There are few areas of married life which cause more yelling, pouting, and throwing of things than the financial area. One of the most frequent reasons given for divorce today is financial struggles and disagreements. To the extent that a couple is making different financial assumptions, it is likely that they will go through their marriage with some severe strains in this area.

The financial pressures of remarriage are frequently greater than a first marriage because of alimony, child support, and a wide variety of second marriage complications. Caution: These questions need to be addressed somewhat delicately but, at the same time, openly and honestly.

Make doubly sure your assumptions are compatible in this area today, and you will be half as likely to divorce tomorrow!

Ask each other the following questions.

1. If we inherited a million dollars, what would you want to do with it?

2. What percent of our income should we give to the church we attend? Why? What percent of our income should we give to charitable organizations?

3. How much income would you like us to make (together) this next year?

4. How long do you expect both of us to continue working outside the home?

5. Where would you like to live in five years?

6. What do you think about credit cards? How many credit cards do you have now? What are the debts on each? Which cards should we continue to have (if any)?

7. Will our income support the standard of living to which we are accustomed? If not, what adjustments are we willing to make after the wedding?

8. What should we do with my car? Your car? What kind of car would you like to drive in five years? Ten years?

9. About how much should we spend on clothing a year? How much do we currently spend a month?

10. Should we change our checking account arrangements (joint versus separate accounts)?

11. Who should write the checks for our monthly bills? Who should balance the bank statement each month? Why?

12. If we need a larger (or smaller) house, when should we begin planning for it? How can we afford it?

13. Do you think our children should be given a car at age sixteen? Why or why not? If so, how expensive a car, and for what reason?

14. Do you think children should be given an allowance? If so, how much at ages five, ten, fifteen, twenty-one? If not, why not?

15. How much should we spend a year on luxury items such as jewelry, furs, athletic equipment, trips, etc.?

16. What percentage should we tip a server who does an outstanding job? A poor job? An average job?

17. How much should you have to pay to have your hair cut? Styled? What is a suitable tip for these services?

18. How much life insurance should we have? Health insurance? What company? Which agent?

19. How do you feel about borrowing money from our parents, friends, or relatives?

20. How do you feel about loaning money to our parents, friends, or relatives? What if they couldn’t pay it back?

21. What percent of our income would we be saving?

22. How would you have the most amount of fun if we only had five dollars to spend some evening?

23. How much should we spend on special occasions like:

• Birthdays: each other’s, parents, children, friends, others

• Anniversaries: our own, parents, friends, relatives, others

• Other special days: Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day

• Christmas: each other’s gift, parents, children, other relatives, coworkers, friends, Christmas tree, decorations

24. Who should do the gift buying for birthdays? Anniversaries? Christmas? Other special days?

25. How do you feel about declaring bankruptcy? Is it ever OK?

26. What should be the dollar limit on purchases made without the other person’s knowledge? Why?

27. What are your feelings about a monthly budget?

28. Prioritize the following household items as to their importance to you.

____ Athletic equipment ____ Compact disc player ____ Color TV

____ Dining Room furniture ____ Food dehydrator ____ Dishwasher

____ Food processor ____ Hobby items ____ Freezer

____ Bedroom furniture ____ Living room furniture ____ Piano

____ Washer/Dryer ____ Microwave ____ Video camera

____ VCR or DVD player ____ Stereo system ____ Other: ________

29. What are your total financial obligations right now? Which debts should we try to reduce or eliminate first?

30. What are your financial obligations relating to alimony and child support?

31. What are your feelings about a will? How will each of our families be cared for in our new will?

32. What should the children inherit when we die? If there are children from separate families, how should our assets be distributed?

33. What investments do you have today? How do you see these investments after we are married? Who will manage them? Are they now a part of our will? Do you want to invest more money? How? When? [Key discussion at this point in the relationship].

34. How would you feel about paying bills that my former spouse created, and I am now obligated to pay?

35. What was the financial settlement from your divorce? May I see your divorce papers?

36. How would you feel about facing financial pressures that may develop in the future relating to my previous marriage? (e.g., How would you feel about appearing in court several more times, costing $5,000 each time?)

37. What are your feelings about a prenuptial agreement? Do we need one to protect ourselves and our assets? [A prenuptial agreement is a written legal statement made prior to marriage, stating your intentions regarding each of your assets, debts, etc.]

38. Where should the child support money go? Into a general fund, a separate checking account specifically for the child, etc.?

39. Are you willing to pay for counseling for my children? Children who don’t live with us?

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The above thoughts come from a small booklet entitled, “Pre-Remarriage Questions: Helping You Start Again” by Bobb and Cheryl Biehl. It is still be available through Amazon.com as a used book.

As the authors say, “The questions in this book are designed to help you in the process of seeing your fiance so clearly that you make a wise decision in the choice of your lifemate.” We so agree that this is important to do before marriage. You can’t ask too many questions. You need to know all you’re possibly getting yourself into by marrying this person.

Bobb and Cheryl Biehl have been married since August 22, 1964. Bobb is the founder and president of Masterplanning Group International www.masterplanninggroup.com and is a charter member of the Focus on the Family board of directors. Cheryl is an author/speaker and a charter member of Trinity Forum. Bobb and Cheryl have two adult children and enjoy scuba diving and European travel as hobbies.

 

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