“Doing whatever it takes can take you where you may not want to go.” (Dr. Emerson Eggerichs from Love and Respect —Integrity Publishers)

When I (Steve) read this from Eggerichs’ book this week it got me thinking about Cindy and my marriage of 32+ years. Let me say at the outset that for many years I wasn’t as committed as Cindy was to “doing whatever it takes” to make our marriage what it is today. Fortunately, God got my attention and He took me where I didn’t “want” to go but, where I needed to go—in order to start becoming the husband he intended me to become.

Over the past dozen or so years that we’ve been mentoring couples we have come to realize that a lot of the problems they have encountered in their marriages (some they thought were “marriage busters”) were in fact fixable as long as they were willing to go where they didn’t necessarily “want” to go—back to God’s original plan for marriage.

A big problem Cindy and I see in Christian couples today is that they have lost site of God’s plan for our marriages. That’s why we say that the purpose of Marriage Missions is to Put the Heart of Christ Back into Marriage. And, until we are willing to do “whatever it takes” to have our marriages reflect God’s heart and plan we will continue to see the divorce rate within the church match or exceed that of non-believers.

For the balance of this week’s message we’d like to share some thoughts from Alistair Begg’s book, Lasting Love— How to Avoid Marital Failure (Moody Publishing) as he sheds some further insight on this concept:

God’s blueprint for marriage calls for an exclusive relationship between one man and one woman as they enter into a lifetime covenant. The concept of covenant is vastly different from a contractual agreement that may be set aside at the whim of either party.

When God entered into covenant with Abraham, the solemnity of it was emphasized with a “thick and dreadful darkness” (Genesis 15:12) and a number of animal sacrifices (15:9-11, 17). The covenant promises were made under the pain of death.

Jay Adams from his book, Solving Marriage Problems, says:

Marriage involves a covenantal agreement to meet all of your spouse’s needs for companionship (on every level: sexual, social, spiritual, etc.) for the rest of your life. It is therefore, a final act.

Christians, unlike non-Christians today who enter into trial marriages, annual, renewable contracts, and the like, need not live daily under the threat of divorce. The binding nature of a divine covenant assures them that divorce is not an option. That is a wonderful difference that Christians possess. The covenant is a lifetime commitment.

Alistair Begg continues:

Despite the clarity with which the Bible speaks to this matter, many Christians appear to be confused. Recent surveys reveal that as many as two-thirds of those interviewed considered divorce “a reasonable solution to a problem marriage.”

If we are going to at all be successful in avoiding marital failure, it is imperative that we exercise our minds in the truth of the Scripture and yield our wills in submission to God’s clear directives.

Our submission to God’s design must be total and wholehearted —whether we find it immediately to our liking or not. It is in becoming obedient to His Word and His will that we discover true freedom. Consider the benefits:

• Making a lifelong commitment focuses our attention on ’staying the course’ rather than on short bursts of enthusiasm [which is being faithfully consistent to God's Word].

• The freedom of marriage in the Lord is rewarding. To be able to share with one another at the deepest levels of spiritual understanding is a great joy [but comes by "staying the course"].

• As husband and wife learn to put each other first, they discover the pleasures that come only when they get past living for themselves. Wives are challenged to “submit to your husbands” (Ephesians 5:22) and husbands are told to “love your wives just as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25). If these intense obligations are defined in purely negative terms, they may seem deplorable. But seen from God’s perspective, these commands provide order and joy in a relationship. Attempting to continually put oneself first never works. But learning to put a spouse first can become a lifelong pleasure for those with hearts for God’s Word.

• Rejecting divorce as an option allows for great security in marriage. It means that when problems arise —no matter how great those problems may be—the couple will learn to return to the instruction manual of God’s Word and rely upon the help of God’s Spirit.

As we think about these concepts we wonder “Then what’s in it for me if these types of things happen and I’m thrust into such painful circumstances because of my partner? Surely God doesn’t want me to live the rest of my life being this unhappy with my spouse!” And the answer is, marriage isn’t about “living happily ever after.” It’s not all about you —that’s a myth that comes out of the fantasy of fairy tales. It’s all about God.

It’s about living out God’s principles with each other in the manner in which Christ showed us through His life here on earth and through His Word, the Bible-being living examples displaying what God is all about. It’s about loving each other and living with each other in such a way that we reflect the heart and nature of Christ even when it’s so very painful and trying upon our very nature.

As you encounter trying circumstances dig deeper into the Bible and ask God to show you how to unconditionally display His loving principles to love and respectfully live with your spouse in a Christ-like manner. What would Christ TRULY have you do in your circumstance? Are you behaving like a partner or an adversary to your spouse at this time?

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man” (Proverbs 3:3-6).

We trust that in your marriage you are willing to do whatever it takes even though it may take you to a place where you don’t think you want to go…an unwavering commitment to your spouse no matter what the circumstances are in your marriage right now.

In closing, consider something else that Alistair Begg writes (from the publication Tabletalk by Liggonier ministries). As you read through this paraphrase of the traditional marriage vows, we hope you’ll take a moment to renew your commitment to this covenant either individually or as a couple:

“In their commitment to the unity of marriage, the couple promises to be faithful to each other if poverty and disease should come upon them. They vow before God and man to be faithful if they meet a more attractive, a more intelligent, and a more compassionate person.

The wife vows to be faithful if her husband loses his high-paying job, his esteem before men, his mental faculties, or his youthful vigor. She commits to him even when he doesn’t measure up to the standard God has set for him, even when he does not love her as Christ loves the church.

The husband vows to be faithful if his wife loses her beauty, her charm, or her tenderness. His commitment remains steadfast even when she is unsubmissive, disrespectful, and unable to manage the household well. Through it all, the two remain one flesh.”

We pray God’s richest blessings upon your marriage!
Steve and Cindy Wright