When you are trying to save your marriage and your spouse distances himself/herself either emotionally, physically or both, you feel very alone. You can very well understand why God said the words, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Because whether you are a man or a woman, being alone when you’re in a marriage is NOT the plan you had or God had when you got married.
But how do you get past the walls that have been built up between you and your spouse? It’s not usually something you can do overnight. Many different things went into building that wall, and it will take a lot of effort to dismantle them. But it’s well worth the work. Plus, God tells us that perseverance is a virtue that we are to strive after.
There are many verses in the Bible that encourages us to persevere even when we want to give up. Among them are:
“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.” (James 1:12)
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)
So, to help you in this mission, we discovered an article that might be a good beginning (or help you further) in this mission. It is written by Richard Fitzgibbons, and the name of the article is, “The Emotionally Distant Spouse.” It even contains a self-test so you can:
“Evaluate your self-giving in your marriage and that of your spouse.” You can “then try to identify common causes of this weaknesses in your spouse and in yourself.”
To read this article and take the self-test, please click onto the link below to the web site Marital Healing.com:
• THE EMOTIONALLY DISTANT SPOUSE
— ALSO —
April Motl says the following about emotional detachment in marriage:
“A lot can happen between the ‘I do’ at the altar and the years that follow. We can end up married to someone yet emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically disengaged. I have come to believe that one primary problem seems to sit at the root of most couples who feel disengaged. I call it the ‘full plate’ phenomenon. When your spouse (or you) has something that puts them emotionally, mentally, physically or spiritually on overload something else has to be shut off in life — and that something else often becomes your marriage.”
To find out more, read:
• ARE YOU DISCONNECTED FROM YOUR SPOUSE?
If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
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(USA) My husband has become more and more distant since the beginning of the radiography program which was about August 2007. He has a friend who is in class 24-7 with him and yet he still talks to her constantly on Myspace, and has been attacking me when I ask him why, and/ or to stop. He and I have been fighting about it and I just don’t know what to do. He is not willing to compromise with me on slowing down. So, please some one help! Everyone has told me to leave him but I just don’t know how! I don’t believe in Divorce, but I don’t believe in the way he is treating me either!
(USA) Hi Tiffany, I know you posted this comment over a year ago, but I am in the exact same position you were in. The similarities are crazy to me! I was wondering what happened and if you have any advice on what to do or what not to do?
My husband has told me that he believed in our wedding vows and yet let lack of communication ruin our relationship, without my knowledge. I came to learn his feelings and his plan to leave all within the past couple of days. I am having a very hard time dealing with it and have pleaded with him that we can fix this…he simply tells me that he doesn’t know if he wants to fix it Do you have any thoughts?
I totally understand if you don’t get back to me on this, but would greatly appreciate any advice or knowledge you have gained from this situation. Many Thanks, Emily
(USA) Dear Emily, I read your story and I am in the same situation, as we speak. My husband left me for a co-worker while I was 5 months pregnant. He told me to leave town and go back to my mom’s hometown. I was not ready to let go. But, I left town and he was with this girl for 6 months. I was so jealous and anxious to win him back. I begged him to come back to me, and he did, and she left him alone.
But they still messed around after we got back together and I caught them together two years ago and 5 months ago. I’m tired of it. So I have become emotionally detached. I’m living in denial. I feel like he has feelings for her. He still hides his phone, so no matter how much he promises me he wants to be with me, he keeps on lying and being deceitful.
I’m tired so I have made plans to leave after Christmas. Our kids will be so hurt, but I’m hurting myself by staying. Also he’s not trying to please and cater to me anymore and he calls me names (curse words). I’m tired. Please write back. Michelle
(NAMIBIA) Hello Tiffany, I greet you and I feel with you what you are going through. No one has the answer but only God. But what I can say is that when someone strongly defends himself about this friend of his and is not ready to set it right before his wife then there might be something fishy, but don’t go fishing because it hurts us more. Fight through prayers and break the codes or link these two have forged because in the eyes of God there is only one link; that is between you and your husband. Fast if necessary. May God guard your words as you speak to your husband so that things do not get worse. Be blessed sister.
(KENYA) Hello Tiffany, those are the distractions from the enemy. The only thing that will help you is prayer. Go down on your knees and commit your marriage to the Lord. There is no situation God can not change despite how it looks.
(R.S.A) How would you advise a wife whose husband indulges in drinking and is having an affair in a Christian marriage and is abusing her and the kids emotionally? Must she undergo counseling or must she throw in the towel because that has been happening for almost 10 yrs?
(USA) Throw in the towel. God did not create you to be humiliated or abused. Adultery is a divorceable sin.
(USA) I realize the roses in my marriage have withered and yet to bloom again! My husband loves to have fun – with his buddies more than with his spouse other than making love with me. I have to work hard in working, because I feel so lonely and I don’t want to fall into the world of adultery! Therefore, I choose to work outside the home, at home anywhere and make healthy relationships with my colleagues.
Is my marriage over then? I give my husband total freedom; there’s no sense of commitment from him at all. I do not know when he wants to have dinner with me because he doesn’t like planning things with me. Life with him is very unpredictable = I hate it! So rather stuck in self-pitiness, I rather keep myself busy so that I can’t think about my distant husband. There are times when he is really romantic and in a second he can be so distant… I think it is driving me crazy.. please advise me on how to take care of myself better. Thanks!