The Lord Jesus said: “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” In the end, wouldn’t you want to be called a child of God?

I’ve never been a touchy-feely guy, and 10 days ago I told myself I need to be more-so, but I guess just being happy, not fighting, etc. wasn’t enough. I wrote her a letter saying sorry, but she won’t have it. She says “sorry won’t fix this”. She says she has a “broken heart, a soul lost,” and that her “mind is in a dark deep hole”. She says she’s “also angry at herself for being so vulnerable, fragile and weak for letting her happiness rely on someone else.”

PLEASE HELP! I don’t know how to handle this now. She won’t talk to me, and I know I haven’t done anything really WRONG…but I have neglected the things that you talk about in your article. But I can’t just apply these things now, because she’s already snapped. Help me so I don’t lose my daughter (and my wife).

She nags, belittles, disrespects her husband, but still demands & expects TLC (tender loving care) from her now wounded, crushed husband. Everything is about what a woman needs. So why do we wonder why some men cheat? It’s absolutely wrong but if you’re not sowing good seed into your relationship isn’t it childish to expect to be cherished, when your most earnest expressions are disgust, ridicule, sarcasm and anger? When you don’t value someone it makes them vulnerable to the next person who comes along with the slightest hint of admiration or respect for them. Respecting a woman includes acknowledging her maturity to take responsibility for her actions.

I know what it’s like to be told I’m not respected, for not doing certain things. Everyone needs to be desired above all else. If you show a man respect but also that you don’t need or appreciation him, if his only worth is what he does for you, that’s a marriage of convenience. I always ask: a) Oh wife, what are you bringing to the table of your marriage? What are you doing to foster its prosperity? Or are you sitting there waiting (demanding) the he push your buttons before you’ll respect him? (“Earn your keep” mentality) b:) Are you sure you’re meeting HIS needs, or the ones you assume he has, should have, or everybody else says he does?

I’ve been married 4 yrs, have a son; my wife insists she’s playing her part taking care of the house & our son. I always told her, that’s great but I never married you for any of that. I want a companion not a maid, certainly not a Mom! c:) A wife ought to be “the greatest” inspiration to her husband. What do you inspire in yours? You can’t milk a cow you don’t feed. If you’re not feeding it, somebody will, or it will die!

All through those years I felt like my husband valued the contribution I was making in raising our children and keeping our home, but he didn’t see why keeping the house nice was so important to me. I felt as though he devalued that to our kids by making remarks about how I would get bent out of shape when things weren’t kept and clean.

After the children left home I went back to work outside of our home and I was hoping for some respect for the job that I did. I have to admit he does seem to respect my professional life, but when we have a discussion about anything and I do not share his opinon he always says that I am trying to tell him that he is wrong. I have tried to explain to him that I don’t always have to agree with him, but he makes me feel so guilty that I don’t share the same opinions as him on everything.

He makes jokes about things sometimes when I am trying to have a serious conversation and he gets upset and says he can’t even joke with me. He wants to lighten things up but I want to be serious sometimes. Then he just removes himself from the me and says that he will just stay out of my way.

I would never leave him but I am so frustrated that he will not listen and value what I try to tell him. I know I react badly to these situations and say hurtful things and that has caused bitterness over the years that is poisionous to our marriage. If you have any advice for me I would love some- If there is something I can do I will certainly try.

Sometime in May this year, we had a very bad argument and I went for the knife. I was determined to harm him. Since then, we separated because I started thinking of injuring him seriously. Since he moved, things have been better. I stay with my son and he comes to visit us whenever he can. Initially it was on a daily basis but now it reduced to once a month or so. We had agreed that I take care of our son and he pays for all the schooling.

In August, he initially refused to pay but eventually he paid up. This month, I called him telling him about the payments and he refused to pick up my call or call back. So I ended up paying. I feel bad about it but I take it to the Lord in prayer. Our son doesn’t deserve this kind of a father. No child does. I wish he could take up responsibility and spend more time with his son. I am now expecting our second child and I get cold feet just thinking how I will be alone raising two children while their father is out there not taking care of them. Please advise me on what steps I should take and pray for me… I need to be covered in prayers… for my son and unborn child too. I rest on 1 Timothy 5:8 “if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Cherishing her means my desk is never cluttered and I do all things according to her detailed demands. I think if something happened to her I’d have a hard time faking mourning. I will probably regret posting this and never appear on this site again. But in this moment it feels good to say it. She makes me feel empty.

What a wife wants could vary from what Phil has written in the article on one end to psychiatric advice on the other end of the spectrum.

I went to live with him in the states for 8 months but he didn’t show me he cherished or took care of me or helped me get a job. Now I am in Canada and working in a great job and he wants me to quit and move back there with him, but I don’t think our marriage is strong enough. It is all about him and his kids who are now young adults.

I feel my life is on hold and would like to get some answers on how to handle this. I don’t know why he married me if we are to live in separate countries. I feel every day that I should end this and move on. I wish I had the answers because I have to get off this merry-go-round. Please help me before I go crazy because I think he or me needs a wake up call. I want to leave but can’t get the courage to do it.

She doesn’t care for romantic things when I (used) to try them. She isn’t the touchy/feely type (as am I). I try taking her on dates but she doesn’t want to do more than go to a movie and dinner. I have been married 21 years now and have 4 children. OK… so what am I suppose to do?? I feel if I ask her to change her ways to fit mine, that I am asking her to love me when I think that these are natural things that exist in a happy, loving marriage.

I’m totally not comfortable. I don’t know if I’m overreacting but lately she is driving my husband’s car without anyone notifying or giving consent. In fact I feel like a trophy in this relationship because nothing is being discussed with me. All he says is I should learn to trust him because there is nothing happening between the two of them.

If she believes that, she will never give you flack for wanting to hang with your friends. But if your attitude consistently sends the message that she’s just a fill in and your real companionship comes from your friends then yeah, she will have attitude. Have you learned that a touch is like gold to a woman? Not just when you think it is leading to sex?

Most men will say I tried that. For how long? If you’ve emotionally neglected your wife for years, a random touch or two is not going to fire her up too much. She expects disappointment whether she realizes it or not. By the way, a back rub for the sake of a back rub, is a wonderful treat when its not used as foreplay.

An acknowledgment for a good idea, or that she may have some valuable, intelligent input on a given subject is good as well. Do you give your wife credit where credit is due? When one of your friends say’s, “Hey man, that really worked, good idea”, do you just take it as your due or do you say, “Man, my wife thought that up. Isn’t that cool?” Let her hear you compliment her.

Do you really care how she spends her days or are you just happy your needs are met and she isn’t a harpy? Do you listen when she talks or do you have her frequency and have it tuned out? A woman who has an active, intelligent mind and has committed herself to you is a true treasure. Are you appreciating her qualities as much with her as your wife, as you would the same traits in a co-worker?

Can someone advice us on how to deal with such a husband? I do not want to disrespect him but, marriage built on mistrust is not good either.