Each year the lives of women (and men) are altered or destroyed by someone who abuses them. The resulting emotional scars, physical scars, and destruction are evident in social and crime statistics.
Although abuse is significantly under-reported, current crime statistics at least begin to tell the story. The FBI’s Uniform Crime Report routinely lists domestic violence as the leading cause of injury to women ages 15 to 44 in the United States. These injuries are more than those from car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
Abuse may be open, flagrant, and in-your-face. But abuse can also be subtle and devious. It may explode on the scene or gradually creep into a relationship. Although women are the primary victims of abuse, men may be victims, also, of abuse.
One of the first steps in dealing with abuse is to identify it. Identifying it is often difficult because it can manifest itself in different forms. Here is a brief survey of the different types of abuse.
• Emotional abuse is the use of mental strategies or mind games. This would include such things as anger, aggression, humiliation, intimidation, stalking, fear, power, and control. The goal is to inflict emotional damage on the other person.
• Physical abuse would include the use of body parts or weapons to threaten, punish, dominate, restrain, control, or injure another person.
• Sexual abuse is the use of forced sexual actions which may dominate, manipulate, threaten, injure, corrupt, or control another person.
• Social abuse involves other forms of abuse to dominate, manipulate or control another person’s social relationships.
• Financial abuse is the use of money or financially-related matters to dominate, threaten or control. This may be done to inflict damage on another person or take financial advantage of that person.
• Spiritual abuse is the controlling of another person’s religious interests or practices. Spiritual damage may be inflicted by criticizing a person’s religious convictions or misstating them for religious purposes.
Although abuse may take various forms, there are often common elements. For example, there often is the tendency to blame the victim of abuse. A woman may be told to “submit” or “pray harder for her marriage” by a pastor or church members. And often women go back into abusive relationships, leaving many to wonder.
In this article, we will try to provide some answers and perspective on this important issue. (And I might note that we already have articles on the Probe Web site dealing with such issues as verbal abuse and spiritual abuse.)
Types of Abusers
Although abuse and domestic violence are one of the most pressing social problems of our time, most of society (including churches) still view the crisis as a private matter. Abused women are often advised by pastors and members of a congregation to “pray harder” or “try to become a better wife.”
Abuse has not only been ignored by the church but often by the medical profession. In their study of abuse, Evan Stark and Ann Flitcraft found that out of one million women who sought medical treatment for injuries sustained by husbands and boyfriends, doctors correctly identified the injuries as a result of battering only four percent of the time. 1
Frequently child abuse and domestic violence go hand in hand. Men who abuse their wives will often also abuse their children. Research shows that in homes where domestic violence occurs, children are abused at a rate 1500 percent higher than the normal average. 2
Often this abuse begins even before a child is born. One study of 1200 white, Latino, and African-American pregnant women, found that one in six reported physical abuse during pregnancy.3
Researchers now conclude that there are two types of abusers. Neil Jacobson and John Gottman document this in their book, When Men Batter Women.4 Their study of more than 200 couples in dangerous relationships helped shatter myths and shed new light on abusive relationships.
They describe two types of batterers: Cobras and Pit Bulls. The Cobras are more severely violent of the two. They strike swiftly and ferociously, always remaining in control and feeling entitled to whatever they want.
Pit Bulls are violent because they are insecure. They are more likely to lose control, letting their emotions burn slowly until they explode in anger.
Jacobson and Gottman intensively studied about 60 of the 200 couples by watching videotapes of non-violent arguments of severe batterers and their spouses. To eliminate some of the subjectivity, they also monitored the vital signs (heart rate, sweat flow) of the couples.
They found that Cobras resemble the snake for which they are named. They become still and focused just before striking their victim. They become internally calm during abuse. While the heart rates of Pit Bulls increase during abuse, the Cobras’ heart rates actually decrease.
Pit Bulls are driven by deep insecurity and often have an unhealthy dependence on the mates they abuse. They are afraid of losing their wives and therefore try to control them through physical and emotional abuse. Cobras have often been physically or sexually abused themselves (frequently in childhood) and tend to see violence as an unavoidable part of life.
Boundaries
Often victims of abuse feel they deserve the abuse they receive. They have been convinced (by their partner or perhaps by society in general) that the abuse is their fault. It is not. To reinforce this claim, here are eight things that no one deserves:5
• No one deserves to be pushed, slapped, bruised, or kicked. No excuse makes such actions justifiable, whether drugs, alcohol, financial problems or family problems.
• No one deserves to be verbally abused. No one should be called names or yelled at for no apparent reason.
• No one deserves to have possessions damaged (dishes thrown, clothes torn) or gifts destroyed. These things don’t automatically become “his” just because he paid for them from a joint checking account.
• No one deserves to be interfered with in coming and going. You do not need to be told when you can or cannot leave the house, go shopping, or go to school.
• No one deserves to be followed, harassed, or spied upon. As an adult, you have the right to go where you want, and spend time the way you choose.
• No one deserves to be ridiculed, put down, made fun of, or belittled. This applies both at home and in public.
• No one deserves to be emotionally starved. Everyone has emotional needs: to love, to be loved, to care and be cared for, to need others and to be needed by others. This involves more than just one person who is demanding your time and attention.
• No one deserves to be isolated. You deserve to have a community of people around you rather than just a spouse who dominates your life.
Each person has rights that should be asserted to prevent abuse from taking place. Here is a short list of those rights:
• You have the right to be treated with respect. All are created in the image of God (Genesis 2:26-27) and have value and dignity. You deserve respect regardless of your economic status, race, religion, or sex.
• You have the right to be heard. You have ideas and opinions and should be free to express them.
• You have the right to have a support system. You shouldn’t have to depend on one person in your life to provide all your emotional needs and who cuts you off from the rest of society.
• You have the right to come and go as you please. You should be able to make choices about what you do with your free time.
• You have the right to have privacy and space of your own. You don’t give up those rights when you get married or when you begin to have children.
• You have the right to maintain a separate identity.
Each of these rights are important in establishing boundaries in a relationship. These are key components in preventing abuse.
Myths of Abuse
Let’s turn now to some of the myths of abuse.6
• One myth is that victims of abuse come from lower-income families with little education. In reality, victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life. Race, religion, socio-economic background are no predictor of abuse. Victims of abuse may be well-educated or uneducated, professionals or common laborers.
• A second myth is that victims stay in abusive relationships because they like being abused. That is simply not true. Many have been conditioned to accept beatings because they are blamed by their abusers, but they do not like being beaten. Many victims actually “accept abuse as common in relationships.”7
So, why don’t victims leave? The answer to that is often quite complex. Many women believe they cannot leave because “He can’t live without me.” They may fear he will have a nervous breakdown, commit suicide, or lose his job.
She may believe that the children need a father, rationalizing that an abusive father is better than no father at all. And she may think she cannot make it alone in the job market.
Many women fear they will be killed if they leave an abusive relationship. And that fear may be justified. Studies show that battered women are more likely to be killed after leaving an abusive relationship.8
Abuse victims also convince themselves that things are going to get better. Hope springs eternal, and there is always the hope that with the right changes and hard work, abuse will go away. Sadly, it does not.
A third myth is that violence happens mostly between strangers. Contrary to popular belief, a woman’s greatest risk of assault is from an intimate partner. Statistics from the Department of Justice indicate that women are attacked seven times more often by offenders with whom they have an intimate relationship than are male victims of violence.9
A fourth myth is that abuse is not a major problem. Domestic violence is one of the most serious health problems today. As we have mentioned, it affects every socioeconomic segment of society. “Federal officials estimate that domestic violence costs U.S. firms $4 billion a year in lower productivity, staff turnover, absenteeism, and excessive use of medical benefits.”10
What the Church Can Do
Domestic violence is pervasive in our society and crosses all socioeconomic levels, religious belief, and cultural backgrounds. Abuse affects our lives, our homes, and our society. Is there anything the church can do to deal with this important issue? Here are a few suggestions.11
First, pastors and church members should be aware of the extent of the problem. I have provided some social statistics to demonstrate how pervasive abuse is within our society. It isn’t a problem to be ignored or addressed through simple clichés.
Second, pastors and counselors need to help abuse victims set boundaries in their lives. Battered women often find it difficult to make choices because someone else has been making decisions for them. Many women who live in violent homes went from their father’s house straight to their abuser’s house. They’ve never had much experience in making their own personal choices.
If you are seeking to help an abuse victim, you should encourage her to make her own decisions. Resist the temptation to rescue and take over her life. She needs to feel empowered not helpless.
At the same time, you can provide suggestions about finding a family counselor or a domestic violence agency.
Third, if you are a pastor, a counselor, or just a caring friend, you can provide counsel and comfort. She needs to hear from you that she doesn’t deserve to be abused. Acknowledge the seriousness of the situation, and don’t let her convince herself that the abuse will go away.
Fourth, be prepared for crisis intervention. Quick action may be necessary to protect her and her children. Ask her to describe the circumstances of the last two or three beatings. What preceded his attack (drugs, alcohol, or an argument)? Where is her relationship right now?
A pastor or counselor who receives a crisis call only has a few moments to discern the extent of the threat and appropriate actions that should be taken. Can she find her way to a safe place immediately? Do you have a place for her to go, if necessary?
Sometimes the crisis arrives at your office or home. A pastor, counselor, or caring friend may need to arrange for medical attention and a safe place away from the abuser.
If the couple is separated, she may be stalked by her abuser. She needs to know who can protect her and how to contact legal services.
Fifth, the church should address this important issue of domestic abuse. By speaking to this issue, we break the silence surrounding abuse and confront it with biblical principles. The church should hold batterers responsible for their actions. Intervention, confrontation, and tough love should be tools used to fight abuse in our communities.
If the batterer is a member of the church, then Matthew 18 provides a model for confronting “offenders” within the church. Galatians 5:22-25 talks about the fruit of the Spirit with includes kindness, gentleness, and self-control. These and many other verses provide a model for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness (2 Tim. 3:16). Christians have an important role in dealing with abuse within our society.
Notes:
1. Evan Stark and Ann Flitcraft, “Medical Therapy as Repression: The Case of the Battered Woman,” Health and Medicine, 1982, 29-32.
2. Maria Roy, “Children in the Crossfire,” Health Communications, 1988.
3. Judith McFarlane, “Abuse During Pregnancy: A Cross-Cultural Study of Frequency and Severity of Injuries,” National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Fact Sheet (Denver, 1994).
4. Neil Jacobson and John Gottman, When Men Batter Women: New Insights into Ending Abusive Relationships (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1998).
5. A more detailed list can be found in Mary Marecek, Breaking Free from Partner Abuse (Buena Park, Calif: Morning Glory Press, 1999).
6. Andrea Lissette and Richard Kraus, Free Yourself from an Abusive Relationship (Alameda, Calif: Hunter House, 2000).
7. Eve Buzawa and Carl Buzawa, Domestic Violence: The Criminal Justice Response (Thousand Oaks, Calif: Sage Publications, 1996).
8. Mary Ann Dutton, “The Dynamics of Domestic Violence: Understanding the Response from Battered Women,” The Florida Bar Journal, October 1994.
9. “Violence Against Women: Estimates from the Redesigned Survey, August 1995,” Report from the U.S. Justice Department (Washington, DC: Bureau of Justice Statistics, 1996).
10. Ibid.
11. Patricia Riddle Gaddis, Battered But Not Broken (Valley Forge, Pa: Judson Press, 1996).
©2003 Probe Ministries
This document is the sole property of Probe Ministries. It may not be altered or edited in any way. Permission is granted to use in digital or printed form so long as it is circulated without charge, and in its entirety. This document may not be repackaged in any form for sale or resale. All reproductions of this document must contain the copyright notice and this Copyright/Limitations notice.
About the Author:
Kerby Anderson is National Director of Probe Ministries International. He received his B.S. from Oregon State University, M.F.S. from Yale University, and M.A. from Georgetown University. He is the author of several books, including Genetic Engineering, Origin Science, Living Ethically in the 90s, Signs of Warning, Signs of Hope, and Moral Dilemmas. He is a nationally syndicated columnist whose editorials have appeared in the Dallas Morning News, the Miami Herald, the San Jose Mercury, and the Houston Post. He is the host of the “Probe” radio program, and frequently serves as guest host on “Point of View” (USA Radio Network) and “Open Line” (Moody Broadcasting Network).
What is Probe?
Probe Ministries is a non-profit ministry whose mission is to assist the church in renewing the minds of believers with a Christian world-view and to equip the church to engage the world for Christ. Probe fulfills this mission through our Mind Games conferences for youth and adults, our 3 1/2 minute daily radio program, and our extensive Web site at www.probe.org.
EMAIL | SHARE | PRINT
Print This Page (printer-friendly)
and do your online shopping. 
(USA) I filed a pfa. My court date is the 9th of October, 8:30 am. I have picture of scars. The Police station did not give a police report after I asked, said I needed lawyer.
I am a french woman. I met my husband @ 18 years of age, young and naive I did not know so much about everything. My husband abused me emotionally and verbally many, many times. I always felt responsible, guilty and apologized for making him angry.
He started using my Social Security Number (ssn) for little loans that grew into larger ones including a Hummer, two mortgages, line of credit, 5 credit cards on which he was an authorized user until that night when he became violent physically. I was not educated about how personal the ssn was and the consequences that number could have.
He has been paying all debts owed on time until the PFA. Bills are still coming in and I can’t afford all of them on my salary. I am afraid of him not wanting to be honest and fair because I want to divorce. Should I & Can I sell? I need help. I don’t have a lot of money and I fear for the 9th without my police report and his well-paid lawyer fighting to void the PFA. He wants me out the house, help please.
(USA) Hi Francine, I’m sorry to hear of your current situation. My suggestion is that since you are now involved in the legal system (police and courts) and you don’t have very much time until your court date, I would suggest you visit the following website. I think they can help you as they have information on the legal system and abuse.
http://www.focusministries1.org/
One suggestion is to call around and see if you can find a lawyer who might take your case pro bono (no charge). Tell them you have photos of abuse, etc. You might have to call several but there might be one that will take your case.
As far as the mortgages and vehicle – if they are in your SSN and only your name, then you have the legal right to put them up for sale. If the title to the vehicle and the home is in your husband’s name (or both of you) then it will be more difficult. You should call the creditors and tell them your situation and ask to either have your name removed from the loans OR have everything switched into your name (the car and home) and put them up for sale. My inclination would be to have your name taken off and have it only in his name so that he is responsible for the bills and not you.
If your husband wants a divorce, my suggestion would be to remove yourself from everything you can – loans, home, etc. and have that burden be his, if it is possible. I’ve considered separation because my husband is also abusive but if I chose that, my decision was (or would be) to just leave, not plan on taking much of anything and try to stay out of the legal system as much as possible. I wouldn’t want our house because I couldn’t afford it anyway and my peace is worth more than a big house. The more legal action you get involved in, the more complicated it gets.
Here is a verse that might help you:
1 Corinthians 6:7 (King James)
Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because ye go to law one with another. Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded?
Amplified Version:
Why, the very fact of your having lawsuits with one another at all is a defect (a defeat, an evidence of positive moral loss for you). Why not rather let yourselves suffer wrong and be deprived of what is your due? Why not rather be cheated (defrauded and robbed)?
This is talking about lawsuits among believers so I don’t know if it applies to your husband or not. If your husband is not a believer then this verse does not apply to you. I do believe that you have done the right thing in going to the police with the abuse. The bible says that love rejoices not in iniquity (abuse is a kind of iniquity) and does rejoice in the truth (you reported the truth to the police). I Cor. 13
I’ve lived in an abusive marriage for more than a decade. My husband does not even realize that it is abusive nor does he want to admit it. I know that I’m to the point where I’m planning on making a decision, soon, on whether to separate or not, but all I want is out. I could care less whether he gives me money for our kids (I can work) or anything else. I simply want peace, and a better life for my kids so that they will grow up with an idea of what a healthy marriage is, not an abusive marriage. So those are my personal thoughts – I have been in your situation and know what it is like and how hard it is. I will pray for you and for God’s strength and guidance for you.
As always – pray for God and his guidance in all your decisions. God bless, LT
(HENRICO) MY NAME IS CINDY AND I AM A MARRIED WOMAN WHO IS BEING ABUSED BY MY HUSBAND’S MOUTH FOR SO MANY YEARS. I KEEP TRYING TO TALK TO HIM BUT THAT DOESN’T DO ANY GOOD. I AM TRYING TELL HIM I NEED RESPECT TOO. WHEN WE GO TO CHURCH HE IS ALWAYS TRYING TO SHOW ME UP IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. I JUST SIT THERE AND SMILE. I FEEL SO HURT INSIDE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I HAVE A 12 YEAR OLD CHILD AND IF SHE WANTS A PART OF MY LIFE I WILL BE GONE. I NEED SOME HELP TO FIX THIS MESS I’M IN. IF I THINK I HAVE TO KEEP THIS PROBLEM WITH ME ALL OF MY LIFE MY HEAD STARTS TO HURT. I CRY AT NIGHT TO THE LORD AND HE KEEPS ME FROM GOING CRAZY.
(USA) I have placed a another comment on the "Leaving Your Spouse" but I wanted to place the same comment on this site as well. It has been 6 months since I’ve been separated from my abusive husband. We’ve been together for 12 years, married for 3 of those years. We have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. Before we were married, I was told by 2 family members and 2 church members not to marry my husband. But, I was blind sided by love/lust, good looks and charm. I did not listen to them.
The first four years of our courtship, he was so caring and affectionate. He cared for me in so many ways. He cared for my skin (in which I had a bad case of eczema) through his study of homeopathic medicine), my health (informing me on what food is good for me and so forth, and my spirit (advising me on getting "The Book" version of the Bible to help me better understand God’s word). We would have Bible discussion based on the Daily Bread (that he told me about as well). We would spend long nights on the phone talking about any and everything.
But, as I now sit back and analyze the relationship, I notice that he was always controlling. He talked me into getting out of the church choir; he talked me out of going to the Wednesday night Bible study at my church and the Thursday Morning Prayer. This was his way of saying that I needed rest and to be able to spend more time with him. Whenever I made a mistake in doing something or saying something that was “out of term”, he would get highly upset and he would begin to ‘fuss-n-cuss’ as I began to nickname it and he would say things like “if you were in front of me, I would slap you in the mouth.” Whenever he said this I at first didn’t think anything of it, until I actually experienced it.
After we married 3 and a half years ago, the control issues continued to increase, followed by verbal abuse, and then later as the relationship continued, the physical abuse came. There were many days when I didn’t want to come home from work due to him calling throughout the day complaining about something I did or didn’t do and I knew that there was going to be a beating waiting for me. There were many nights I couldn’t sleep; not knowing when he was going to wake me up in the middle of the night to question me about something (with belt in his hand or anything to throw at me).
There were many nights I spent in another room with our daughter because I was afraid to be in his presence. There were many mornings when I was off from work I didn’t want to be, because I didn’t know what kind of mood he would be in. I couldn’t do anything without him knowing about it, I couldn’t talk to his friends or my family without him knowing about it. He wanted to know what was going on in my families’ business, but didn’t want my family to know what was going on in “our family business”.
For example, this past March, I became pregnant, instead of him being happy and pleased, he was upset and angry. In fact he implied that I should get an abortion. You see I told my mom and my twin sister that I was (pregnant), but before I even told my twin that I was pregnant, she was having pregnancy symptoms (we are identical twins and I am the youngest and with each pregnancy I have had, she has experienced the morning sickness and so forth). So when I was in distraught about the abortion I tried to explain to my husband that I wasn’t comfortable, but he convinced me that it was okay as long as the egg has not grown into an embryo yet. But due to my religious background and my discomfort, I procrastinated until I was eight weeks.
The day of the 1st scheduled abortion, I told my sister that I didn’t want to go through with it and I needed support in going home because I had already told him that I couldn’t go through with it and of course he was livid. I wouldn’t have gone back home that day, but he kept our daughter while I was at work. So, naturally I went back to the house.
I made up in my mind to leave, going home only to gather some things and to get our daughter. He was calm and cool at first, but then he and my brother-n-law got into it. My brother-in-law told my sister to call the police. I left with my sister and brother-in-law along with my daughter to their house, but after crying and listening to him on the phone, I was coerced into going back home. We stayed up till about 3am that morning with me having to go to work the next day, talking about the abortion, the visit from my sister and her husband, and the encounter of the police coming to the house.
Though he remained calm that night, I could tell he was going to analyze this whole thing for the next few days and become angry. And sure enough, everyday anger continued to build-up in him about the situation, even after I agreed to the abortion just to make peace with him, he was still upset about the fact that my family came over and disrespected him in his own home and that I “allowed” it and how I needed to fix that problem by having my sister/husband to come over and apologize.
But since my brother-in-law apologized the same day, he felt like he didn’t need to apologize again. So every day after that day in April (including our Anniversary day) my life was HELL!!! He made sure that I paid for that incident and for becoming pregnant (period). Everything made him angry. The day I decided that “enough was enough” is when he got angry with me about “not communicating” in which he says I don’t do enough. But whenever I do, he doesn’t bother to listen, or accept my opinion, so why bother?
On this day he was fussin-cussin and poking me on the head with a BB gun in front of my daughter while she & I were eating dinner. And I will never forget the look and the expression on my daughter’s face when he was doing that. It HURT me SO BAD!!! I told her that Mommy was okay. But the look on her face was full of fear and pain and right then I knew that I had to do something about this.
I did go through the world’s system in order to leave him, because the family way wasn’t going to help (alone). My order of protection was granted on the 15th of December. I have not seen him since that week and he has not seen his daughter in four months, though I have had her to speak to him. Due to our safety, it was advised that he should only see her under supervision. Although, he has been calling me and telling me that he has changed, and that the cause of his behavior was based on DHEA/roid rage. In which he tells me that he had been taking these supplements for fifteen years and that they had been taking a toll more for the last 4 years.
He won’t seek counseling; says that God is his counselor; he won’t leave (my) house to let me & our daughter return back home. He is now saying that he forgives me for leaving him & staying away (even after I know the “TRUTH”). However, I am seeking spiritual counseling, and other support groups to help me get through this.
I have also gone to my pastor. He suggests that God does not allow for anyone to be hurt; physically or emotionally. And that “even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his own wife loveth himself” (Ephesians 5:28). So, here I am now, waiting on an answer from God on where to go from here….
(UNITED STATES) I came to United States two years ago. I tried to restart my life with him. It was very difficult for me as I came from non-English speaking environment. He verbally, emotionally, and physically abused me. He kept saying the doors were always opened and I could leave the house anytime. My heart broke when he said I was useless and it was a mistake to marry me.
I got laid off one year ago. I had no job, no person to care me. I am really depressed.
(USA) Betty, I will pray for you and your daughter, also for your husband to really know the Lord and open his eyes and soften his heart. Betty, the Lord is interested in saving people not abusive marriages. God loves all and you can love afar. It saddens me to hear such cruelness, you have a lot of healing to do. Ask the Lord to help you with this journey. His love is amazing.
I lift you to him and ask that he heal your heart show you direction, to show you all the wonderful things he has in store for you and what all you need to see so that you are sure which path you are to take. I pray that he will guide you through people and give you wisdom to make the right choices in his Jesus name.
Let God deal with your husband. He will have to go through some pain to know that you need to love and that he is to cherish his wife and hold her up to the Lord without blemish. What your husband is doing is not of the Lord. I support you in your critical spirit; you must be safe and secure.
I hope you really reach out and grow in the Lord. This may be a huge revelation for you and what he has for your path. I am excited for that transformation and your blessing, and joy that you will receive when you stand in GOD and the REAL WORD, the Bible. ABOVE ALL IS LOVE!
(USA) I thank you for those words of encouragement. For this has truly been a season for me (spiritually). In fact, shortly after your message. My daugther and I were in a horrific automobile accident, the car was totalled like a balled-up can; my daughter’s forehead was bruised with shattered glass, and my left leg was bruised and sprained.
I really believe that this was my confirmation on my mariage- saying that “the marriage was totaled” and OVER! and that in correlation to the accident and marriage; my daughter and I were “brusied but not broken”. And this has been my testimony ever since. And on the 27th of July, my husband was forced out of the house through a court-order.
Now, he’s been driving by and trying to catch me in route to speak to me and see our daughter. Now, he was ordered by the court to see our daughter through an exchange program, but he prefers not to. He says that this is “man’s law” and not “God’s law”. I’d like to think that I am following God’s guidance on this; so I’m asking for continued strength to help me to stay strong and focus.
(SOUTH AFRICA) In most of the articles I have read on your website about this subject, I have not seen any advice or direction for the Abuser. Are there any articles, websites or organisations that can help an Abuser? Remember the Abuser can be a christian too.