The Bible tells us we are to leave our father and mother and to cleave to each other after we marry. It also tells us to honor our father and mother. So how do we do both and make it work? After-all, for many of us, if not most, we’ve had a strong tie to our parents all of our lives. How do we “leave” them emotionally, putting our spouse first, without hurting our parent’s so they don’t feel dishonored or abandoned?
“Leaving your home does not mean you permanently withdraw and no longer have a good relationship with your parents. That’s isolating yourself from your parents, not leaving. The commandment in Exodus 20:12 to honor your parents means that when you leave them, you need to go with respect, love, admiration, and affirmation for their sacrifices and efforts in raising you.
“But you must make a break from them and sever your dependence on them. As time passes, you must be diligent to prevent any reestablishment of dependence at critical points in your marriage.” (Dennis and Barbara Rainey)
That isn’t always easy because some parents still feel like their “children” (even though their “children” are adults) should still put them first. Sometimes parents even try to re-establish their authority and/or connection in a way that undermines the new marriage. And that can bring major problems to this newer family unit.
And some “children” don’t really want to cause problems if there is some kind of tension between their parents and their new spouse so they either “look the other way” and figure their spouse will just have to work things out on their own, or they forget where their allegiance is now supposed to be now that they’re married.
So, how does this new couple “leave and cleave” in a respectful way?
To help with this issue, we are providing below a link to the web site of the ministry of Family Life Today which has an article posted that might give you guidance that could help.
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(CANADA) Thank you! This information helps a lot. Me and my husband have been married for 7 years and we no longer go to the Church where we got baptized and married. It is a very religious church (a lot of rules that have to be followed if you don’t want to be shunned). We have been going to a wonderful church that teaches the only way to be saved is by grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone as our savior. We have learned oh so much already. Anyway, just the other day my mom again mentioned how hurt they were that we didn’t keep and believe what they had taught me, and that it would make them very happy if we came back. I do love my parents but this helps me to follow where my husband leads.