There are so many dangers and disappointments connected with the use of pornography that it’s disturbing and even frightening! Nothing like starting out an article sounding off an alarm, but it’s true!
Pornography (”pictures intended to arouse sexual desires”) and now Cybersex (”sexual arousal involving communication on the internet”) are dangers that we face in today’s world that can appear to be innocent and victimless, but the opposite is true.
Called a “closet addiction” viewing pornography and participating in Cybersex can seem like “harmless fun” (they’re often referred to as forms of “release from stress”) —yet they’re anything BUT harmless. They may be temporarily exciting and release something within a person, but getting involved with this fantasy world eventually heaps additional stress onto real life and relationships.
“Who says ‘Pornography doesn’t hurt anyone?’ Porn damages the viewer. Proverbs 6:27 says: ‘Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?’ The implied answer is ‘No.’ Lusting after people with our eyes and thoughts is equivalent to committing the sin with them (see: Matthew 5:28). Porn trains us to practice lust and live in a fantasy world. As a result, we burn with a lust that drives us to seek gratification. The memories resulting from our porn activities can last a lifetime and damage our ability to enjoy sex in our marriage.
“Pornography also can lead us down the destructive path of perversion. Pedophilia, homosexuality, rape and abuse are just a few of the many possible activities that porn promotes.
“Porn damages the viewer’s family. For example, your children could be tormented by any evil spirits that are tormenting you, or they may simply get hooked on porn when they stumble across your porn stash of computer files or magazines. Your spouse could be devastated if he/she discovers you’ve been committing “mental adultery” through porn. He/she may have difficulty ever trusting you again when they discover your secret life.
“It could take years for you to re-learn how to love your spouse and eliminate the stranglehold lust has on you. You may have to relearn how to have sex in a loving way, since you have become tuned for lust through porn.” (From the web site at www.porn-free.org)
So, viewing pornography and participating in cybersex is not a victimless past time. A person may find it to be temporarily satisfying and fun, but at what cost? No one person is an island in this world —other innocent people become involved in this as well, at their detriment.
Let’s face it, substituting fantasy can temporarily be funner than investing in and working through problems that arise in real relationships—that’s a given! But that’s only for a season, and the damage it causes for it’s fleeting pleasures can last a lifetime.
Eventually the real world and “others” demand the need to be faced. Reality comes back with a vengeance and real consequences occur, such as broken relationships, harmful reoccurring memories, money spent, lost job and opportunities, etc… just as with any addiction. And porn and cybersex CAN be addictive! It’s a type of fantasy world to the highest level!
The tragic thing is that most people who get caught up into pornography don’t realize how addictive it can become. Just like those who smoke tobacco or do drugs or become alcoholics, there is a pull — a drawing in power that causes people to keep going back for more, dismissing the dangers.
And let’s face it, which addict ever thought that they would be the one who would get addicted to that which they were “playing” with? It potentially can happen to any one of us who gets involved. “Pride” or thinking something could never happen to us comes before a fall, or “disgrace” as the Bible says in Proverbs 11:2.
It’s important to be careful in our actions as well as our judgments of others, lest we could become a potential victim of the harm that pornography and cybersex can cause.
“Pornography, a closet addiction, grabs you when you’re weak and holds you in its clutches. Just one more time, the lie draws you in. One more look, you click your way around the sticky Web. Lost in a fantasy world, porn becomes your focus and your drive. Denying the impact of addiction only covers the pain you are causing to yourself and others.” (Quote found on Growthtrac.com in their Pornography in Marriage section)
If pornography and particularly cybersex wasn’t so accessible, it could be easier to escape, but it isn’t:
“We often hear the expression, ’surfing the Web.’ But a better metaphor may be ‘walking on the beach’ because your footprints follow you wherever you go. All browsers, Netscape, Internet Explorer, AOL, are equipped with a cache—a temporary file that saves a copy of any HTML pages, images or files that you access for quick downloading later.” (From the article “The Dangers and Disappointments of Pornography” formerly posted on Pureintimacy.org)
There’s one of the catches in all of this —there is a snare that grabs those who give the enemy of our faith and the great deceiver any type of foothold. Temptation is more than accessible and willing to grab us at any moment!
For this reason, it’s important to pay attention to the Bible where it says,
“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering” (1 Peter 5:8-9).
Whether it is you, or someone else you are helping, trying to escape the web of pornography and cybersex, here are additional warnings the Bible gives:
“If someone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:1-2).
It’s difficult to even know how to continue with this article. But the best way seems to be to refer you to additional articles written by those who have a lot of knowledge and experience in teaching and helping you with this issue.
We’d like you to start out by reading the following that we have posted on our Marriage Missions International web site because we believe it will give you a good overview:
• QUOTES ON PORNOGRAPHY AND CYBERSEX
And then we’d like to direct you to two web sites put together by the ministry of Focus on the Family which have a variety of articles posted that could answer a host of questions you may have:
• ARTICLES FOR MARRIED COUPLES
• ARTICLES ON PORNOGRAPHY AND CYBERSEX
IN ADDITION: You may also find the following articles to be helpful. Please click into the web site links below to read:
This article was composed by Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International.
If you have additional tips you can share to help others with this issue, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
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(USA) I’ve been free of pornography for a little over 2 months now. This is not the same thing as not having viewed pornography for 2 months though! I’ve gone that long and longer plenty of times over the years but kept returning over and over.
How many times have you been looking at pornography and have told yourself "I don’t want to do this"? I’ve done that so often, and even said those words out loud as I was looking at porn on the internet. How many times have you resolved to quit, and have had a few days of success, but then find yourself viewing porn again? How much do you feel like a failure because you don’t have enough self-control to overcome this on your own? Its a vicious cycle that continues until it is broken.
For those of us that are the independent type, this is the hardest thing to overcome because it simply can’t be done without outside help. I’m sure for so many people, the only thing worse than being involved in pornography, is letting someone else find out. It’s the only way out though. The moment you tell someone; a close friend, your pastor, anyone you trust, that cycle is broken! I actually physically felt something when I finally did this. It was like my heart leapt or something. I don’t know how to explain it, but it was the first step of what has been a wonderful 2 months of glorious freedom!
The last night I ever viewed pornography, I was at my end. I searched for help with this on-line and discovered http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com. I highly recommend the course they offer. It is free, although supported through donations. Also, they provide a mentor that will hold you accountable to get through this 60 day course.
I didn’t know what it would mean to be free from this. I knew I didn’t like pornography, but I had no idea the affect freedom from it would have on my marriage, on my self-confidence, and even how I view sex with my wife. It used to be something I enjoyed of course, but I’m discovering now God’s real plan for sex. It’s way different that viewing porn would have you believe!
I could go on for hours, but I encourage you, if you’re trapped in pornography, try the course at http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com.
(PAKISTAN) Thanks for writing this article. It is very informative. Actually, in recent times, the social problems had been increased very high. Many people use new inventions for bad uses and for fulfilling their self pleasure. Pornography is not a new issue but now with the help of the internet it is very easily accessible. Many people think it is not a wrong thing but they don’t know its dangers so I think it is very nice of you to present such informative material.