Why DO affairs happen? And how do you recover from something so devastating once you find out that your spouse has cheated on you in this way?
Those are a couple of questions we’d like to address in this article, praying that the resources we send you to will help you in the ways you need it.
“As many as 65 percent of men and 55 percent of women will have an extramarital affair by the time they are forty, according to the Journal of Psychology and Christianity. A Christianity Today survey found that 23 percent of the 300 pastors who responded admitted to sexually inappropriate behavior with someone other than their wives while in the ministry.”
That’s a beginning quote from an article written by Cindy Crosby, in the Summer 2001 edition of Marriage Partnership Magazine.
We’re going to take you directly to their web site because they have a few other shorter articles, which are worth reading, at the end of this one.
To read this article:
WHY AFFAIRS HAPPEN: Prevention and Recovery
-ALSO-
“This series is for three groups of people:
- The first group are those who are satisfied in their marriage. They’re not being tempted to have an affair. This is a great series for you to listen to just to keep the home fires burning and to be encouraged and to also watch for the danger signs in your own life.
- “Secondly, this is a series for those who are being tempted.
- “The third group are those who are trapped, they’re ensnared, and they need hope and they need healing. We’re going to provide that hope and healing because this is really the purpose of this book — to guide someone out of the trap and to help bring them back to full reconciliation and restoration in the marriage relationship. “
• WHY DO AFFAIRS HAPPEN? (Day 1 of 5)
• WHAT CAUSES AFFAIRS (Day 2 of 5)
• WHERE DO AFFAIRS START? (Day 3 of 5)
• HOW DO I COME CLEAN? (Day 4 of 5)
• HOW DO I REBUILD TRUST? (Day 5 of 5)
If you have something you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
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(ZIMBABWE) I want to know how infidelity starts.
(INDIA) Dear friends, I’d like to tell you my story. I’m male, 40, and married and I have my friend. She is also married. We both are in love, we for each other. If she has a fever, I also get fever. If she hurts, at the same time I get hurt. One day she broke her hand, the next day I broke my hand… we just remember each other and we come know.
We have never had sex and we do not even wish to have sex. We both cry for each other like kids. We share all our feelings with each other… Please tell us what we need to do friend’s?
We have known each other since the last 5 years. She is in her family and I’m with my family. We will hold each other hands till the end of our life. What are we to do? Avi
(SOUTH AFRICA) Break off all ties with this woman; she is not your wife & neither are you her husband. Both of you need to pray and fast for healing of your marriages. God will heal you both.
(ZIMBABWE) My fiance and I are due to be married in December. Unfortunately, it recently came up that he was ‘dating’ some other girl. He has begged me for forgiveness and assured me that he wants to marry me and it was all a moment of weakness etc. I have found it in my heart to be forgiving.
Unfortunately, the parents of this girl banished their daughter. In my culture if your parents find out that you are sleeping with a man they can send you to him as his wife. He does not want her as his wife. She is currently staying at his uncle’s house.
I don’t know what to do. If I enter into marriage I want to do it without all this baggage. But some people are telling me this is the testing of the strength of our relationship. On the other hand, maybe this is the end of my relationship. I don’t know. Please help.
(USA) Hi Laura, I totally agree with Lo. Also, I’ve been married for 15 years to a wonderful man. Even in the BEST of circumstances, marriage is hard work. Although it may be painful (right now) not to go through with the marriage, I think that as time passes, you will see that it was the right decision Count it as a blessing that your fiance’s true character has been revealed. It’s so much better that you know now than in 10 years after you have children and an established life together. The choices then will be so much harder.
(USA) Hi Laura, I think this problem has come at the right time for you, before marriage. You are lucky to have the real situation laid bare before you. I believe you are a Christian and I would like to be honest with you. I know about huge marriage problems that may lie ahead of you and wouldn’t want you to make decisions that will hurt you for life. As you can see on this site, many married people are suffering from the negligence, infidelity and selfishness of their spouses. Having a problem like this before marriage is not a good sign.
PaChishona if someone is living at a boyfriend’s relative it’s like eloping and the boyfriend is gradually expected to accept her as his wife. You may not see it now but this woman may stay in his life as his “wife” even though they are not legally married. If she is pregnant or has a child by him, she will stay in the picture for good and that will give you a lot of headaches.
I think you have to be honest with your boyfriend right now. I know things can be very romantic before marriage with him apologizing and making promises he can’t keep. If the other girl is not pregnant or has a child, he has to make a choice now and let her go back to her family before your marriage.
Believe me, he may not be living with her but the fact that she is staying with his uncle, makes her a perfect member of the family. According to the extended family, you are the intruder because the rest of the family knows and accepts this girl in their houses. Ask your boyfriend, on what basis? So if you are to marry, she has to be completely out of the picture. Otherwise, you will be marrying somebody’s husband.
Other things to think about:
1. How long is this “weakness” of his going to continue?
2. Consider how important sexual purity is in Christian culture and the importance some men put on the virginity of their brides. So what kind of man sleeps with a girl and just leaves her because she was a “mistake” and doesn’t care what happens to her afterwards? Especially in a culture where having sex before marriage is more disadvantageous to girls.
3.Think about all the rejection this other girl is facing from both her parents and this supposedly “loving” boyfriend.
4. Maybe you need more time to really discover other things you may not know
To sum up everything, no other thing is as powerful as prayer. Please dedicate yourself to prayer and God’s word and the real truth behind this whole picture will come out before you make any big decisions. Trust God everything you do.