayed to the world, he thinks I am a prude. I have to have sex with him every day, whether I want to or not. I have been faking it for years. We have a ton of problems in the marriage but if I had to pick one thing that has caused most of my resentment – it is the way he has treated me like an object and then tells me I am crazy for feeling that way.

This morning, after we had begun, he started to get nasty with me (rude) because I wasn’t into it. For the first time in 9 years I just said "that’s it. no more" and got up. He was very angry and I don’t care. I am not going to be talked to like that right in the middle of it! I really don’t want to be with him anymore. I love and care about him as a person but I just think he doesn’t see me as a human being at all.

Now, I don’t even want him to touch me. He keeps trying to connect with sex and I don’t want him to touch me. He is also very selfish, never does what I ask for. I haven’t gotten what I want sexually in years. And he throws my stupid past in my face when he wants to save his. I say #1 – you knew about this so why did you marry me? #2 – God forgave me for this so I am NOT answering to you about it. And I walk away.

So here is my point and you don’t even have to post this message.
You can’t just assume this woman is not having sex with her husband enough. There is so much more to it than that whether you married a believer or not.
You may be uncomfortable having the discussion but that woman sounded
trapped and desperate in her life. Do you know what it is like to fight for privacy and peace every single day? And then feel guilty because society says we are supposed to "take care" of our man? I have enjoyed a lot from this website. This page is not one that I have enjoyed.

I am very grateful that although I still haven’t figured out God’s position on this – you guys are wrong. I know in my heart that you guys are wrong. You should probably apologize to that poor girl.

By: Tina

Tina — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:26:04 +0000

(USA) I too am a wife of a man who has almost no sex drive. We have been married for 7 years, was separated for 2 months in 2004 and then separated again since November of 2007. Although this is not the main issue at hand, it certainly has been an issue in the past, but due to other underlying issues, this took the back burner. I have in the past (the beginning) tried to talk about this issue, only for it to backfire. I simply have compromised so much that I am lucky if my husband and I were to make love once every two months. Obviously I felt and still do, feel rejected, undesired or unwanted. He seems to not be bothered either way.

When we do have sex, it is short and always exactly the same position. No talking, etc…I am not willing to open myself up to someone who has for years, belittled me, criticized me and attacked me in many ways. I am working very hard trying to increase my faith and working on my marriage, but we are 8 months later, still separated, and I am not too sure God wants us together.

By: Ktrbc

Ktrbc — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 05:14:53 +0000

(UNITED STATES OF AMERICA) I am in just the opposite situation as K. I am 33 years old and my husband is 38. He seems to have lost his drive. I am getting discouraged and slightly irratated. When we do have sex it may last 10 minutes. What should I do?