They were sitting in my office when the wife said, “I’d forgive him if he would just apologize.”

He responded, “I did apologize.”

“You did not.”

“I told you I was sorry,” he said.

“That is not an apology,” she responded.

Have your apologies often fallen flat? Do your spouse’s apologies connect and motivate you to forgive? Or are you married to someone who seldom apologizes?

The above scenario as well as the questions that followed were written and posed by Dr Gary Chapman. Have you been in the place that he just described? A LOT couples have been there. It seems that it’s just not as easy to know what the other spouse expects as far as an apology.

It seems simple enough to each spouse personally, but many times, people don’t approach matters the same way. As a result, the apology goes flat and doesn’t register with the offended in the way it may have been intended.

For further insight into giving “Apologies that Make a Difference”, we encourage you to to read the rest of  the  article Dr Chapman wrote. It is posted on the Marriage Partnership Magazine Web site. Please click onto the link below to read:

• APOLOGIZING: The Fastest Road to Forgiveness

Also, on this same subject, the following is a “Question of the Week” that was answered on the web site Smalleyonline.com:

Q: My wife is very sensitive and she says that I am not. She feels that my apologies are obligatory and not heartfelt. When I hurt her feelings, I want to make it right but often fumble over my words. How can I apologize and convince her that I mean it?

To read the answer that was given, please click HERE.

Another “Question of the Week” addressed on Smalleyonline.com is:

Q: My wife says that I am one of the fastest apologizers she knows. She says the speed and repetition of my apologies voids the sincerity. She believes that when I say “I’m sorry” it is just to get out of a fight. I can’t win. Any suggestions?

To read the answer to that question, please click HERE.

Below is a link to another article you can read on the subject of apologizing, written by Christian Psychologist Phil Monroe, who answers the question:

• WHAT MAKES A GOOD APOLOGY?

An article featured on the Crosswalk.com web site that would be good for you to read is:

• LEARN YOUR SPOUSE’S LANGUAGE OF APOLOGY

And lastly:

“After counseling numerous troubled marriages, I have observed that distressed marriages frequently are weak in the domain of repentance and short on apologies. Difficult-to-live-with spouses find it burdensome to repent and apologize to their partners because they often have not developed the practice of daily repenting and apologizing to God. Also, difficult-to-live-with spouses generally have a hard time assuming responsibility for their wrongful actions.

“A repentant spirit is the healing balm to breaking the cycle of blame in a marital relationship. The entire life of a Christian is one of continual repentance. Repentance is a prerequisite for reconciliation since a change of ways has to occur to heal grievances. Thus, the question that arises within a healthy marital relationship is ‘How can I repent and apologize?’ when I have offended my spouse.”

The quote above was written by Dr Randall A. Schroeder, which was part of an article we highly recommend you read. It’s a very complex article —but we believe it’s worth the effort it would take to go through it in its entirety. Please click onto the link provided below to read:

• APOLOGIZING AND FORGIVING: The Heart of the Christian Marriage

If you have any additional advice or tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.