“I hurt all the time because I feel alone and abandoned.” • “My husband is no longer my friend.” • “The only time he pays attention to me is when he wants sex.” • “He’s never there for me when I need him the most.” • “When he hurts my feelings he doesn’t apologize.” • “He lives his life as if we weren’t married; he rarely considers me.” • “We’re like ships passing in the night, he goes his way and I go mine.” • “My husband has become a stranger to me—I don’t even know who he is anymore.” • “He doesn’t show any interest in me or what I do.”
These are complaints so many of us have all heard (and some have said) that’s at the center of a magazine article (which appeared in New Man Magazine a while back) written by Dr. Willard Harley. We’d like to share a portion of what Dr. Harley wrote on this subject of, “Why Women Leave Men” because we can all learn from what it says. Try not to just quickly skim through what it says—but really pay attention to the points that both the women and the men make on this subject because it’s at the center of so many divorces that are going on today. Dr. Harley writes:
Women tend to be more concerned about their marriages than men. They buy most of the books on marriage to try to improve them and initiate most marriage counseling. They often complain about their marriages to their closest friends and sometimes to anyone who will listen. And they also file for divorce twice as often as men. Why do women seem so dissatisfied with marriage? What do they want from their husbands? What bothers them so much about marriage that most are willing to risk their families’ future to escape it? Why do women leave men?
Each day I’m confronted by women who are extremely frustrated with their marriages. Usually, they express no hope that their husbands will ever understand what it is that frustrates them—let alone change enough to solve the problem. From their perspective, marital problems are created by their husbands who do little or nothing to solve them. Wives tend to see themselves as the major force for resolving conflicts, and when they give up their effort, the marriage is usually over.
When I talk to their husbands, they usually have a very different explanation as to why their wives feel the way they do. They often feel that the expectations of women in general and their wives in particular, have grown completely out of reach. These men, who feel that they’ve made a gigantic effort to be caring and sensitive to their wives, get no credit whatsoever for their sizable contribution to the family. They feel under enormous pressure to improve their financial support, improve the way they raise their children, and improve the way they treat their wives. Many men I see are emotionally exhausted and feel that for all their effort, they get nothing but criticism.
The simpler role of husbands in decades past has now been replaced by a much more complex and confusing role, especially in their relationships with their wives. Some conclude that women are born to complain and men must ignore it to survive. Others feel that women have come to expect so much of men that they’re impossible to please, so there’s no point in even trying. Very few men, these days, feel that they’ve learned to become the husbands that their wives have wanted, and the job seems to be getting more and more difficult.
Men’s perceived failure to satisfy their wives is punctuated by the fact that women file for divorce twice as often as men. In other words, their unhappiness with marriage often results in divorce. The most common reason women give for leaving their husbands is ‘mental cruelty.’ When legal grounds for divorce are stated, about half report they’ve been emotionally abused. But the mental cruelty they describe is rarely the result of their husband’s efforts to drive them crazy. It’s usually husbands being indifferent, failing to communicate and demonstrating other forms of neglect.
Another reason for divorce reported almost as much as mental cruelty is ‘neglect’ itself. These include both emotional abandonment and physical abandonment. Husbands that work away from the home, sometimes leaving their wives alone for weeks at a time, fall into this category.
When all forms of spousal neglect are grouped together, we find that it’s far ahead of all the other reasons combined that women leave men. Surprisingly few women divorce because of physical abuse, infidelity, alcoholism, criminal behavior, fraud, or other serious grounds. In fact, I find myself bewildered by women in serious physical danger refusing to leave the men that threaten their safety. Simply stated, women leave men when they’re neglected. Neglect accounts for almost all the reasons women leave and divorce men.
I have little trouble convincing most men that verbal and physical abuses are legitimate reasons for their wives to leave. And there has been increasing social pressure on men lately to avoid hurting their wives physically and verbally, which makes my job even easier. But neglect is a much tougher sell, and it’s also much more difficult to overcome than abuse. While it’s the most important reason women leave men, it’s hard to convince men that it’s a legitimate reason, something they should avoid at all costs.
Some of the common complaints I hear from women is, “He ignores me except when he wants sex, he sits and watches television when he could be talking to me, he rarely calls me to see how I’m doing, he hurts my feelings and then never apologizes: Instead, he tells me I’m too sensitive.”
Most husbands are mystified by these complaints. They feel that their wives demand too much, and that most other women would be ecstatic if married to them. Their wives have become spoiled, take their efforts for granted and have unrealistic expectations.
Do women expect too much of their husbands or are men doing less for their wives than they should? I’ve proven to husbands over and over again that their wives usually don’t expect too much of them, and when they understand and respond to their wives’ frustration, the complaining ends and a terrific marriage begins.
What’s more, their wives aren’t expecting more effort from them. Instead, they expect efforts in a different direction. It isn’t more difficult to please women these days; it simply requires a change in priority of effort.
What are women looking for in men? They want a soul mate, someone they trust that’s there for them when they have a problem, who takes their feelings into account when decisions are being made. Someone to whom they feel emotionally connected.”
There’s a lot more to what Dr. Harley had to say on this subject. We’re hoping that even though we’re stopping here with his comments, you’ll seek out the rest of the article in Willard Harley’s web site: www.marriagebuilders.com. He has a lot of excellent material available to those who want it. Read through the “Basic Concepts” he has listed with “The Love Bank,” “Love Busters,” and the “Policy of Joint Agreement” plus much more.
If you’ve been reading our Marriage Messages for any length of time you’ve probably come to understand that we believe there aren’t any “shortcuts” to having the kind of marriage God intends for us to have. I (Steve) remember reading in Ken Nair’s book, Discovering the Mind of a Woman, his reference to the male mentality of “vending machine” marriages. Basically, he’s referring to the thought that if we (men) put something into our marriage, we should receive a desired result.
However, it’s not that simple. We need to think more in terms of making continual deposits (meeting our wife’s needs) which collect compound-interest. That takes time and a commitment. It’s our prayer that you’ll invest the time this week in your marriage and begin to make the kind of “deposits” that will reap big dividends in the future.
God Bless!
Steve and Cindy Wright
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(USA) Seems like the blame is once again being placed on men.
I thought marriage was about what you gave, and not about what you get. So while I buy Dr Harley’s theories about the Love Bank (I spent thousands with him in counseling trying to win my unfaithful former wife back to the marriage without success.) So what Dr Harley says here is only half the story. Because while the woman has this perception that her husband doesn’t hear her, etc, what of the faithful (but clueless) husband who finally gets it, and she refuses to hear him, has her affair, etc?
I think if you combine this willful unwillingness to listen or to try on the part of the wife, with the likely indirect messages she’s been sending to him for years you have the makings of a marital disaster, and not just because of the clueless man.
As Dr Harley says, these marriages don’t involve abuse or infidelity. They involve a man who is not doing the things the woman wants him to do. So she calls it neglect.
Now I believe he should do those things. But I don’t think his failure to do those things is a valid ground for choosing divorce, let alone choosing to have an affair.
In many of Dr Harley’s other writings, he equates affairs with the rape of a spouse. Yet this is not addressed here.
Again, the man is bad is the tacit message here, but nothing about how if she chooses an affair to have her emotional needs met, that she has abused her husband in a nuclear fashion, compared to the abuse known as emotional neglect.
Choosing an affair is far and away far more hurtful and damaging to the marriage when compared to his neglect. I’m not saying he should neglect his wife. He shouldn’t. But let’s look at what Dr Harley says here. Few of these women are abused and/or cheated upon.
So I’d call the men clueless, or focused on the wrong things. I know I was. If you would have asked me, I would have said, I’m at home every night, even changed jobs so I could be home like she asked, and then she didn’t want to be with me. I made a good living, so she could be a stay at home mom, drove the kids to school and to doctors appointment or soccer practice, etc. And when I asked her how things were going, how we were, the answer was ALWAYS "fine!."
I’d say probably 9 out of 10 men who had unfaithful wives have a similar story. We have our head down, working for the family, checking with our wives and hearing the "fine." Then BAM! She’s unhappy, wants to find herself (which is code for I’m looking for myself in another man’s bed) it was a mistake to marry you, etc.
Then you go to your church, ask them to assist in getting the marriage back on track, and they blame YOU for her affair. "What did you do to cause her to have an affair?" — Nothing, people choose and are responsible for their own behavior.
"Did you beat her?" — Nope, didn’t even yell at her, even when I found out about the affair.
"Well, you must have done something wrong?" — I’m sure she has valid complaints about the marriage, none of them justify an affair, do they?
What about church discipline, you know, Matthew 18?
"We don’t do that, it doesn’t work." — It’s in the Bible, we are to try to resolve differences by first going to the alleged sinning party, and then take a few witnesses if they don’t respond and finally bring the matter before the church.
"We don’t do that, it doesn’t work."
So what’s a Godly man supposed to do when his wife’s sin, such as choosing an affair, or choosing to divorce because she feels neglected goes unchallenged by those who have set themselves up as the pro-family beacon in our society?
(US) I’d like to echo the previous poster’s comments. I, like many husbands, was left by my wife for another man. Did she have her reasons? Of course, only a crazy person would destroy a decade long relationship for no reason at all… But just because someone had a reason for doing what they did doesn’t make what they did okay.
Look, you ask any husband… "Is there anything about your wife or your marriage you would change?" And if he answered honestly, of course there is! No one is ‘perfect’, the wife does things the husband doesn’t like. He sacrifices things he’d rather not have sacrifice for her. He puts up with things he would rather not have to put up with. Etc etc etc…
But husbands aren’t looking at what they have to give or their unmet needs and using it as an excuse to walk out on their families in droves. I read a statistic the other day that 70-75% of ALL divorces are filed by the wives. I’m sorry, but i just can not believe that 3 out of every 4 husbands are Bad husbands.
All the ‘husbands’ I know are putting up with nagging wives, who do nothing but complain. If they contribute anything to the relationship at all, the husband never hears the end of it. I know TWO husbands, right of the top of my head who work (the wives don’t). The husbands do all the laundry, come home from work and cook dinner, do the dishes afterward and then spend the rest of the evening cleaning house and or other household chores… The wives rarely even get out of bed by 10am… And when they finally do get up, they spend most of their day goofing off on a computer or on the phone with their friends badmouthing their husbands.
I’ve discovered by having conversations with men I know, and wives via separate overlapping friendships, most women tell ridiculous lies about their husbands to justify their nasty attitudes towards their husbands.
Marriage is a two way street… neither party gets what they want when they want it how they want it all the time. And the problem with marriage today is obvious. We have an entire generation of women who have been taught that marriage is about being catered to, having HER needs met, and enjoying everything HE has to offer… and if things aren’t perfect, get a divorce and find another guy to leech off of… while continuing to leech off the first husband in the form of alimony, child support, etc… Women of this generation have turned marriage into a racketeering scheme.
No one condoned the age of ‘wife beating’ or guys out running around on their wives, or running off from their families. Women did it then too. No one ever thought it was OK… Now all you ever hear women say is "Men have been doing it for generations".
In other words, they say "It’s my goal in life to model the behavior of the lowliest scumbag".
Thankfully men are catching on and marriage rates are plummeting. I saw a statistic the other day that 28% of men will never marry or marry again by choice, and another 12% state they will only marry a non-US/foreign born lady or were already married to one. That’s already 40% of US males who have sworn off US females. That bears repeating… 40% of men in this country refuse to marry the women in this country. Why? It probably has something to do with the fact EVERY married man I know is relatively miserable and unhappy in his marriage. They’re working the job, supporting the family, etc… They’re kind, gentle husbands and neighbors and coworkers, and their wives? They’re mean, vindictive, self-centered, hateful people that no one but other wives wants to be around.
If you want to fix the sorry state of marriage in this country, you’re going to have to fix the sorry state of the average wife. They’re miserable cause they’re self-centered! They’re spoiled! Quit catering to them… you’re just making the situation worse.
(US) BTW, my ex-wife’s reason for running off with another man? She just didn’t love me any more.
Isn’t that just amazing? A husband is the only catagory of person someone can just magically wake up one day and not love anymore. No one ever stops loving their kids, their parents, their extended family… heck… no one even ever just stops loving their pets.
So when women stop treating their husbands worse than dogs… The state of marriage will improved.
(USA) After 12 years my wife decided to find herself, had her job, all the years of being there for her and her family through life’s events has no value seems. I did the best I could as a provider at home and work. I helped always around the home. Trouble is today’s women, not all, want fantasy land, nice cars, and trips, instead of counting their blessings in front of them.
When things were good in business/at our job, life was good. When the economy was bad it’s time to leave. These women who dishonor the covenant of marriage as no value, well, it’s a sad day in these times. Today’s wives, who leave their husbands, need to be transported back in time to pioneer days and left for a while.
The women today who leave marriage to find themselves are gathering in droves supporting each other destroying marriages. Yet when a crisis occurs after the wife departs, and you are there, be it in a hospital or other situation, I ask where’s your support group of women, in your time of need? They’re not there, because they’re home watching these manipulative talk shows or they’re out setting up to destroy another marriage. If the wife is being physically abused, she needs to get out and her husband needs a good [butt kicking].
Women who leave for greener pastures, their fantasy is short lived and the weeds start to grow fast, and their new don wan is a windbag out to get his fix and move on.
(UNITED STATES) I could not read all this heartbreaking information without responding with a poem I wrote many years ago.
The fact is that the flame of romance has gone out, and your wife is seeking to rekindle it. Maybe she’s so upset with you for whatever reason, that she just can’t imagine resolving it with you, or maybe she’s simply having regrets about a "what if" that she just can’t let go of. The bottom line is that there was a reason she married you and that reason must be rediscovered. Marriage is a two way street and EACH must give 100% of themselves into it, or it just won’t last.
So, here’s my poem:
We used to have good love
It used to be beautiful
You used to put your arms around me
And whisper in my ear
And say those words I long to hear
But you don’t do it anymore
Something’s gone I can’t ignore
Is it you or is it me
Or have I lost my sanity
Should I find somebody new
And do those things I long to do
An affair I’d have to hide
Could I do it if I tried?
The way it is I think I could
Someone to love would be so good
Someone to be with
Hold me tight
And not let me cry myself
to sleep at night…
Or can we work it out
Are you sure is there a doubt
This love I feel can’t be denied
I want to stay right by your side
So tell me what I want to hear
Whisper sweet things in my ear
Don’t let me down
Don’t let me cry
Sing to me
Love’s lullaby
(It’s not about the material things as much as the emotional things. It is nurturing that your wife needs and she is seeking it in the arms of another man, because he is working hard at winning her, and she thinks you have given up on nurturing her love.)
(USA) Vicki, It all sounds so over the top romantic. You seem to make so many assumptions, I barely know where to start.
First, it’s not ALL about emotion or romance. That’s ONE aspect of it, but one cannot live on emotion alone. And when emotion leads one to make sinful choices, then there is NO JUSTIFICATION for such choices. There is always forgiveness, but NEVER justification.
The giving of anything, time, talent or treasure is an emotional response. The man who provides for his family is not only honoring God, but is also responding emotionally to his wife.
What is extremely cruel is that such contributions are not considered romantic, or emotional but dismissed. How is dismissing such contributions considered a loving response? So while we often have women complaining about the lack of romance by the man, the irony is she is typically rejecting his romantic gestures and then complaining about the lack of romance.
It seems to me, these women have forgotten these men have chosen her, from the billions of women out there. He has brought her into his home. Often she is a stay at home mom, and he is the sole breadwinner. Yet that contribution is not seen for the emotional effort it is. It’s discounted. It might as well be rejected.
So while he is showing love to his wife by making a good living, providing for her and the children, she not only rejects the value of this contribution but considers or even has an affair, blaming him for the romantic fires going out.
Instead of speaking to him about it, or taking action to create the romance she wants, she often remains silent, and chooses another man, instead of putting that effort into her marriage.
What she wants is the fantasy of romance, without the reality of day to day living. I’m not saying the fantasy is bad. But to expect that to be the day to day reality is unrealistic.
She might say, before we married, we dated, etc. But that was before kids, before you wanted to decorate, before you wanted a yard, a garden, before you wanted to shop during the day while he worked.
Sure it was romantic before there were kids. You put all that effort you were putting into romancing him into the home and kids today.
Many call themselves romantic, yet the miss the most romantic aspect of all in marriage, being there. He comes home every night, he doesn’t cheat, doesn’t abuse, doesn’t even swear, and you fail to see the romance in this. He works during the day at a job, and at night he operates Dad’s Taxi taking kids to soccer, volleyball, karate, scouts, youth group, etc. Yet you fail to see the romance in that. He is there and has always been there for you and the kids.
But you fail to see it because it’s not like the daytime dramas or short stories in your women’s magazines. You know, that fantasy stuff.
You go to church and agree with the women about how bad porn is, but then justify the emotional porn that is fed to women that is just as unrealistic and just as damaging to relationships and intimacy as are the things that are targeted to men.
So go on, have your affairs, ignore the contributions your husbands make because they don’t match up with the standards of the magazines at the check out counters of your local market, or they don’t measure up to the standards of daytime television, or Sex and the City or Desperate Housewives.
Just disregard what the Bible says and ignore that your husband has laid down his life for you just as Christ did. He gave up being a bachelor, thinking only about himself to take you as his bride. He has done the most romantic thing possible, he has followed what the Bible teaches, and has given up his selfish existence to have a family with you.
But feel free to ignore all of that. To complain that he’s not emotionally available, or doesn’t have the emotional vocabulary, or use any of the other dozens of attacks that only seek to undermine men who are doing exactly what God wants them to do.
If you fail to see the romance in that, then I am truly heartbroken for all of those who say they want "more" when that more is nothing more than a fairy tale.
I’m sorry, life is not about telling someone what they WANT to hear. Sometimes the most loving thing in life is to tell someone the truth, even if it’s not what they want to hear.
Love is not a word, it’s an action. Anyone can say things that sound romantic. It takes real love to come home everyday, to deny one’s self and to give freely to his wife and family.
It’s my prayer that folks will wake up and see the real love that is displayed for them everyday, instead of pining away for some fairytale that is far from reality.
And the irony is, for someone to leave their spouse for love, they are proving by that action that they really don’t know what true love is.
True love doesn’t leave one’s partner. So how can one be looking for true love and leaving at the same time? It’s impossible. That’s a fantasy, not reality. True love doesn’t leave, and one looking for true love would NEVER even consider leaving.
(USA) So, I have been struggleing with my marriage. I support him through his career, I appreciate all his hard work and dedication as my husband being the provider and father of my children. He is the bread winner; I am the stay at home mom of three. I am the soccer mom, taxi driver to soccer, school and anything alse my children are involved in . I do all of these things with no complaint and enjoy it all.
I cook, clean keep myself up for my husband, do homework, work during deployments as I do all of the above. These are things I am happy to do. He expressed that I don’t give him the physical attention that he needs, bought me books, had discussions.
He expressed that he was convinced this would never change on my part. I now initiate more often and I am intimate whenever he or I desire, and enjoy it. It has always been a healthy intimacy when it happened. We just get so wrapped up in our children’s and work that it consumes us and we lose track of marital intimacy.
Now that the intimacy is better, I have heard no complaints. What I am dealing with now is, there is no nurturing initiation from him. My back aches at night from numerous things, I have to ask for massages. It would be nice to have a nice warm bath run for me to relax, or maybe a breakfast made for me every other weekend. Yes, he has done these things in the past but there is no consistancy as I have worked on keeping up with his needs. I love him dearly, but find it hard to pull communication out of him with very few words, so a lot goes unsaid to prevent a heated temper and avoid conflict on any subject out of his comfort zone.
I also have lost my little brother to a car accident in Dec, 2007. He was so supportive when he came home from deployment before the funeral, but upon his return home, he seemed to forget what I am going through. So when I have break downs he has no idea how to comfort me. I understand it is difficult, i just wish he knew how to comfort me as his wife.
We have been through counseling with my initiation. He went for the first 4-5 sessions. He then said he felt he was being blamed and stopped going and agreed to go back if we were to see a man. That has not happened.
I would never cheat as I am a faithful dedicated wife, whose life’s desire is to live a long strong healthy loving life with my husband.
(USA) Thank you Tony for responding so quickly. I just finished reading The Power of a Praying Wife, and I do understand everything you’ve said. Please understand that I wrote that poem many years ago, and am still a devoted wife to my husband of 19 years. There is a lot of romanticism in that poem, (I wrote it 5 years into my marriage) and I agree there is MUCH more to a marriage than romance.
I shared it because I mistakenly thought I could offer insight into why a wife might stray… not because she did or would. I understand too, that many times it is the person pining about the ‘missing’ romance who is the one rejecting it… this was the case with me.
You make a point that in many cases the wife is a homemaker, and does little to support the supportive aspect of the household (financially and securely speaking). But, does she prepare meals? Clean the house? Wash the clothes? Or does she waste her life in dreamland?
In my own circumstance, my husband became abusive to me, which pushed me further into a shell. I ended up suffering from a ten year long severe major depression because I couldn’t get over the idea that I’d made a huge mistake.
But the miracle came when I realized I was creating my own misery. I did leave my husband one summer, but he was generous enough to accept me back into his life, and we are now stronger for it.
I wish there was less heartache and anger in this world, but many times it is through these trials that we become better people in the end. I can only wonder that if she really was so cruel to leave you after all your effort, aren’t you better off without the burden of her worldly needs? It’s difficult to embrace rejection, but sometimes it helps to put into perspective.
I was fortunate to have a mutually forgiving experience, and the kids have been a tremendous reward for me. We still have our troubles, and we have to overcome many obstacles, but at this stage it is a welcome experience, and we are energized for it. I wish everyone could be happy, but again I am imagining the ‘fairytale’ and you are correct that many women place a heavy emphasis on this fantasy. This is what makes men and women so unique.
I only beg you to understand that when the ‘dream’ fades, and reality sets in, sometimes a simple hug is the missing element. Sometimes not… I knew a woman who was married 50 years. I asked her what her secret to a happy marriage was. She held my hand and told me that happiness is just a point of view and a good marriage takes a lot of hard work. Her secret was that she and her husband went on a date every week, even when they didn’t want to.
I thought it sounded cumbersome, but since we adopted this, my marriage has become so much stronger. And the best part is that sometimes the date is simply a walk in the woods – a freebie!
But – it is still just one perspective.
As you so eloquently point out, there are many more perspectives. Unfortunately, some women would rather leave a marriage than work at saving it.
(USA) Hi Tony, Why do women love jerks? Because jerks romance a woman. They listen to her, spend time with her, give her attention, even if that attention is in the form of abuse, insults and lies. It is preferable to no attention.
So, if you could please your wife and save your marriage by sitting a listening to her for 1/2 hour a day, INSTEAD of being a taxi (are you really "present" if you are being a taxi?) would you do it? Let the kids stay home and play in the yard instead of avoiding your wife’s complaints by driving the kids all over creation. Listen to your wife and give her what she says she wants, instead of what you THINK she wants. So what if she wants the mush she sees in the magazines? How expensive is it to compliment her? Chocolates are pretty cheap, too.
Basically, we give people what we think they want… not what they really want. I remember a man I dated asked me what I wanted for Valentine’s day. I said I wanted him to write me a letter telling me how he felt about me. Instead he spent a $100 on gifts of roses and balloons. I appreciated the gifts, but I felt sad that he had wasted his money when he was in no financial position to do so, and I was also sad that he would waste his food money rather than expose himself emotionally. I would have appreciated, treasured and remembered the letter for a life-time, probably even laminated it.
Do you get the picture? What women really want is actually probably cheaper and maybe easier than what you are giving her. And yes, what she wants will change. But isn’t just listening easier than divorce? I think for many men being "right" is preferable to being "happy." Doing it their way is better than listening to their "illogical" wives. I don’t know about you, but sometimes the high ground is a pretty lonely place.
(USA) The posted messages are very emotional. But the sad part is that the negative results like unfaithfulness and divorce have come due to the realities of what was initially stated in the article. There are situations when a man can only do so much, but most of the time before a woman becomes silent, before a woman becomes distant, before a woman gives up – there are many attempts that she has brought forth in order to send out a signal that things are not right.
The so called "nagging" that most men choose to ignore, is a woman trying to ask you to change a behavior that hurts her. Listen to her, no one ever wants to be a nag, she is only desperate for you to team up with her to make this marriage work.
The distance is the resentment that she feels for her disappointment, the behavior that you have not changed… etc. The unfaithful thoughts come after she has been ignored, traded for the Internet, etc.
I am a female in my early 30’s married for almost nine years. I too work and pay 50% of the bills. We both do house chores. We have a child who I’d love to give more attention to but I am stuck in a decent paying job that needs to be there to maintain our lifestyle; not a lifestyle that I chose but one that I agreed to. I have partly paid for his education BS and current MBA. I have been there for him even in very difficult times. I can’t say the same.
I have asked him to change – he always lets me down. I have told him that something with our lifestyle needs to change – he said that things need to be the same. I have brought to his attention time and time again that I feel ignored, traded, stuck, unloved, and unsupported. Things are still the same in over two years. Yes, I love him but am I wasting my life? I am hurt.
Listen to your wife before it’s too late. There is a reason for the NAGGING – this is good, it means that your wife is trying to work on what you have, LISTEN to her, her needs are important too. DO NOT IGNORE her. A sad, bitter woman is one that has not been loved properly. A woman need to feel loved. SUPPORT her emotionally. This is the action that makes you play your role as a man, who provides safety and shelter. BE A MAN. It’s okay to set boundaries if you think you’re doing too much. LOVE your wife and put an EFFORT into your marriage. You being there physically with no interaction with your wife isn’t healthy. Be careful when SILENCE comes; then it may be over or your wife may be there but has given up. It is time to work overtime in your marriage, don’t do it one or two days -change your perspective, work on it continuously.
You may not want to hear what the article states, you may not want to hear what the poem states, but these things are true. If she loves you and you are a good husband you will have a happy wife and home; not fairytale happy, because life isn’t a fairytale. But you know that through anything you have each other. If this balance isn’t equally distributed – then you have a volatile marriage.
(S. AFRICA) To all those dear and hurting women I have to say I fully understand. I have put up with 4 years of unfaithfulness and taken my husband back every time. I have tried showing only kindness and forgiveness. I have prayed till my knees are sore. We have been to counseling. He is now working in Libya (he signed a three year working contract without even discussing it with me). He is happy to be far away and shows no interest in the problems I have back here back home.
I have offered to sell everything and be with him but he does not want me. We have been married for 35yrs and now this. He says he does not love me anymore and it would be unfair to me if he comes back. What more can one do. I have prayed to God to intervene but if my husband closes his heart to the voice of the Holy Spirit there is not more that can be done. My husband has now stopped all communication and wants to be left alone.
I have given up. I have told him I hope he finds the happiness he is seeking for and not to come back. I am sorry and hope I have not let God down but one can only take so much rejection. I will move on with Gods strength. I will be happy again one day.