I used to mourn about the little love I got from my husband. That was until I started respecting my husband and let him take the lead. Submission sounds politically incorrect but its what it is-the truth (what God requires of wives). It works for the good of both husband and wife.

I know my husband is not always right but my duties are to help him and give him suggestions. But the final decision rests with him. When I pray, I ask God to lead my house through his servant, my husband. So I can be rest assured that God is watching us and is working through my husband. The moment I try to take over, I know I am stepping out of God’s will and he may not hear my prayers. Even when I want to get things done, I have trained myself to step back and be in submission “in everything”. This gives me patience and allows me time to pray for my husband as well.

The Bible says women of the past made themselves beautiful by fearing God and submitting to their husband. Sarah even called her husband “master”. Physical beauty is good but it’s overriden by the way you live. If you want to obey God, do it all the way and not choose things that work for you.

When I submit to my husband he loves me more and he considers my opinions more. I would feel sorry for him if he stepped back and let me run the household. Women need to feel loved and men want respect. That’s what it is.

I will pray for you. I want to say to you only the little of what I have to give. No thing that you have given has escaped the eye of our Lord. Your years have not been wasted. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are a fierce daughter of the most high.

I don’t know or understand why you have had to suffer the way you have. But our Lord knows. I am praying for your comfort and your broken heart. I am so touched by your testimony. Please do not fall away.

I am your sister in Christ and I feel so much his grieving heart to you. I feel that even in this you are fellowshipping with Christ in his sufferings. I also think of Abigail in the Bible for you. Even she had a horrible relationship with her husband and I am certain she suffered much. Yet somehow she did not lose the fragrance of the Lord in her life and eventually the Lord dealt with her husband in his wisdom. The Lord will also deal with your husband according to his wisdom.

I send a cyber-hug to you. I feel that in many marriages each party will receive what they have sown. Unto righteousness or unto unrighteousness. You keep sowing to righteousness. Keep being wheat bowed down unto the Lord. Your husbands actions to this point looks like tare to me. But only the Lord knows for sure.

May the Lord comfort you. My heart hurts for you. Always, in Christ, Hanne

I became the great and very creative initiator for all aspects of intimacy (as was during our courtship). I love sexual intimacy and all the sweet nothings between a couple “in love”. The more he downplayed my efforts (at the same time taking pleasures for himself), I began to withdraw realizing this only inflamed my pain. It seemed my expression and submission of love to him had become a method for him to exercise assurance and control of me to fulfill his deep seeded insecurity.

In hindsight, I believe this relational dynamic only fed his passive-aggressive controller syndrome all the while driving me deeper in denial that he would eventually realize the depth of my pain AND HIS OWN. My pain began a manifestation of verbal snides and outbursts specially with regard to his silent passive response to my requests for walks in the evening, his out of control weight gain, etc, etc. After a few years of this I could no longer stand myself and resumed Christian counseling (he participated). It really turned me around and I began to like myself again. He was amazed and relieved of my shouting and angry tone, without a clue of his contribution to my pain.

Well, here I am after 20 years of praying, dragging him to marriage retreats, counseling, owning the greatest collection of self help books/tapes (his under piles of dust) to include years of praise for his talent in leadership outside the home while our own finances and home life have tethered on the roulette wheel excluding/disallowing my input or participation. The paradox of him excluding or denying my emotional needs substituting them providing money to keep a home, dinners out, travel to places he enjoys, church leadership void of sharing the word, has taken me over the edge. So I thought.

Recently, I learned (by accident) of his years of sexual infidelity with prostitutes and massage parlors, credit cards taken in my name, to include phone sex providers birthdays listed on his calendar while my sexy homemade nude sweet pillow talk video is hidden in a file drawer at his request fear of our daughter seeing it!!! Can you imagine??? Actually, the video is really good, ha. I am pretty with a good body, a love and foundation based on Christ, faithful in marriage (run from male advances).

I am tired, devastated, in extreme shock and pain and back to counseling to save my sanity. Our teen daughter only knows “we are having a marital crisis” (like she doesn’t already know). Ninety percent of me wants to end this marriage while ten percent of me wants to continue “understanding” and helping “him” to work through his problem. Verbalizing the later makes me throw up. Any suggestions?

A major event took place that sent me over the edge and I have not been the same since. I could not look at him and think of any good to come out of a man who caused so much pain. I, for whatever reason, now have a new heart; I believe it is because I have found God again.

My pain and emotional distress are gone and I pray every hour and or every minute that we will reconcile and make this last to the end of our life together on earth… I truly love him; he is my world. Even though I need to find something good each day and let him know. I needed him to love me, lead our family and be strong.

it may apply in some cases, and I provide it for those who are heeding the advice to work on their own stuff, as I believe it’s possible for a wife to undermine and destroy a husband’s will to lead.

http://www.familylife.com/site/apps/nlnet/content3.aspx?c=dnJHKLNnFoG&b=3832113&ct=6020463&DCMP=BAC-FLT+HP+Broadcast+Link&ATT=BoxLink

"That’s right, and sometimes, as women, we have taken up the mantle of leadership in our home, and we need to be willing to lay it down. I think often men come into a marriage, and they are willing to lead, but their wife grabs it so often from them that finally they go, "Fine, just let her have, I mean, this is not worth the fight."

Most men want peace in their home more than they want leadership. So if you give them leadership and peace, they’ll usually pick that mantle back up, and the interesting thing — I think one reason the women have reacted the way they have in the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember conferences when I’ve spoken about submission is that women really are happy to have men who lead lovingly. They are happy to have men that are strong and know what they want. They are willing to follow if the men do it appropriately, lovingly, and like this woman said, if they value her opinion and ask for her thoughts." — Cindy Easley 10/20/2008 FL Today broadcast.

The one thing I question about that is how she seems to state a conditional willingness. The statement about willing to follow IF the men lead appropriately.

I don’t see where scripture places such a condition upon the wife following. I’m not suggesting the wife sin. But in the case where there is no sin, it’s not predicated upon him leading in a loving fashion as far as I can tell from scripture.

Everything I am hearing right now is to drop it at the Lord’s feet, work on my issues, and let God do His thing on my husband. It’s hard, as a woman, to see a problem, know the resolve, and not say anything! I’m sure you’ve heard all this before… but I do want to encourage you to start looking at the positives and strengths within your husband – and tell him. Respect is a HUGE thing for him. Have you read or watched the Love & Respect book/DVDs? They are enlightening, to say the least.

I noticed you shared also that you have seen some progress. Though it’s not as much as you would like considering how long it’s taken to get this far, there is change occurring. Try to look at it as an encouragement instead of adding, ‘not much’. Maybe God is trying to do something in you too?

Trust me when I say I’m saying this to myself as much as I’m writing it to you… because I know it’s hard. I hope the heart of what I’m saying comes across … and I pray for continued strength for you… and as you press into the Lord, that you would continue to see changes in yourself and your husband. God is FOR you, not against you!

My husband is a Christian, goes to church, but is not really passionate and finds praying a chore. He is vague a lot of the time and very moody and just hard to live with. I started using the power of a praying wife 7 years ago. I have seen a little progress not much. I still feel very frustrated and pray to God for strength.

He never jokes around and it just feels like we do not connect at all. I find it hard even to have a conversation with him. Communicating is really hard. Do I stay or leave? Do I just accept this is how things are and will never change? He does not notice things even with the children and just doesn’t react. I feel for my children. We are so different. Is there anyone out there who can offer some advice, please?