The goal here is to get the two of you talking to each other. This may not be as easy as it seems. Often I have sent couples home with the assignment to “Talk to each other,” and they come back the next week saying something like, “We tried, but every time we would sit down to talk one of us would say, ‘Okay, what do you want to talk about?’ and the other would say ‘I don’t know, what do you want to talk about?’ and on and on. We couldn’t seem to come up with a starting point.” They often ended up frustrated, and the conversation stopped before it ever got started.

The most difficult part of talking often is simply getting started. You will find a list of 100 Conversation Starters below. One of the best ways to use this list is to cut the topics apart and put them in a fish bowl. When you have set aside time to talk, or when you just happen to have a little extra time, one of you draws a topic out of the fish bowl and the discussion begins.

Both of you address the topic before drawing out the next one. The assignment is a fun way not only to get the conversations going, but also to learn some things about your souse you may never have known before. The more you know about a person, the more intimate the relationship becomes. Feel free to add in some topics of your own as well.

[Marriage Missions Editors Note: You can even use these for your 22 minute Date Night — which you can also read about in the Communication section of our web site.]

• Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20 years?

• Describe your most romantic evening.

• If money were no issue where would you like to travel?

• If the house caught on fire and all your family were safe and you had time to save 5 things, what 5 things would you save?

• If you inherited $100,000, what would you do with it?

• What would be the first thing you would buy if you won the lottery?

• What is your biggest regret?

• What was your most embarrassing moment?

• Describe a perfect evening.

• How would you define love?

• Tell me about a special childhood memory.

• What was your favorite Christmas and why?

• What did your parents teach you about marriage?

• Share a sad memory with me.

• What things are you looking forward to this week, month, and year?

• What do you like most about your job?

• Tell me about your talents.

• Tell me something you are afraid of.

• How would you like to spend a day alone?

• Plan the perfect date.

• If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Why?

• What do you like best about yourself?

• What do you like best abut me? Why?

• What is one of your favorite memories about us?

• What do you remember most about our dating?

• What do you remember most about our wedding or honeymoon?

• What could I do to please you more sexually?

• If you could be any animal, what would you be? Why?

• How would you like to see the household responsibilities divided?

• What do you think heaven will be like?

• Tell me about your salvation experience.

• Tell me about a spiritual high point in your life.

• What is the best advice you ever received?

• If you could have three wishes, what would they be?

• How can I show you that I love you?

• Tell me about a time when God answered a prayer.

• What makes you laugh?

• Tell me your favorite joke.

• What was your favorite grade in school? Why?

• How often would you like to make love?

• Is there a difference between making love and sex? Explain.

• Share a fantasy with me.

• What advice would you give a friend about to get married?

• Would you rather vacation in the mountains, at the ocean, or a big city? Why?

• What was your favorite fairy tale growing up?

• What kind of movies do you enjoy?

• Would you rather spend a quiet evening with just the two of us; with one other couple; or, at a social gathering of several couples? Why?

• Would you rather be smart, beautiful, or famous? Explain.

• When was the last time you cried?

• If there had never been original sin, what do you think the world would be like?

• After salvation, what do you pray for most for our children?

• If you could have picked anyone in the world to be your parents, who would you have picked?

• Where would you like to live?

• What do we want to teach our children about marriage?

• Do you think we fight fair?

• How could we improve our conflict resolution skills?

• What would you consider to be your top five priorities in life?

• What do you think my top five priorities are?

• What are you feeling right now?

• What are you thinking about right now?

• What does intimacy mean?

• What strengths do you see in me?

• What expectations did you have coming into marriage?

• Which marital expectations were met and which were not met?

• What would we do if TV were out of order for one week?

• How did you decide on your career?

• What is the best part of our relationship currently?

• What is romance?

• Do you see me as a better giver or receiver? Explain.

• What is your favorite recreational activity?

• What is something we have never done together that you would like us to try?

• What size box does the “perfect gift” come in? What would be inside?

• List five of your “favorites.”

• Describe your dream house.

• If for one day you could be anyone who ever lived, who would you choose?

• What’s your most memorable childhood experience?

• Would you rather travel by car, plane, boat, or train? Why?

• What question would you like to ask God once you are in heaven?

• What one experience would you like to be sure to have before you die?

• What’s the craziest thing you have ever done in public?

• If you could choose any career what would you be?

• How can I make love to you without intercourse?

• If you could spend a day with anyone who ever lived, who would you choose? Why?

• Who would you like to visit once in heaven?

• What “impossible” experience would you like to have?

• What is a recreational activity that you have never tried but would like to?

• Tell me two things you “want” from me and two things you “need” from me.

• If you could have lived in any time period, which would you have picked?

• Who has been the biggest positive influence in your life? Explain.

• Tell me about your first date.

• Where is the most adventurous place you would consider making love?

• What was the happiest time of your life?

• If you were a writer what would you write?

• If you could trade lives with someone for a week, who would you trade with, and why?

• What is the hardest thing for you to understand about the opposite sex?

• What is your favorite movie and why?

• What do you worry about?

• Name three things I used to do for you that you enjoyed that I have not done for a while.

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The above article is adapted from the book, Discovering the Treasure of Marriage, by Debbie L. Cherry, PhD, published by Life Journey (an imprint of Cook Communications Ministries, Inc). This book isn’t really about communication questions. That was just one of the many practical tools that is provided. As Debbie says of her book,

“This book is based on the basic biblical principal of ‘treasuring’ and will teach you how to apply this principal in all aspects of your marriage. Once you begin to understand the process of falling in and out of love, you will understand that by applying this simple wisdom from Scripture you can remain in love until death parts you. God knew we would make marriage harder than He intended it to be, and that we would put much more emphasis on the emotions than He planned. That’s why He gave us wisdom and guidance throughout His Word, and why He taught us the importance of treasuring our marriages.”

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