For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. (1 John 2:16)

The following is written by Dr. Tim Clinton explaining how sometimes, when we’re caught up in a sinful relationship, almost without thinking, we bring God into it. Instead of heeding what we know God would not want us to do, we at first push “God’s admonitions aside and continue down the path” we’ve chosen for ourselves, doing “things we know God would not sanction, yet we become increasingly confident that God understands and actually approves our course. It’s a frightening paradox, and it ends with someone reaching spiritual rock bottom and stating, and meaning, some pretty remarkable things, like: “I believe God just doesn’t want me to stay in this marriage anymore.”

As Dr. Clinton writes:

God tells us we’re to love our spouses; Paul said men are to love their wives and give of themselves as Jesus gave Himself for the church. Wives are to love their husbands, submitting to them as we submit before the Lord. Satan, the world, and our flesh war with us and try to get us to do the opposite and all too often we comply.

Let’s look at what takes people to this point:

The first step in the downward spiritual spiral is the rationalization of sin. Usually it’s something small and seemingly insignificant. Yet, because it’s the first step, it’s significant. What makes it more so is that we rationalize hurting the person we’ve pledged to love.”

The steps in a Downward Spiritual Cycle:

1. You sin in some way against your spouse. The more often you go through the cycle, the more destructive the transgressions get.

2. You feel guilt and/or shame, but instead of repenting right away and seeking forgiveness, which is God’s way out of the predicament, you rationalize.

3. You see some value in what you’ve done. There’s a benefit there for you.

4. You convince yourself it’s something God would sanction. Or if He wouldn’t directly approve, as a loving God, He surely wouldn’t want you to suffer by not getting the benefit.

5. You fear that your true feelings might become exposed, so you keep what you’ve done secret.

6. You yield to temptation again. This takes you back to step 1. But this time, it’s much easier to yield to temptation because your heart is that much more hardened and you’ve reaped a benefit that you would like to get again.

And so the cycle continues. The cycle finally ends with your warping and fashioning God’s Word to your own ends. Subtly at first, blatantly later.

Although there are only a few steps to the cycle, it’s repeated with increasing frequency as time goes on and your relationships with your spouse and the Lord deteriorate.

[Editor’s note: The author, Dr. Clinton then goes on to tell of a married couple where the husband Carl is having a sexual affair. Below are a few statements Dr. Clinton gives, pertaining to Carl that can be so easily recognized as a pattern that others adopt in their own rationalizations of their behavior. See if you recognize them.]

• He (John) was beginning to feel above the Word, as if it applied to everyone else, but not to him —God loved him just too much to worry about a few minor infractions. So he started living his life with a princely arrogance instead of a godly humility. In biblical terms, John” heart was getting hard. For it to soften again, he would have to repent and begin to selflessly love his wife again. And he wasn’t ready to do that.

• John remained calm and self-righteous. And that’s the tragedy of the downward spiritual spiral — during the journey, the Word of God becomes so warped by a self-interest-based interpretation, that even the most flagrant sins become something God would sanction.

• When John first came into counseling, he told me, “God can’t want me to stay in this marriage. It’s against everything He’s given me. It hinders the career He’s given me, the friends He’s given me, the talents He’s given me. It’s against everything He’s given me for fun. Everything. How could He possibly want me to be married to that woman? How? It just doesn’t make sense.”

And, of course, we come to believe this because to not do so means we have to change: We have to repent; we have to humbly seek forgiveness; we have to begin living selflessly; we have to become vulnerable again and trust the Lord to keep our emotions safe as we recommit ourselves to Him. And we’re not ready to do that.

All this boiled down to one question: What about you? If you’re tolerating what you shouldn’t in your life, the seeds are being sown and taking root. Take real care. There aren’t many warning signs. Look seriously at how you behave in your marriage and, as truthfully as you can, ask yourself how far you’ve drifted from doing what, in your heart of hearts, you know God wants for your marriage.

Are you doing things that you know to run contrary to the Word of God but justifying them? Or do you feel in some way outside God’s law? It’s easy to do. After all, God loves us and promises to never leave or forsake us. And since this includes when we fall ingot sin, it’ easy to believe that whatever we do, we’ll remain in God’s graces. Are you counting on that right now? Remember, James 1:15b says quite pointedly, when you yield to sin, it leads to death. Separation. Brokenness.

If this is true for you, stop right now. Acknowledge your sin, come clean about it, ask God for mercy, accept His forgiveness, then discipline yourself to godliness. Don’t forget 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” If your sin has hurt anyone, you need to repair that as well. A clean heart like the one God speaks of in Psalm 51:10 is our road to freedom.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me”
(Psalm 51:10).

---

 

The above article came from the excellent book, Before A Bad Goodbye: How to Turn Your Marriage Around -by Dr. Tim Clinton, published by Word Publishing. As Dr’s. Les and Leslie Parrott say and we totally agree, “If you’re trying to reclaim a love that has nearly slipped through your fingers, you can’t afford to miss this outstanding book.” This book is filled with spiritual encouragements, cognitive tools, and practical behavioral suggestions and is a “must-read” for every married couple. We can’t recommend this book highly enough!

 Print This Page (printer-friendly)

 Email This Page