MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Well, almost! There are only 11 more days until all that needs to be done to prepare for Christmas will have to be accomplished. How we pray that in the busyness of this holiday season you won’t find yourselves running FROM the Christ of Christmas as King Herod did. He had the opportunity to worship the real “King of Kings,” but he was too caught up in wanting things his way so he closed his eyes to the truth and denied and tried to destroy the Truth.

We also pray that you won’t find yourself running THROUGH Christmas as the innkeeper did. He was so busy He made no room for the CHRIST of Christmas. That’s easy for any of us to do this busy time of the year. Not only is it easy to run through the Christmas season, it’s easy to run past, around, and over each other in our marriages. Instead of making the time to talk with each other, it can be easy to talk AT each other. We know from personal experience that this can happen because we’ve been there, and done that all too often.

In more recent years though, we’ve made a concerted effort to continually work on communicating with each other. We sure aren’t perfect by any means, but we’re working towards it. We know that as we honor each other in our communication, we also honor Christ. And that is especially our goal.

In our efforts to learn all we can in this area of our marriage, we’ve come across a wonderful resource that we’d like to recommend to you in the hopes that you may benefit from it also. It’s available from the “Smalley Relationship Center “(Gary Smalley’s organization). He has a 5 tape video series available called: “Secrets to Lasting Love.” It really is an outstanding tool to help us journey into a deeper, more satisfying, and Christ honoring relationship with our spouse.

We’d like to share with you a few things covered in Session 4 because we think it could help you during this Christmas season (and throughout the year—it really is the gift that keeps on giving) so you’ll feel “Listened to, Understood and Validated” so “then as a team you both can Resolve the conflict with a win/win solution.” Gary Smalley states:

The goal for finding a workable and mutually satisfying solution is to discover one that those involved feel good about. We call this a win/win solution. The main rule for finding a win/win solution isn’t to finalize anything until both individuals in the argument have been heard, understood and feel valued by each other.

[This is done when one spouse states in a respectful manner, without being interrupted, what they feel because of a certain situation that needs discussing. And then the other spouse repeats, in an honoring way what they think the other spouse said —re-clarifying until the other spouse is sure they’ve truly been understood. And then they switch places so the other person’s able to speak, without interruption about their feelings over the situation and have the other spouse respectably repeats what they thought they’d heard re-clarifying until the other spouse is sure they’ve been truly understood.]

After sharing and having your feelings and needs understood, many times, the solution’s obvious. Sometimes it’s not, however, apparent to everyone (and that’s when a win/win solution needs to be developed). “When two people get into an argument, usually they have their own solution to the problem.”

But a “win/win” solution is when both individuals brainstorm several additional solutions by letting them go like balloons up in the air. At first, you don’t evaluate the possible solutions. After all ideas are “up in the air” then both individuals evaluate and determine if there’s one solution that they both like. They leave their original impasse, and find another answer that they both agree is the best solution to their problem. Thus, they reach a “win/win” resolution.

What we’ve given you here is just a thumb nail sketch of how to resolve conflict. There’s so much more to this. But we’re hoping this will give you enough to help you at this time of year when tensions can boil over. We highly recommend this video series and hope that you or your church will be able to purchase it so you’ll get the full benefit.

In conclusion, we pray that you’ll strive to celebrate the Christ of Christmas in a God-honoring way in your homes and wherever you are.

Beware of running FROM the Christ of Christmas as King Herod did.

Beware of running THROUGH Christmas as the innkeeper did.

Be wise and run TO the CHRIST of Christmas
as the shepherds and wise men did!

Make the time to worship the Christ of Christmas.

As the saying goes, “WISE MEN STILL SEEK HIM TODAY.”

Our love and prayers are with you as we work on our marriages together so they are honoring to each other and to the Lord.

In Christ,
Steve and Cindy Wright

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