And nowhere does it state in the Bible that the offender has to apologize. We are to forgive. It’s that simple. There will be still consequences. Forgive, move on. Press forward. Stay in the present. Quit rehearsing your hurts. I believe I must have confessed at least 500 times a day at the beginning that I forgave my husband and asked God to bless him. Within months it was less and less that I had to do that. Now maybe once every few weeks. God is my provider, my refuge, my healer – my comfort.

However your question is certainly valid and worth asking. My personal experience (with an abusive husband) is that despite my forgiveness toward him (as I’m commanded to), he may not always (and does not) apologize or even be repentful.

So….my answer is yes, you must forgive, but it’s good to recognize, from the Holy Spirit, that someone hasn’t repented. This does not make you a sinner to see that. If you start judging him, from the flesh, because of that knowledge, then that is a sin. But just discerning unrepentance on the part of someone else is not a sin or being judgmental, nor does it nullify your forgiveness of that person.

My suggestion would be, if you have the kind of relationship where you can gently and calmly tell the person who has offended you, go ahead. Something as simple as, "That offended me. It would make me feel better if you apologized." I’ve done that before with my husband but he has to be in a certain mood for that to happen and with him, it doesn’t happen much. Only you know your relationship with the person who hurt you well enough to know if they would be open to hearing you about that, without being rude to you for it.

Hope this helps. Obviously, follow what the Holy Spirit is telling you before you do what I or anyone else tells you.

To Patricia, I’m sorry for what is happening to your family but I applaud your courage at recognizing sin in yourself and wanting to do something about it. There are a few resources on this site that will help you further in your particular situation.

Please see the following article. The article is helpful, as well as all the comments. If you look at the comments for the last 3 months or so, you will find a lot of women there struggling with the exact same type of situation you are in as well as how they are handling it. There are a lot of comments there so you can just read them at your own pace but I would recommend it (and the article, too).

http://www.marriagemissions.com/total-separation-the-right-way-to-end-an-affair/

I would also suggest looking at the resources on the following page. They have to do with emotional infidelity. Whether your affairs crossed the line into the physical or not, for women particularly, the desire for affair always starts in the heart, anyway. From an emotional need so these articles should definitely help open your eyes to why the temptation is there. I struggled with this myself (emotional neediness and unfulfillment) for years and they really helped me.

http://www.marriagemissions.com/category/emotional-infidelity/

With love to both of you and God bless you and keep you.

As far as your question, I believe it would be helpful for you to read more of the articles as well as the quotes we have posted in this section of the web site, particularly the article “Are There Times We Shouldn’t Forgive.” From what I read in the scriptures, God wants us to forgive no matter what the offense is, and regardless of the conditions. He paved the way for forgiveness when we were yet sinners and from what I perceive, He expects us to forgive without conditions attached. Reconciling takes both parties, but releasing ourselves from the entrapment of unforgiveness is for us to give regardless.

I believe it is because God cares so much for us. Bitterness and unforgiveness, once it starts to take root, continues to grow and tightens the grip it has on us until it invades our very being and every aspect of who we are and who we will become. It blinds us to reality and negatively changes how we interact with others and how we approach life. But as we work with the Lord (and keep working with Him) to break free from this insidious enemy of our soul, we will be free to approach life, the situation, and the person (or people) who hurt us, with God-given maturity. Forgiving others also hands them over to God to ultimately deal with them.

I pray the Lord helps you to sort this situation out in Truth and gives you the strength to forgive as God has forgiven you. May God bless you in your journey.