If he loved you he would not have sex, relationships and kids with other women. He is very uncaring by what you describe, and also he is very cruel to ask you to have an abortion. Why do you want him in your life? His affairs and cheating will only get worse because he is not even addressing the issue. You are still young enough to rebuild your life. Cut your losses, take your daughter and leave him before you find yourself totally dependant of this person and too old to care. Life and youth are precious.

Once your heart is hard, God can’t use you and it will begin to hurt you. Whatever decision you make, just be careful of that. I am determined that I am not going to change who I am just because of my husband’s infidetility and what it has come up with. I am a loving, warm person. Words like “hate” are foreign to me– I am determined to keep it that way. Don’t change who you are because of this! Don’t let this turn you into a hateful person!

Blessings again to Marriage Missions… this is a wonderful forum!

This preparation speaks of provision and I believe the lesson here is that there is a provisionary role God expects and that should be granted. Another lesson to draw from this remarkable story is that for at least a while (we don’t know how long) Hagar and Ishmael had to go away, into the wilderness. I strongly believe that there is wisdom in allowing this separation (whilst financial provision continues) between these parties because there is untold pressure – remember the fight is against spirits and not flesh and blood. So whilst a man is trying to turn away from sin, he cannot be in contact with the same spirits that caused him to sin. He needs the time apart to gather strength, walk his repetence and be restored.

It seems hard on the child but unfortunately every sin has a consequence. God forgives yes, but the consequences remain A woman who deliberately sinned in this way, knowing the man is married has unfortunately no choice nor rights but to deal with the consequences of their sin. They sadly make those choices for their children and should accept and deal with the consequences. She will have to raise that child as a single parent, and not blame ANYONE for it. Same with the man who sins in this way, he has to face up to the consequences when relating with the child.

I think its grossly unfair for expectations to be placed on the wife who has been cheated on to love the child, accept the child when 2 adults make such a choice and have an adulterous affair. Time for us to reform our thinking on all this! The Bible is clear. You sinned, yes God forgives you and loves you the same BUT the consequences are there and you must deal with them! Remain blessed!

I am in so much pain!! When will prayer and the Word be enough??!!

This is a great challenge and a great temptation for us all especially when a child resulted from the extra marital affair. all I can say is love that child and know that the Lord is always watching you; in due course he will reward us accordingly. If you mistreat the child, you are still rewarded accordingly, its the same if you love that child. I pray that we get strengthened by the spirit of the living God

1. From what I see, you don’t have many "rights" with this man because you aren’t married. You even said that you "always knew he was cheating" but you felt you could deal with it. Why would you think he would always come back if you haven’t shown him that you’re valuable enough to hold onto? Shatiqua, why would you hold your standards for how men treat you, so low? When you do this, you cheapen who you appear to be and you end up getting what you expect — nothing good.

When God loved you enough to allow you to be born, He expected you to live to a higher standard. Read the Bible and you will see this to be true. I pray you will raise your standards.

2. This man sure doesn’t seem to be fidelity-driven in any way. He is obviously driven by getting what he wants when he wants it and whoever is hurt in the process is ok with him as long as HE doesn’t personally get hurt in some way. And what’s amazing is the fact that women like yourself are letting him use you like this!

Come on Shatiqua… don’t allow yourself to be cheapened like this! You claim you "love" this man who doesn’t show he loves you in return, except to sleep with you when he wants to? What kind of love is that? And what is there to love about him? It seems like there is a lot to leave alone, but to love?

Handing over your love to this man will only cause you to be used and abused. This man obviously has charm… but behind his charm, there doesn’t seem to be a heart to love you back as you should be loved. Please consider all you are throwing away on someone who only cares about himself.

3. You obviously aren’t ready for a monogamous relationship either because as you said, you "stepped out on him three times." Again, I’m not sure what help you’re expecting if you aren’t acting in a faithful manner yourself. If you don’t act faithful, you can’t expect anyone else to be faithful to you. Whether he started the cheating, or you did, isn’t relevant… you both became cheaters. One wrong action doesn’t justify another. He justifies his actions and you justify yours. I really can’t see much difference.

4. And then there are the abortions. Having an abortion is NOT a good way of arranging for birth control and eliminating problems. These are real human beings that you are dealing with — not toys or trash to be vacuumed away. You are attempting to play God when you stop their hearts from beating.

You say that you "pray" on your situation everyday. But what do you think God is thinking of all of this? I think His heart is breaking. Please, please, please Shatiqua, raise your standards of how you’re living and what you expect from others. Someone needs to be a hero here to stop this type of behavior. You’re hurting yourself, others, and especially… you’re hurting God’s heart by living your life in a way that shows you devalue the gift of life that God gave to you, when He breathed life into you.

Be a contributor in this world to make it a better place to live — not only for yourself but for others. That’s what Christ did for you and the Bible tells us to do the same. Turn away from the bad and embrace the good. God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life, Shatiqua. I pray you will participate with Him in living out that plan. You and the whole world will be all the richer because of it.

I hope you will consider what I am writing. I only write this because I truly do care!

I am more bitter and disappointed by all of this because I had my second abortion in Jan 09 because he begged me and said that we really weren’t ready. We fought about it for weeks before I did it. I really wanted the baby but felt as if I loved him more we could work it out and make things work. I stepped out on him three times over our four year period. His count is over seven.

I have asked him if you could ask the person, who you say you love to have an abortion, why not her? He can’t answer that. I can’t bring myself to forgive him, yet I want him to stay. I don’t want her to have his baby and I know that is selfish of me but I really don’t think it’s fair to me, to watch other people have joy from my pain.

I have always known she was trouble and tried to show him but he was blind by their two way love. I really don’t know what to do. I love this man to death but can’t bear myself to deal with the child from the affair. Sometimes I tell myself if he didn’t care for her so much, I could handle it but he does and I believe that is what is killing me. I need help. I pray on it everyday.

I received Christ into my life in 1988 and forever love the Lord with all my heart. I married in 1994 and was blessed with four beautiful kids. Our marriage and family life has always been a marvel to watch. God prospered me in my area of work which compensates for my wife’s role as a housewife. In 2007 I got a senior position in government that required that I stay some 350km from home, a first experience in my nearly 15 years of marriage.

Counselling a female colleague who had marital problems landed me in the worst trouble of my life. We developed feelings for each other and currently my spiritual life has hit the kind of doldrums I never imagined. My spirit grieves daily and I’m trying so hard to flee this situation before it hurts my wife, my family and my church. I’ve let my God down terribly and daily cry for His forgiveness and restoration. I regret the moment I did not take flight when she confessed she has feelings for me. Cheating is one evil I never imagined I could fall into but now I have to deal with. IT’S SO PAINFUL!!!

We never had any boundaries in our marriage & he did as he pleased through most of our 15 year marriage. I had emotional baggage from the past & failed to recognize the warning signs.

I was pregnant with our 3Rd child in 2003, when his affair began & I found out about it during my 7Th month of pregnancy. I gave him a choice, stay or leave but again failed to lay down any boundaries. He was very remorseful & elected to remain in the marriage but refused to deal with the affair i.e.. reasons etc.

We discovered a year later that a child was conceived during his affair. He refused to deal with the whole situation stating each of us must work on our hurt in our own way. I did not want to force the issue & decided to give my his space believing he would do the right thing.

I discovered in 2008 that he was still in contact with the woman he had the affair with & had formed a relationship with the child they have together. He did not speak to me of his intentions to make contact with them, clearly because he had a "hidden agenda" in mind.

Feeling betrayed all over again & very hurt, angry, etc, I asked him to move out & have since begun my long & painful journey of restoration. I have surrendered to GOD & have put my trust in him for complete healing. I have mentioned to him that divorce is not an option for me & would prefer he institute same.

Closure is the most difficult thing for me to do & believe that if its GOD’s will, he will re-open the door again as only he is able to do.

He has also lied about his past. I discovered after six years in marriage that he had a 12 year old son. At first he pretended not to have known, only later on when I accepted the child he turned around to reveal that he did know about the child. But he never mentioned him even during our engagement.

I have honestly been going through a roller coaster of emotions dealing with all these alone but your web site has shown me that I am not alone and has also shown me a way forward in the midst of all this mess. Thank you very much.