Imagine that we’re talking through some of the details of your marriage. I’ve just asked you to describe one of your most vivid romantic moments. Would you have to reach into the archives of your memory for a faded experience that you can hardly remember? Or would you be able to describe in detail, a romantic time recently shared with the one you love?

Too often we think that love in marriage should just be sustainable because of the wonderful relationship we started with before the wedding (or before the kids came along). But that’s such a fallacy! Just look at the divorce rate and ask yourselves how many of those couples, before they got married, and life slid them apart thought the same thing?

A love relationship is one that continually grows. It can either grow deeper and richer or grow shallower until it disintegrates into “nothingness.” It’s our prayer that yours will grow richer. But as the author, Doug Fields says, “Successful Marriages Require Our Best Efforts.”

For the remainder of this message we’d like to share with you some thoughts from Doug Fields, author of the bestselling book Creative Dating. The book we’ll be gleaning from this time is entitled, “Creative Romance” which unfortunately is no longer in print. But the principles he discusses in it are timeless.

We pray you’ll give them serious thought and then put your best efforts into action in making your marriage “successful” in every way —especially to the glory of God. Doug writes:

I find very few people who have trouble agreeing that a good marriage requires hard work. But most people struggle and get discouraged when they try to explain their own lack of dating and romance. There are countless excuses guaranteed to keep you from taking action when it comes to dating your mate. I know all about them —I’ve thought of several myself:

• What are we going to do with the children?

• I don’t have enough time.

• Dating costs too much money.

• There’s plenty to do at home.

• I’m too tired.

• There’s nothing to do where we live.

• We can’t ever get good baby-sitters.

• It’s too cold (hot) outside.

• I’ve got too much to do around the house.

It’s true. We can always think of excuses to avoid doing certain things. I can think of 10 reasons for not getting out of bed in the morning, and another 5 for not filling my car with gasoline. I can make all he excuses I want to, but eventually the pressures of reality will force me into action. The urgency of life tells me I’d better get out of bed and get gas in my car.

Otherwise, I’ll never make it to work, I’ll get myself fired, and I’ll end up without enough money for survival! I’m forced to do what I should, regardless of my excuses. That’s reality.

But as far as my marriage is concerned, the consequences of my excuses aren’t nearly as tangible or immediate. If I don’t take (my wife) Cathy out on Friday night—so what? Life will go on. I’ll still be employed. I’ll still be able to afford gas. I’m not forced to make any special effort toward our relationship because there appears to be no urgency.

I can continue not making deposits for a long time before my marriage account dries up. You don’t need to be a rocket-scientist to figure out that this sort of attitude lies behind the rapid deterioration of marriages. Our nation’s divorce rate is phenomenal. If it continues at the present rate, we won’t have any families left by the year 2008!

If you want to add life to your marriage, perhaps even save its life, you’d better do whatever it takes to bring romance and dating back into the picture. As I said there’s no quick fix. But if you’re willing to make the proper investments, you’ll find great rewards. So—in the face of all the excuses, let’s take a look at a few important ways you’ll benefit from dating your spouse.

~ Dating strengthens your relationship. It builds up marriages and helps solidify your marital foundation. Enduring relationships aren’t constructed out of fleeting emotions and occasional passion. They’re solidly built on quality time spent together, each partner investing in the other. Cathy and I have a date-night once a week. Almost without exception, our time of shared experiences and intimacy brings us closer together.

It’s not always easy and inexpensive to find a babysitter, but we place high priority on our weekly dates. And the value they add to our marriage can’t be measured in financial terms.

~ A long-term benefit of dating your spouse is the model you set in place for your children. One of the best ways we can demonstrate love to our children is by expressing affection to our mates. When children have observed their parents placing priority on dating and romance, they’ll carry that expectation into their own significant relationships.

~ Kids need to see quality, loving relationships in a world where those aren’t the norm. It’s not uncommon for kids to fear their parents will get a divorce —half of their friends are children of divorce, and many kids think it’s only a matter of time before it happens to their family. Your dating can relieve a tremendous amount of pressure from your children and set an example they’ll never forget.

Are you seeing the BIGGER PICTURE in the benefits of dating your spouse? Think through this illustration: There were two construction workers who were busy working on a huge brick-laying project. A passerby was curious about the future of the building. She stopped the workers and asked, “Just what is it you’re building?”

The first worker told her he was simply laying bricks trying to finish a construction project. When she asked the second worker the same question he stood and proudly explained to her he was helping to build a great cathedral. He was able to see the big picture, and was excited about the outcome. He viewed his job as a worthy task.

As you think about your own marriage situation you might want to answer that same question, “What are you building?”

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If what you’re aiming to build is a solid God-honoring marriage that reflects the love of Christ and is a “light-house” to the world of the beautiful love relationship a married couple can have when they grow in their relationship with Christ and with each other, we pray you’ll put forward your “best efforts.”To help you with that, we have a few things that you may want to read together. In the Archives section of our web site there are several Marriage Messages on this subject. A few of them are: #16 Dating Your Spouse, #17, 22 Minutes to a Better Marriage, #18 Resources to Help Couples, #21 Making the Effort to stay Connected, and #57 “Good Marriages Don’t Just Happen” (to name a few). 

You can also go to your local Christian Bookstore and purchase a few resources on the subject—and read them. You may run out of ideas yourself throughout the years but we’re blessed to live in a day and age where we have plenty of others who can help us in this mission.

Always know, our love and prayers are with you as together we work to make our marriages the best they can be in Christ,

God Bless!
Steve and Cindy Wright