Divorce takes place first in our spirit; then in our marriage. This is a Marriage Minute Truth from the couple’s devotional, Marriage Minutes— Inspirational Readings to Share with Your Spouse, by Robert and Cheryl Moeller.

This is a devotional book we recommend highly to couples who feel they don’t have much time to invest every day in their marriage. We ask, “Do you have a few minutes?”

We’re going to share two devotionals from their book (along with a few personal comments of our own after each one in parenthesis) just to show you the type of practical/ Biblical marriage help you can get from this resource if you’re willing to invest just a few minutes to your lives together every day. They read:

Divorce Takes Place First in Our Spirit;
Then in Our Marriage

“So guard yourself in your spirit; and do not break faith.” (Malachi 21:16b)

“When we lived in the desert Southwest, several members of our congregation were housed on a military base. Whenever one was hospitalized or in need of a pastoral visit, we first had to gain access to the base.

A sharply dressed young man or woman wearing Air Force blues with a dark beret would order us to halt. The person would approach our car, ask for identification, ask the purpose of our visit, then call the people we intended to visit to verify our identification. Only then did the sentry wave us through.

We could learn a lesson from the military when it comes to posting a guard at the gate of our marriage. We are warned to ‘guard yourself in spirit, and do not break faith.’ Why do we need to be vigilant as to what enters our spirit? Because we dare not allow bitterness, apathy, lust, unforgiveness, anger, or unfaithfulness to enter our hearts. They are the unseen, often undetected terrorists that will infiltrate and sabotage the sacredness of our marriage vows.

Divorce happens in the spirit before it happens in the relationship. It begins when sin infiltrates our hearts. So post a guard at the door of your heart and don’t be afraid to use the word, ‘Halt!’ It may save your home.”

 

 

(This goes with the suggestion we often make to couples which we’ve implemented in our own marriage. We never even let the word divorce enter our vocabulary in reference to our marriage. If the thought ever comes into our minds we throw it out like we throw out the trash. With that option being eliminated, we’re both secure in our commitment to each other and instead work to resolve our conflicts rather than find an escape hatch out of them.

The last thing we ever want to do is break trust with each other concerning the vows we made on our wedding day to each other and to God. And we certainly don’t want to entertain the enemy of our faith with the destruction the “D” word can bring into a relationship.)

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“Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.” (Revelation 2:4-5)

How many couples would experience significant conflict in their marriage if they showed each other the same kindness and appreciation they did during the first 6 months of courtship? Once we opened doors; now we slam them in anger. Then we whispered words of adoration; now we mutter under our breath. Once we noticed only their strengths and overlooked their weaknesses. Now we do just the opposite.

Jesus sadly told the church at Ephesus that it had forsaken its first love and had fallen from a great height. He told it that it needed to repent, to literally undergo a dramatic change of mind and direction. He urged its members to regain their first love for Him by acting out the love they once enjoyed.

There is a profound lesson here for all married couples. If we want to be in love again we must act in love. We must make the choice to speak and behave in loving and caring ways toward each other. We must do the things we once did when we beheld each other strictly through the eyes of affection and tenderness.

We can recapture our first love, and once we do we will realize that our love is fresh and new again. But we must first recapture our first attitudes and actions.”

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(We’ve told couples that say they feel so distant from each other and have fallen out of love with each other, “If you fell in love at one time you can certainly do so again—especially with the help of God whose very name means love. If He can’t show you how to love again, it can’t be done. But we know with God all things are possible to those who believe.” If God can raise the dead physically, it certainly isn’t impossible for Him to breathe love into those who are dead emotionally. The biggest problem is: are we willing to listen and follow what He outlines for us to do throughout His Word —the Bible? And are we willing to follow through with the promptings of His Holy Spirit? It first begins with a decision of the will, and then actions, and then the feelings of the heart will eventually proceed. As we’re told in the Bible in Ephesians chapter 5, “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” As the Moeller’s wrote, “We must do the things we once did when we beheld each other strictly through the eyes of affection and tenderness.” That’s so true— and something else that may help you in this is to look at your spouse through the eyes of God as if they’re autographed for just you by God Himself!) We hope these thoughts have been helpful to you. Again, the book we shared from is entitled, Marriage Minutes by Robert and Cheryl Moeller. It was published in 1998 by Moody Press, and is still in publication. You can obtain it through your local Christian Bookstore.Our love and prayers are with you as together we work together to reflect the love of Christ through our marriages.Steve and Cindy Wright