It’s never too late to do what’s right. We all know that’s fundamentally true. So, why do so many of us continue to live believing” I/we can’t change” or “they’ll never change” or that “situation will never change?”

If you could read the E-mails we get every week from couples who have gone through what most would call “insurmountable” problems (infidelity, porn addiction, rage and anger issues, etc.), only to come out on the other side with a stronger marriage than they ever thought imaginable, it would reaffirm your belief (as it has ours) that doing what’s right—whether it’s late or not has it’s rewards.

Now the caveat to this is that while it’s never too late to do what’s right, you also have to have the will or desire to begin doing what’s right. Remember too, that we’re exhorted by God’s word to “not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Ephesians 6:9)

While the examples of this could be endless, for the sake of space, we’ll focus on the example of feelings.

You say, “I don’t have feelings for my husband/wife any longer.” If you’ve carried those feelings for a long time and you think it’s too late to change (doing what’s right), let me (Steve) share with you something I read last week. In his book, A Case for Faith, (by the way, this is an excellent book for defending faith in Christ)

Lee Strobel was interviewing Lynn Anderson about the difference between faith and feelings. Anderson shared a great story that applies to this example—it reads:

“A guy once told me, ‘I don’t like my wife anymore.’ My response was to tell him, ‘Go home and love her.’ But he said, “You don’t understand—I have no feelings for her anymore.’ I said, ‘I wasn’t asking how you felt.’ I was saying, “Go home and love her.” Then he said, ‘But it would be emotionally dishonest for me to treat my wife that way when I don’t feel it.

So I asked, ‘Does your mother love you?’ That seemed to insult him. He said, ‘Yeah, of course’. I said, ‘About 3 weeks after she had brought you home from the hospital and you were screaming with dirty diapers and she had to wake up dog tired and put her bare feet on a cold floor, clean up your miserable diapers, and feed you a bottle—did you ever think she enjoyed that?’

He said, ‘No.’ I said, ‘Well, then I think your mother was being emotionally dishonest.’

Here was the point I was making: the measure of her love wasn’t that she felt good about changing diapers, but that she was willing to do it even when she wasn’t feeling particularly happy about it.’”

Just like we can’t base our faith on feelings, we can’t base our marriage on the premise that we’ll always “feel” in love with our spouse. I (Steve) can assure you that all of the years that I suffered from low blood sugar (diabetic) reactions in the middle of the night which forced Cindy to have to get up and get sugar for me so I wouldn’t lose consciousness, she didn’t do it because she “felt” like it. She did it because she was committed to me, “No Matter What.”

Scripture doesn’t say, “Love never fails as long as I have feelings for you.” It simply says, “LOVE NEVER FAILS” period.

Henry and Richard Blackaby in their book, The Experience, share a few thoughts on this subject as well:

“The world gives love a staggering amount of attention. Love is presented as something to be ‘fallen into’ and ‘fallen out of.’ There is no solution given for what to do when the emotion (a.k.a. feelings) fails you and the warm fuzzies are gone—other than bailing out and starting over with someone else. You can recognize worldly love by how unpredictable it is.

The Bible offers a different kind of love. This love says I’m committed to act lovingly toward this person (husband/wife) regardless of how I feel. You’ll be able to recognize biblical love: It is patient, unselfish and loyal.”

They go on to say,

“If we’re not careful, Christians can begin to adopt the world’s way of loving instead of God’s. The world says, ‘Love is a feeling. When you stop feeling love for someone it means you no longer love them.’”

We would all agree that as followers of Christ we’re supposed to follow His standard for loving people rather than the worlds, right? Can you imagine that when Jesus saw us hopelessly enslaved to sin, he would have said, “I don’t feel like dying on a cross for them. I think I’ll wait until the feeling comes.” He didn’t say, “I’ve tried and tried to love them, but they always reject me. I give up!”

This is how God wants us to love our spouses. Not with strings attached, as the world loves. Not just as long as they’re lovable. Not just as long as they appreciate it. God wants us to give our love freely and unconditionally— just as He has for us.

So, if you’ve become hung-up on feelings, remember this: “It’s easier to act your way into a better way of feeling than to feel your way into a better way of acting.” In other words, “Love isn’t a feeling; it’s attitude in action.”

Remember that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

From these verses from the Bible we can see that love is described as more of an action than a feeling. Feelings often come later after we love through our actions. If you haven’t been displaying the love of God lately by how you’ve been acting—now would be a good time to begin because— it’s never too late to do what’s right.

May God help us all enter into a deeper relationship with Him and with our marital partner.

Because of the love of Christ,
Steve and Cindy Wright

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