In counseling with men, I (Don) have seen tremendous need in their lives for authority and respect. I believe that for growth in Christ, men need to be dealing with spiritual issues as part of their duties. There is tremendous joy for men in church leadership, especially in a church that regards elders ‘or other lay leaders’ roles as a real ministry. In fact, Paul called such ministry “a fine work” (1 Timothy 3:1).

If your church does not encourage personal ministry, volunteer to begin a lay program to develop spiritual responsibility. Lead a men’s group, or as a couple, lead a marriage class. Become an elder or deacon if asked. God desires that you find His perspective on life, and spiritual leadership is vital to doing so. No matter what your gifts or abilities, seek counsel on a plan that helps you develop spiritual responsibilities in the home, in your church, or in Christian organizations.

Are you being mentored by someone, and are you in the process of mentoring another man? Remember the call: “The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also” (2 Timothy 2:2). Remember the axiom, “We only keep what we give away.”

ACCOUNTABILITY

As much as men like to be self-confident and independent, they have deep needs for counsel from others. Such counsel may include one or more people to whom a man in accountable and consults regularly. Men have a strong need in their lives for protection from wrong decisions, for wisdom in their marriage and in child rearing, and for encouragement in their jobs.

Several times in my life, I have had to make a significant decision that was difficult for me and somewhat threatening for my family. Finding myself suddenly under considerable emotional and professional pressure, and knowing I needed to provide a firm, directional family leadership, I quickly realized I could become vulnerable to Satan’s inevitable attack.

To protect myself and my family, Sally and I have always had an advisory group surrounding us to give wise counsel. We usually describe our situation to them and give a historical evaluation of Sally and myself. These men and women stand with us and always give honest feedback. More importantly, they rally to our support by helping us develop an aggressive plan for the future.

I usually am totally re-motivated, my wife trusts and respects my openness, and I have deepened my relationship with these people. The body of Christ demands our accountability to mature believers. God says, “Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed” (Proverbs 15:22).

The most natural place for a man to find mentors or wise counselors should be his local church. Begin to observe older couples and church leaders. Gather information concerning each leader’s expertise and areas of wisdom; then cross-check your observations with the pastoral staff.

After confirming your observations, decide which leader best fits your needs and seems most approachable. Ask him for a brief appointment. Most older people love to share their life experiences. If your wife and you seek joint counsel or mentoring, approach a couple. If you pray, God will lead you to the right person or couple.

In addition to looking in your church, you may find God’s choice at work, in the neighborhood, or in a Bible study group. Bigger decisions many times require several counselors for better perspective and for confirmation.

The above article comes from the book, 2 Becoming One by Don and Sally Meredith, published by Christian Family Life, Inc. In this book Don and Sally share time-tested principles and practical insights that will help you build a Christ-centered marriage. You’ll learn: The 6 reasons marriages fail, God’s three purposes for marriage, the two forces for change in a marriage, how to end the insult-for-insult cycle, and much more!

Don and Sally Meredith are marriage counselors who have taught relationship principles for married couples, parents, and adult singles for over 30 years. In 1971, they founded Christian Family Life, to further the training of lay people, and in 1976 co-founded the FamilyLife Ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.