That’s what financial expert Ron Blue and his wife, Judy, insist. They say, “what looks like money trouble in a marriage is almost always symptomatic of something else: a distorted view of money, a lack of understanding about the true purpose for marriage, or a basic inability to integrate the two and communicate effectively with your spouse about finances.”

Are you struggling in your marriage because of financial problems? Statistics show that “half of all marriages end in divorce —with the majority of these citing ‘money problems’ as the number-one factor in the breakup.” That’s pretty scary. Obviously, arguing over the finances can cause what seems like “irreparable damage” (as the statistics seem to bear out).

We received the following testimony a while ago from: www.smartmarriages.com and thought you could benefit from what it had to say. It was titled: “Money Control” by J. Taylor. He wrote:

A dear friend just told me that he and his wife were going to be filing for divorce after 20 years of marriage. What was the reason for their unhappiness? He says it’s because his wife has spent her way through his inheritance into more than $100,000 in debt. She says that he never told her they were in financial trouble; she thought they had plenty of money to pay for everything. And now that he was changing jobs and would be making the ‘big bucks’ he was dumping her.

The way I see it, they’ve got two things to talk about (in the counseling sessions that they agreed to have in order to save their marriage). No matter which one of them is at fault over their financial mess (probably both of them are) — they need to come up with a plan to dig out of it, whether they get divorced or not.

Their lifestyle will change. It will become simpler. Instead of going to the country club and socializing with other people, they’ll have to eat at home and hopefully, socialize with each other. Once the financial stress is lifted a little, maybe they’ll be able to focus more on their relationship instead of their financial problems.

That fits in with the second challenge for them — they need to talk and listen to each other. I’m certain that he told her many times that she needed to watch their budget for the month or something to that effect. He said it often enough to his co-workers. And there were mornings he went to work “spitting nails” because they’d been arguing about money.

His wife needs to listen to him and he needs to listen to her. They each need to set aside their hurt egos and feelings. Their marriage is worth saving — 20 years is a long time. And, they have a teenage son.

When I look into their futures as single people, I don’t see much good from a financial viewpoint. She’ll have custody of their teenager. She won’t be able to get a good paying job without more education or training, and he’ll have to support 2 households for 10 or more years. Their retirement savings will be split and neither will have enough to live comfortably. It’s enough to support one household — not two.

They’re both in their 50’s. He’ll have to defer retirement if his health permits. She’ll have to work, too. So money is an excuse— not the real problem.

I hope they give counseling a chance to help them salvage their marriage. It takes time, opening up to each other, and hard work. I hope they expend as much effort and time on fixing their relationship as they did on avoiding their problems.

Steve and I (Cindy), both sense that there are couples that receive these marriage messages that are struggling financially and feeling the tremendous strain of it in their marriage. We want to recommend a couple of resources that have helped so many. One of them is the book, Money Talks and So Can We by Ron and Judy Blue.

It’s a very well written book that’s practical and also inspiring because it’s written from a Biblical point of view. It helps couples to “bridge the financial communication gap” and helps you “combine your efforts to handle some essential monetary priorities (from the basics of developing a budget, to getting out of debt, to investing wisely, to creating a will, to the pros and cons of a dual-income household,” and more).

But it also gives a short course in effective communication, and conflict resolution, and helps you to develop a purpose statement for your marriage which is so important. It’s a wonderful resource to help couples work as a team, overcoming individual weaknesses and uniting strengths in many ways. We recommend this resource highly.

Another financial planning “help” is Crown Financial Ministries. They have wonderful resources that can be of great help for those who need them. Their Web Site is www.crown.org.

“The point is not how much or how little you have; it’s how you perceive and handle the resources God gives you” (Ron Blue). It’s our prayer you’ll work together as a team to handle whatever comes your way with prayer, and care — giving the Lord first place in your lives. We pray this information is a blessing to you.

Our love is with you as we work together to make our marriages the best they can be with the Lord’s continual guidance,

Cindy and Steve Wright

 Print This Page (printer-friendly)