If there’s any area in which we need to study our wives to serve them better, it’s here. Romance inspires her and brings feelings of intimacy to the surface.

Ask a guy what romance is, however, and he’ll mumble something about a candlelight dinner or a bouquet of roses. It’s more than that. It’s knowing what sparks her romantic motors. For some, it will be stuffed animals. For others, it’s the j word—jewelry.

Don’t ask us why. No man alive really understands the big deal about jewelry. If you tell us you do, we’ll call you a liar. The best we can do is shrug our shoulders and ask her which one she likes. She’ll [laugh] like a schoolgirl when you buy her those eighteen-carat gold earrings.

If we can put a guy spin on this, romance is serious business for women. A woman going through marriage without romance feels like a man who goes through life without sex. Much of the color of life disappears, and everything turns gray. We must study our wives because we need to find out what she thinks is romantic, not what [the Hollywood movie stars] Julia Roberts or Jennifer Lopez thinks is romantic. Once we find out what the “it” is, we should sacrifice for her.

When we make sacrifices for our wives, they find it romantic. Rhonda told us:

Paul hates shopping with a passion. Before we married, I often went to the mall with my mom and sister for leisure and relaxation. We never spent much, but window-shopping relaxed us. We just enjoyed being together and eating a Haagen-Dazs chocolate ice cream cone as we meandered around. Paul couldn’t understand our thought process in the least.

Our first few shopping trips together were disastrous, but then something changed in him. He knew that “mall crawling” was an enjoyable pastime for me, so he began to occasionally ask me whether I wanted to go to the mall to look around. He’ll even top off our time with a visit to the ice cream store or cookie stand. Haagen-Dazs or two chocolate chip cookies with white cream in the middle. What a choice! We have so much fun.

When we’re romancing our wives, we have to do what they think is fun and what they think is romantic. That shows we know them and care for them. Now, if your wife were to romance you, visiting a cookie stand wouldn’t cut it at all, but sitting down on a Friday night on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and watching an old Cary Grant movie? Exactly! It’s restful, and it’s romantic. You’re sharing the moment, sharing laughter, and sharing conversation. You’re relating to each other, and that builds intimacy.

Women love it when you prove you know them, spring little surprises on them, and somehow show you’re sacrificing to do things she loves.

That’s romance.

But it’s also romantic when you do things for her that she hates. We had a wife tell us she hates to wash silverware after meals. She would even scrub a crusty pan before tackling the silverware. Her husband knows this about her and will step in to wash the silverware for her—even if he doesn’t have time to wash the sink full of dishes.

Why is doing for her what she hates romantic to a woman? It proves you know her and have an intimate relationship with her.

Cheryl told us this story: “Sometimes I don’t want to do the mundane things like grocery shopping alone. It’s not one of Rod’s favorite things either. But he goes with me if I ask, and he makes it fun just because we’re together. And there’s been more than one classical concert he’s suffered through with me.”

Do you sense the romance here?

We do.

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