“How can a Christian who is married, deal graciously with siblings and sibling in laws, who are causing problems in their marriage?” That is the question we’d like to pose to you.
We receive quite a few letters each year from those who are married who are running into difficulties in dealing with sibling in laws, and sisters and brothers. Sometimes these siblings are too vocal or mean-spirited in what they say and do. They can be vindictive in how they act towards the spouse of their sibling and cause trouble. Others stay to visit too long so the spouse feels imposed upon and worn out. Other siblings expect financial support from their older male sibling and expect him to physically help them repeatedly at the sacrifice of his own family.
There are various situations that can come in to play. But in each case the one spouse is “at odds” with the other spouse because of the bond that siblings have had with each other through the years.
What wise and godly (Biblically-based) advice would you give to those who are dealing with sibling in laws and/or extended family who are causing problems in their marriage? (Please scroll to the bottom of the page to leave your advice or comments.)
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5 comments so far ↓
1 Patricia // Nov 9, 2007 at 9:35 am
(ZIMBABWE) My advice is prayer and acceptance is key in avoiding arguments. If you accept there’s commotion between you and your siblings in-laws you’ll start looking for ways as to how to forgive them and have a better relationship. Play the ‘fool’ as if you don’t see anything. Only God knows and the fact is, one day you’ll wake up without them in your house, and that time may come soon or never.
2 Denise // Jan 2, 2008 at 2:07 pm
(USA) Draw a broad line between family and the extended family. Always your family first, then the extended family.
3 Kundi // Jan 7, 2008 at 1:05 am
(ZIMBABWE) I think problems with in-laws mainly arise if your spouse does not realize that his siblings may be doing much harm to your marriage. If he acknowledges, it’s easier to find a way forward together and in some cases he can talk to his family members. The big problem arises when he doesn’t see any harm and in some instances even takes the same side with his relatives. During times like these I’d advise going down on your knees and just letting the Good Lord takeover, he’s a faithful and just God.
4 May // Apr 1, 2008 at 11:03 pm
(CANADA) I agree with Denise, family should come first, then the extended family, or else the couple will find themselves broken.
5 Lorikate // Apr 3, 2008 at 5:19 am
(USA) I agree as well, family first…and that means you, your spouse and your children. I think the problems arise when your spouse believes "family" to include everyone, mother, father, brothers, sisters, in-laws, nieces, nephews….you get the point. I think we all spend 18+ years knowing them as our family, but all that changes when you marry. As long as your spouse is aware of that, then you have something to work with. Just make sure everything you do and respond to is done out of love, not anger. (And I’m speaking from personal experience here) Don’t condemn, judge or criticize, if you are having issues with extended family, they will not be open to any of that. And, when all else fails, leave it in God’s hands, that’s where all of our problems belong.
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