Teri, it is really difficult for me to understand how you can “deeply love” a man who is absuing your children. Sure, the abuse may not be physical, but it IS abuse and you are the enabler. You can be sure that your sons will grow up to be like your husband (and subsequently impact – if not ruin, the future marriages of your sons, which will then be passed on to their children, etc).

That’s what happened to me. I actually thought that living in an environment filled with rage and anger was normal. In fact, as a young adult, I never felt “at peace” unless there was some extreme conflict in my marriage. That was my role model.

Long story short – it took many, many years of therapy to finally get to the place where I had to realize that the buck stops with me. I am SO grateful that my husband did not tolerate this behavior and DEMANDED that I get help (or end the marriage).

I am sorry that you feel that you are dying inside – but I have more compassion and concern for your dear sons who have a life ahead of them. Although you do not disclose the age of your children, I can bet that they “can’t wait” to finally leave home and go to college – thinking that they will be done with that chapter in their lives. Teri, your husband is their only role model that they have for how a husband and father should behave in a marriage. I can guarantee that this “pattern” will continue well into the lives of your children’s children.

For the sake of your children’s lives, please do something about this right now. I am amazed that as a parent, you’ve tolerated this behavior. Yes, your children are a blessing and therefore, as a mother, your number one priority should be to protect them.

I am sorry to be so hard on you but growing up in such an environment “almost” ruined my life and certainly ruined the life of my sister.

I feel like we all walk on eggshells when he is home and find myself looking forward to the hours he’s at work. It is only then that I can relax. He has become physical with the boys several times but it has only involved pushing so far. Sometimes he throws things. I am worried about the emotional damage occurring with my sons and am concerned that serious physical abuse is a very real possiblity. I feel like I am slowly dying inside. I pray and pray. I feel like God has greatly strengthened me and that he has blessed my children with resilience, but my husband only seems to be growing worse. I am not sure what to do next.

He loved me then, I loved him somewhat (ever hear of God arranging marriages? I wasn’t sure I loved him but married him because I thought it was God’s will). My husband fits the bill of what is described above of how he let his anger out toward me with no regard to my feelings or hurt. The incredible emotional pain he caused me finally made me separate myself emotionally from him in order to save my psyche.

The wall between us is very high and wide and I don’t know how I’ll ever bridge it or tunnel through. We’re in counselling, but I have no love for him and no desire to be with him. I am happiest when he’s gone, great fear of revealing anything about myself to him, and wonder how long I must put up with this.

I met a man this year who fell in love with me, and I feel very close to him also. There’s no sex, just talking, sharing, all the stuff that should be in my marriage. So should I leave my husband, at least for a separation to wake him up? I’m struggling with what to do. I don’t want to dishonor my Lord, but it’s so hard to give up earthly love when I’ve experienced it for the first time in decades.