I feel that my husband doesn’t know me and I really probably dont know him. Any time we are at home alone there is usually general talk about everything else or dead silence. He also responds to me with short quick responses as though he is irritated with me. I believe that the thing that might be missing is intimate conversation. I’m not asking for it all the time but I do feel that we should be able to have that type of one on one time to catch up on us. Is this too much to ask for from your husband?

Angela, He may have felt trapped and moved out to sort things (that was truly why I did even though my wife and you and she probably felt abandoned). He may not have realized what you felt when he left. It took me 2 months to do that. If he is helping you save the house then he must still care about you. Find out what he wants for the future. Don’t play games about communicating things to him. Listen to what he says and then calmly tell him what you want. Don’t argue! If he wants to be with you then get counseling and move towards a possitive goal. Now if he doesn’t talk to you, avoids your calls, then I would think there is more going on than he’ll admit. Wow, I think I just answered my question from above. Wives am I right? Angela I am sorry for what you’re going through.

Dana, I can sort of relate to your husband. I have lots of trust and insecurities because of my first marriage. I live in fear of what happened in my first marriage. That was one reason I moved out this time. So I could be secure unlike the first time where my wife had me served with divorce and restraining orders on the same day I got paid, she took my pay and cancelled all our credit cards. I was forced to live in a car for a while. But the sad thing for you is that he moved away. I wanted to go home (several states away) to be around family but didn’t because I wanted to be near my wife.

Dana\Angela, If they don’t make an effort then you need to think of yourself and your needs. Protect yourself and your children from a spiraling down further. It takes an effort on both your parts. Tell your husbands that if they can’t make the effort to work through this then you’ll have to move on. You can’t save a marriage if both parts don’t want to save it. And again, I think I answered another one of my questions.

My husband is American and I am English. We got married in England. I phoned his family house to be told by his father he was sick. I phoned back and his father told me that my husband wanted nothing to do with me, no communication anymore, to severe all links, including my son who is 12.

I was in shock and could not believe what he was saying. He coldly told me that was it and wished me luck.
I am angry and hurt. And I do not know where I stand in the eyes of the law. I am hoping someone on here might be able to give me some advice. Kind Regards, Donna

He even told my mother in law that my texts are “getting to him.” Mind you, the texts always say how much I support him, and love him, and how proud of him i am. Gee, I am such a terrible wife !?! At any rate, I am trying to hold on until he comes home for Christmas, but I don’t know how much more I can emotionally, and even physically take. I hope there is a happy ending for this situation soon.

From what you said, you did nothing wrong. That means it’s time for you to turn to God (that’s what took you to this site). I understand you are already living with your boyfriend and I am afraid, as you may know, it’s wrong. Please go to the “Preparing for Marriage” link. I think it will renew you and it will give you the perspective of things that pleases God. It will help you start over.

Tuesday is Nick’s friends bar night, they all work together. He called me to come get him and it was early so it was more like he invited me out to drink with the guys. I was excited so I got ready and drove over. As soon as I got there I brought a stray chair over and tapped his shoulder to let him know I made it. He barely noticed me, as the night progressed his friends and the lady behind the bar were picking on him for not being around for two months so I desided to joke as well and said, “No he’s been busy working on his car since September of 2008.”

I was not trying to be mean I just wanted to be a part of the group. He became very angry and told his friend we would not be coming over and we all left. When we were driving home he became very loud and told me “Thanks for talking —- about me to everyone.” I told him I was only trying to joke with the guys since I felt left out.

It got worse once we got home. I had bug bombed the house that day and all the pets were outside and needed to be brought in. There was a cage of lizards, two cats, their food and water and the litter box all needing to come inside. I went and grabbed the lizards and was on my way back out for the cats when he was coming inside, “Are you going to help me with the cats?” I asked and he got snottier after that. He grabbed our kitten and left me to grab the other cat the food and water dish and the litter box. I told him I didn’t want to fight and told him I was sorry I hurt his feelings.

He continued to be mad through most the night not really talking or doing anything just sitting and watching a movie and not really talking to me. Then he went to bed. When I woke up the next morning he was gone, he woke up, showered, and called someone to take him to work. He wouldn’t answer my calls or texts and then came home, grabs some clothes and left to go to his friends house for who knows how long. I don’t know what happened. I know it was more than just the bar incident but he won’t talk to me. I love him and don’t want to lose him. But what can I do?

I refer you to an article on this site: http://www.marriagemissions.com/understanding-the-differences-between-men-and-women/. This is just one of many articles that have changed my views and the way I relate to my husband. We are different but complimentary –that’s how God designed it. I believe we should embrace these differences because they are for the good of the rest of the family.

Accepting our spouses is a demonstration of unconditional love and a willingness to come to their level and have empathy in areas of life that they are not best suited. Ladies, it’s a fact of life that man are more activity oriented and they believe in achievements by action and they may not find any use in talking over issues. Lets not take the situation negatively because the problem will never go away but it escalates.

My suggestions will be to actively participate in our husbands’ way of life. I know some may say men should equally participate in our interests. It comes back to the fact that us women are the ones who really value bonding the most and are badly affected when it doesn’t happen. We should therefore be proactive. If watching football the whole 3 hrs keeps you holdings hands -let it be. Before you know it you will be good buddies.

Men like sports, so it’s a good idea to learn sports. They like to work so it’s a good idea to show some interest in their meeting outcomes etc. They like to listen to the news so lets get the latest updates for them. Once you become involved in the things that take 80% of their “free time” you will be the best buddies and you will probably end up genuinely enjoying the same things. The basic Bible principles say we reap what we sow and we should “do unto others what you want them to do for you” by putting their interests first. One of us has to be willing to give in in order to get the relationship going for he better.

I know most men are not really touchy people but there is nothing wrong with taking the initiative to kiss, hug or hold hands etc. Before you know it your husband will get used to it and it becomes a norm in your household. Lastly, please don’t take rejection to heart for it spoils everything and it demotivates you.

Lets not give up but help each other for we are in the same boat.

This man is also married and is a financial disaster. His home is in foreclosure and he has 2 teenage children at home in which he is going to be hit hard with child support and alimony. I can’t help but believe that he is using her for support of his habits. The problem I have is that my wife doesn’t act like someone who wants a divorce. She has not met with or sought legal council or filed. What a mess. My patience and commitment to the woman I love is extremely strong. Till a judge says it’s final I will remain committed. Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

During the year that I lived with him he grew emotionally cold and unresponsive to me. He used work as an excuse to be out of the house. Obviously we did not get engaged. I moved back into my house (that God I didn’t sell it). My moving out was prompted by his belief that we were no good together. Mind you, he is fully capable of expressing negative comments but would never say anything positive. I personally agreed and tried to move on with my life until he started pursuing me again. He became everything that I wanted. He would beg me to come back to him promising that he had changed and that he wanted to marry me. I was smart this time and didn’t move back in. I did spend a lot of time at his house though.

Finally, on Valentine’s Day he asked me to marry him, if that’s what you want to call it. He didn’t get down on one knee and pop the question. He simply alluded to it by asking me if I would wear his ring. After I asked him why, he finally said that he wanted me to be his wife. I was happy but during the next five weeks he would get upset anytime I would try to talk to him about communication and the value I placed on it. He would simply respond, "some things I just don’t care about" and called what he considered "my issues" bull–. He said that my "complaints" were making it hard for him to be excited about our future together.

Last week we had a disagreement over what I considered his insensitivity toward me. He reluctantly said that he would work on it but remained distant and cold all weekend. I went out of town that weekend to give him space. Finally, last Sunday night everything fell apart. I was at his house and found out he had been watching porno flicks (he left one in the DVD player). This bothered me because he had been so emotionally distant from me.

He came home from work and I was at his house. Please understand that I informed him that I would be there when he arrived. He got in bed and made sure that he kept distance between us. I was already asleep and was awakened by him getting into bed. He wasn’t even going to speak to me had I not woken up. He was obviously not happy to see me after I had been out of town all weekend. I told him that I thought he was a mean a-hole to which he responded that I no longer made him happy. After probing, he finally tried to clean it up by saying that I wasn’t making him happy right then.

I gathered my things and left. I contacted him the next day and left him a voice message telling him that I was tired of the way he’d been treating me and that I wasn’t going to accept his insensitivity anymore. I told him that we have definite communication issues and we needed help. I told him to contact me when he wanted to talk about it but that I would not wait forever for him. I have not talked to him since (5 days ago).

My family is telling me to move on- he’s not worth it -that I deserve better. I have not even attempted to call him since. I’m always the one to do the patch job. Is this normal behavior for a man who 6 weeks ago wanted me to be his wife? I can’t take or understand this isolation. Am I wrong for believing that we should be able to communicate without him constantly feeling as if I’m attacking him? Should I take this as a sign from God that he’s not the one?

I had badgered him at the beginning of our marriage to open up about his feelings and talk to me, which eventually he has done. Well, according to him he "tried to do it." He tells me whenever he talks about problems he’s having, in the marriage or otherwise, I get defensive, or take things personal, or tell him he shouldn’t feel that way.

So now if and when he opens up, I sit silently and nod at the appropriate times (listening, of course!) or tell him “I understand how you could feel that way.” But now, he thinks I’m ignoring him! He doesn’t even want to talk because I have nothing to say in return! So, I guess I’m just not saying the right things? I find it hard to get into a discussion with him, I just don’t know what he expects of my half of the discussion. I need suggestions. I know my behavior is harming my marriage. I just get so tongue-tied when I’m supposed to be open and supportive!

He sleeps as far to the other side of the bed as he can when I get in… yet in the morning he seems to think all is ok. He kisses my cheek and says have a nice day when he leaves for work and tells me he loves me. Then the day goes the exact same way again. When do I give up? How much longer do I keep thinking he’s gonna talk? This has been going on for more than a week now???

I have become convinced that she is no longer interested in me in the way that I want to be interested in her. It has taken me a long time to finally realize this. Words are words and deeds are deeds. She tells me she loves me and wants to work on our marriage, but after a week or so, she is emotionally distant from me again. I feel very vulnerable because, as a man, it has taken a lot for me to put my emotions on the line. I feel as if she has no respect for me and I fear that our marriage will end in divorce. I am so sad about it. I will try again to give her unconditional love. I may even succeed. I do not feel that she cares to do the same for me and that crushes me inside. I love her so much. Unrequited love is a tough thing to come to terms with. I will continue to pray.

And you thought you had problems. :-\

He got moved to work in Dubai, but decided on a complete silent treatment with me. We have 2 sons 21 and 16. He contacts them barely once a week and refuses to bring me up acting as if I ceased to exist. He comes to London and avoids me totally, staying in a hotel.

His girlfriend lives in Paris and is half his age, totally uneducated. When I email him for finances, he responds quickly and generously but does not want to face me. Am I to assume he is waiting for me to be fed up and initiate the divorce procedures? His lack of interest tells me he hates me, yet what stops him from divorcing from Dubai?

Problems are to be dealt with the States man … guess who that is… the wife!!! They would suddenly have selective hearing, and not really listen to what you were telling them!!! Or they would spend more time with their friends, but you know something was bothering him … then you get angry and frustrated coz you are coping with his brooding, the dinner, the kids, work and homework (kids) and trying to plan for tomorrow!!!

I guess I was lucky God provided me with a better job and literally planted me where my mum is there to help me out!!! Every day I thank the Lord Almighty for her life… If it weren’t for her giving me advice and showing me that God and love needs to be the centre of any family, I would have been a single mum by now!!! Especially with my short temper and impatience!!!

I will ask him what I am doing or saying but I never get a response except I don’t want to talk about it right now, or my head hurts; I am too tried. I have even gotten so frustrated that I hit him. He told me how he can’t trust me then left me without trying to figure out the problem on top of leaving me with all the bills. This is the second time he has left for minor things with a lot of responsibility for me to figure out. Now my credit is going bad, my heart is broken and I am left with confusion.

I have completely bent over backwards asking for forgiveness but he constantly goes back to past experiences. I am ready to move forward and enjoy marriage the way it should be but it seems he is in some sort of bondage that he chooses not to face. He would rather blame me than confront the issues. I fasted weekly, pray constantly and anointed my apartment but it feels like I am still under attack. My husband went all the way to Atlanta so we can’t try and mend anything, and I don’t feel as though I deserve his treatment. I am seeking spiritual counseling as we speak to make sure I am not missing anything that I am doing wrong or to correct want I am not doing. When I read the inserts, women are confessing the same type of problems from men. Why can’t they see what they are doing to the woman and their homes? Lord, help the men of this world!

As luck would have it, this lady called Anne, from Canada, advised me to read comments from http://www.marriagemissions.com/Power of a praying wife. Also I got advice from LT, Cindy Wright and a lot of praying wives.

I read through and I have been praying for my husband who could not compliment or pay attention to me. But I am seeing some change in him. There are a lot of women trying to make their marriages work by praying for their spouses. It is not an easy road, but God will make a way for you. Trust him.

With the exception of the first year, my husband had been emotionally cold and indifferent towards me. He had emotionally abandoned and rejected me. Every time I talk to him about it, he verbally affirms his love for me, however his actions do not show it. After three different marriage counselors, two Family Life Weekends, seven years married, and no positive changes, I decided to get separated.

Two years later I made the mistake of going back with him. He did not learn or change anything (he wanted me to believe him when he cried on the phone). He didn’t even appreciate that I was back. After we got back together he has been more cold, indifferent, manipulative, and controlling than ever before. He cares so much about money and about being a materially good provider that he has completely ignored other things that are also very important for the family. He is never around. He is a "workaholic" and when he is around, he traps himself in his own world (baseball, investment analysis, and more work from his work computer).

He doesn’t talk, make conversations, or share anything unless he’s asked to. He doesn’t do anything to express a sign of love unless he wants to be in bed. The main reason for me getting back with him, was my daughter. I didn’t wanted to hurt her feelings. She could not understand her father’s problems and felt sad when he cried with her on the phone. Recently we tried again to go for counseling (this time with a spiritual counselor), but nothing changed. I’m really fed up with this man’s behavior. The worst part of all of this is that our problems emotionally affected me to the point that it took my health away…and still he doesn’t get it!

I’m trying to find some peace (in addition to reading books about the topic, including the Bible). I’m just asking God to please help me to deal with my daughter’s feelings and send this man to walk in a direction different than mine.

I’ve already tried everything that I could, to find a solution to my life, but nothing has happened. I feel like my heart is pinched between my daughter’s feelings, and my husband feelings, and it’s very hurtful, since my feelings for him have changed. If you think that there is something that has not been done, please pray!

This started quite a few years ago, and as I look in the mirror now, I realize that yes over the last couple of years, I am mad at him "all the time". I try and explain that it’s because he’s pulled out of our marriage and he won’t talk to me about the problems. His usual response is to say something about what I need to change and then goes to bed. If I wait for him to initiate the conversation, well let’s just say it’s been almost a week now, and we’ve barely spoken 10 full sentences to each other.

He hasn’t wanted to have sex with me for over 2 yrs. He doesn’t clean up after himself, he doesn’t take a shower unless he’s going to work. He pack rats to the point of the neighbors complaining. I do feel as though I’ve nagged the marriage to it’s doom. But I also feel that if he would have just listened to ONE of my griefs and tried with me to fix it, we could have worked this out. Now, I don’t know.

I have vowed to myself, not to ask anything from him, get angry with him, start a conversation other than a superficial one, or be emotional around him. The only thing this seems to be doing though, is let the rift between us get bigger and bigger. I do not even know how I feel about him anymore. When I think about leaving, I feel sad and remorseful. I feel very sick to my stomach when having to admit to myself that I’m the one that caused all of the problems in the marriage. I feel this way because he’s always got a good reason for the things he does. Wow – confused.

I would like to recommend that you (and your husband) attend a wonderful conference called, “Weekend to Remember”. It is put on by FamilyLife (a division of Campus Crusade for Christ). My wife and I attended this conference and I believe it was the turning point in saving our marriage. Their site has all the info you need on locations where the conferences are offered and registration info: http://www.familylife.com/conferences/marriage.asp

The conference is scripturally-based (tho’ not heavy-handed) and designed for couples at any stage of their relationship: married (happily, just want a booster, or troubled), pre-married (engaged and want to know how to approach their marriage scripturally-correctly head-on), and divorced. Some folks are “repeaters” because they benefited so much in the past. Some re-attend on their anniversary. And there are definitely divorced couples in the audience.

There is something cathartic, beneficial, and energizing about knowing that there are 250 couples in the room, no matter what their background, or what their history, they are ALL there–including you–for the same reason: to have a godly, loving, giving, and fulfilling marriage. In addition to the conferences, the FamilyLife website offers a variety of helpful resources, articles, publications, etc. Don’t give up on your marriage. God hasn’t given up on your marriage, your husband, or you!