When you read the above question, many wives will say “no, I’m too tired” and many husbands will say, “no, she’s too tired and pre-occupied.” And that can be sad but true. But does that mean that you won’t have sex as husband and wife until the children are grown and out of the house?

Lets hope not. Your marriage may not survive that long.

“In a marriage, sex is the spice that rescues our relationships from becoming mundane pursuits of chores. Adult life is filled with responsibilities. We have mortgages to pay, yard work to maintain, laundry to clean, cars to service, and so on. But none of us got married so we could load up on chores. We got married out of hope. We got married because we believed there was some kind of magic between us. We got married because we believed we could have great sex together.

“A satisfying sex life can add dignity to all the other pursuits of life. It is the thing to look forward to after a dull or miserable day at work. Sex is the moment of connection that creates a deep bond, even when sprinkled weeks or months apart. Sexual union adds an underlying deposit of strength that can help hold couples together when life threatens them apart. …God gave you this gift to be enjoyed, savored, and strengthened. When you enhance your overall marital well-being, the rest of your life is more effective in accomplishing God’s purpose for you.” (Bill and Pam Farrel, from their book, “Red Hot Monogamy”)

Most of us would probably agree that having a satisfying sex life and romantic life together as husband and wife is important to the health of  marriages. And yet how is it possible to achieve that after you have children and you’re so tired and preoccupied (and sometimes even the desire is gone)? Let’s face it:

“As soon as the baby arrives, nearly every aspect of your relationship changes —including your love life.” (David and Claudia Arp)

It may be that before you have children:

“You swear it will never happen: you will not become one of those couples who lets the fires of romance burn out as soon as children come on the scene. You know the ones – with puke stains on their t-shirts and bags under their eyes, they seem to have little in common other than an obsession with telling everyone about their wonderful child. Then one day you wake up with the Barney theme song running through your mind. You realize that your conversations with each other now revolve around sleep (as in who has had less), poop (as in who has cleaned up more), and the new host of Blue’s Clues. Maybe keeping the romance alive is going to be tougher than you thought.

“Take heart! Though it may seem impossible, your love life can survive the Diaper Phase…”

To read more, please click into the Family Life Today web site article to read:

• SURVIVING THE DIAPER PHASE

Another related article to help you when your baby is new is written by Arlene Pellicane. She writes:

“How can you rekindle your desire for intimacy, even with a new baby? Put it on the backburner, but don’t forget about it. Having a baby does take a great amount of time, work and energy. Sex may have to go on the backburner when your baby has a need. But just like you wouldn’t leave food sitting on the backburner for weeks, don’t forget about sex completely. When the time isn’t right for you, tell your spouse you’d really like to make love another time, how about on the weekend? Set a real time and keep your commitment. Food left on the backburner will eventually go bad and the same is true about closeness in marriage if you neglect lovemaking too long.”

To learn more, please click onto the ShelovesGod.com link below to read:

• SEX AND THE NEW MOM: How to Get in the Mood When You’re Not

It’s important to survive the Diaper Phase and every phase because as parents and authors David and Claudia Arp say,

“Your kids will wait while you build your marriage, but your marriage won’t wait for your kids to grow up. …Becoming parents should not make us celibate, so how can couples have kids and still maintain a sex life?”

To read more, please click onto the Marriage Partnership Magazine web site link to read:

• SEX AFTER KIDS?

To go a step further, Sheri Miller gives another phase of marriage that has challenges all in its own. As she wrote,

“Everyone warned us that small children would impact our sex life. They forgot to mention teenagers.”

How do you overcome that obstacle? Please click onto the Marriage Partnership Magazine web site link to read:

• WHEN NO TIME’S A GOOD TIME

Upon reading the above articles, not only can you make the time and find the opportunity to have sex even after the kids are born, you should. And an added bonus is that you can become a better mom if you make it your priority.  Mother and author, Karen Scalf Linamen gives the following insight:

“I believe there is no conflict of interest between motherhood and loverhood. In fact, the bond that is created by sexual intimacy between you and your husband does far more than enhance your relationship alone—it also enriches the lives of your children. That’s right! The best mothers are not those women who devote every waking moment to their children. The best mothers are, indeed, those women who take the time—make the time—to cultivate, protect, and express the lover within.”

To read her reasons why, please click onto the Family Life Today web site to read:

• MOTHERHOOD AND LOVERHOOD

If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.