Thankfully, we found a wonderful doctor who started me IMMEDIATELY on HRT… Estratest… a combo of estrogen and testosterone. It took about three weeks before I was “normal” again… the REAL me. I’m now 71 and still take HRT and feel wonderful.

The Press greatly overestimates the risks of replacement hormones! I am an only child, but my Mom and Aunts all died at around age 55 to 60 from the consequences of Alzheimer’s. My doctor believes there IS a connection between Menopause and Alzheimer’s in certain families and that if my Mom and female relatives HAD used HRT, they may have been free of that hideous disease. On studying other women who have Alzheimer’s, I’ve found that NONE were taking HRT. So… there IS a very positive side to hormone replacement therapy. Without it, I would have committed suicide.

I know what your talking about, being a “punching bag”. You know how they say “can’t win for losing”? Thats what it is. And in that case, you lose if you defend yourself, you lose if you win, and you lose if you get walked over.

Also you really can’t complain to anyone as I’m sure you found out.

My brother and I were talking about a “leave the house” strategy with some of these women. With the Chris Henry case where he basically was killed behind some domestic violence. These arguments can spiral out of control, I’m not really one for supporting domestic violence – but god man, you can’t be a punching bag.

Also as you know, your wife’s behaviors can affect you over time. It can destroy who you are as a person or let you mess your life up. I don’t really know what else to say, but make sure you get some outside help, some medical help for the wife, church and councelling will help too. Also make sure you SHOW your wife you love her. You are not in an impossible situation like some of us.

Imagine if you will, that your wife’s affairs, your wife’s anger, your wife’s outbursts, your wife’s actions against you are all because in her mind she decides she hates you. She hates that you are a man, and that you are providing for your family. She hates that you have a penis and natural testosterone and a penis. She hates you when she loves you.

What if every affair was because she’s “hurting you” with it. What are you going to do? You’re going to convince her not to do that?

Some of us are in impossible situations, where you cheat to balance it out or you leave. The alternative is having your lifespan shortened 40 years or even to the next year in the case of Chris Henry.

But I know how you feel and talking about it, releasing that stress is going to help you.

Oh. Another thing I found that when a wife makes the home territory nearly impossible for a man… Stay out of the house.

I try to lead my family, but it turns into a battle when her seretonin or estrogen is flowing (or not). All of a sudden she is the one with a set of balls and I want to quit. I am committed to my family and am not looking for a replacement 22 year old hottie. I would never sign up for this again! Any suggestions would be great.

Men are the simplest non-animal on the planet. Have the same rules for both sides of the equation. Tim

I’m not saying all men are like this but this old chestnut about their wives not wanting sex anymore does get annoying. Of course it is important but isn’t it quality not quantity that matters? Chaps, be grateful for what you get. Relationships aren’t easy. I know that but there are other things to consider, loyalty, warm and friendship for instance.

I try to understand her and I do but there are times when I really need her and the “I don’t want to” really hurts me. I give her rubs constantly and I constantly on a daily basis tell her I love her and that she’s the most beautiful thing that God created. I really love her and will always stay by her side no matter what. I just don’t know what to do sometimes…

Fill out the information and submit it and they will contact you within a few days. They have a lot of experience in dealing with your particular situation, Jim.

Another GREAT resource could be Familylifecanada.org because they also deal with a lot of these types of issues.

You should get some good counsel and help in how to communicate with your wife. You may also get some ideas from others who monitor this BLOG. We’ll be praying for you and believing that God will open the eyes of your wife’s heart so she can see the pain and hurt her behavior is causing you. Blessings! Steve Wright

She is away visiting a friend now and we have only talked about this by phone. There is talk from both of us about splitting up which scares me to death. I only found out about this affair after she left on her trip. I try to console myself that it wasn’t really sex, just talk, but it is driving me crazy. She won’t be home for two more days and I am in bad shape. Nights are the worst. I am totally alone then with no one to talk to. Crazy thoughts go round my mind (not about hurting myself) but what else is going on behind my back? I really need advice on how to deal with her when she comes home.

We have had a good sex life. In the last year it has gone from 3 times a wk to 3 times a month. I’ve been satisfying myself, but I feel guilty, because I’m a man of God. I haven’t been with another women, neither do I plan to. It’s just difficult, because I’ve always been the giving one emotionally and it seems that I have to give more. I’m going to start some counseling (which I really can’t afford right now, but I have to do something because I feel alone and angry.)

Could this be a symptom of her going through menopause? Is "going through menopause" a permanent thing, to last for the rest of her life? Please advise me as to what to do, or at least where to start looking for help. Thank you.

I had to go through it “cold turkey” without any hormonal help because of my propensity towards cancer. And natural hormones don’t work for me either. But with a lot of prayer, gritting my teeth, biting my tongue, and having a very supportive husband, we made it through the worst of times. I guess when the wedding vow says, “For better or worse”, you could say the menopausal time is one of the worst — for all concerned!

Like LT said, it would be good to go on an aggressive search for information. Whenever there is a problem in one of your lives (or both, as in this case), it should become your mission to find ways to work through it. Persevere, as the Bible tells you!

I’m not sure if your wife would want you to share the information with her or not. Some women would be threatened by that. I wouldn’t have been. But every woman is different.

But if she sees you trying to learn about it, tell her that you want to be her partner in trying to make this transition as easy as possible for her. Tell her that you have heard that it is a very difficult time for a woman to go through and you want to make sure that you are as supportive as possible, and gathering information will help you to do that. Then you can ask her if she wants you to make copies of anything you find out. Let it be her option.

Most of all, this will be a time when she needs your unconditional love — to love the “unlovely”. If she’s going overboard emotionally and is doing some things that are extreme, try to speak the “truth in love” so she doesn’t live with too many regrets. But also be willing to be a soft shoulder to fall on and have arms that are open to hug her when she needs it. (I know this can be difficult for many men to think of, but trust me, it is very, very helpful for a woman to have this.)

Don’t look for a way to escape, but try to be Christ with skin on for her. Usually when we feel like we’re under attack, we try to find a way out of it, rather than persevering through it. But realize that it won’t last forever (even if it seems like it). If you keep praying for her and with her and for yourself, that you would treat her “as unto the Lord”, you will get through this time and come out stronger in so many ways.

I pray the Lord helps you and guides you and gives you the abundant wisdom and supernatural strength you need! May God be merciful to both of you through this time!

I’m in my 30’s so I’m not at that phase yet but I do think that part of it is the body’s way of being the "official" end of youth (although I thought that about getting my first gray hair years ago) and so some women have a more difficult time with it than others.

And because it’s such a radical physical change, some women don’t even know how to deal with themselves, let alone how to suggest to others how to deal with them. You should find as many helpful articles as you can, I believe the information you are seeking is out there and maybe even consider a book or two. You might also want to share the resources you find with your wife. God bless, LT