Whether you realize it or not, the workplace gives people the opportunity where romance has the chance to bud and eventually bloom. When you’re together in an environment where you’re together so many hours in one location with people of the opposite sex, and you have so much in common, things can happen in the romance department. And that can be an okay thing if both of you are single. But if one or both of you are married —THAT’S a problem.
Whether one or both of you is in an unhappy marriage, there’s no excuse for being unfaithful. It’s a matter of integrity even if your marital partner isn’t a person leading a life of integrity. And even though it started out completely innocent and you “never meant for anything to happen” it still gives you no excuse to allow yourself to let your relationship continue on where you are unfaithful to your marital partner, or to someone else’s.
The workplace is becoming all the more the spot for infidelity to take place. People’s standards in this day and age are being lowered even more than years ago (or at least we’re hearing more about it) and they are giving themselves permission to do things that are wrong, all in the name of “love.”
To explain this further and give additional insights, there is an article posted on the web site for Focus on the Family that we would recommend you read. If you have comments to make afterward that would be helpful to others, please feel free to arrow back to our web site, and make them on the space provided below.
To read the article, click on the link provided below:
• The Workplace Romance: The New Infidelity
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(USA) I am married to a very charismatic, fun-loving, handsome, man. He is upper management in a construction company. I will say that the workplace is a concern for our marriage as he is very friendly to the attractive women and goes out of his way to help them. They in turn, flirt, send emails asking to stop over to his office, and at a work party (no wives invited). One tried to offer "anything he wanted" he said she was drunk and he drew the line and said no. MY concern is why was he hanging out with her in the first place? He is in his 40’s and the women are mostly in the late 20’s or early 30’s. I am concerned about this and do not know what to do.
(SOUTH AFRICA) My husband has had two affairs in the last three years, both being women from the office. He seems to connect with other woman "in distress" and gets emotionally involved as a listening partner which leads to romance. I, as a result, have such a problem with believing him if he comes home late or has to "work overtime" on a Sunday etc etc. This has caused such problems in our marriage and as a result he has moved out and says he needs to be alone to think.
He has been gone for six weeks now and says he will re-consider if he still wants in this marriage after six months. Where does this leave me? What should I do? I still love him but as the days go by I feel the "love flame" slowly going out. Should I intervene?
(SOUTH AFRICA) Dear Linda, I fully understand your concerns regarding romance in the workplace. I have watched with concern, members of our staff attending office functions and having too much to drink. This always leads to flirting and inevitably in most cases they end up "leaving together" and romance or just a one night stand is in the air.
Why do wives not get invited to these office functions? If management would only open their eyes and see the damage caused to the staff and their families (and ultimately to the company) they would think twice.
Linda, I think you should voice your concerns to your husband and insist that he only just pops in for a few minutes to these office functions. Hopefully this will eliminate any possibility of temptation should it come his way. Should he want to stay longer he must make sure that he picks you up so that you can join in. I am sure the company would not mind.
(USA) My wife and I were having problems as all of us do and we were at one of those low points in the marriage and I was forced to quit my job. I still worked but was not bringing in the money I was with the job I had previously. Also I had an on off drug problem but nothing illegal, prescription drugs and I drank beer mostly but eventually quit.
Anyway, I did some stupid things but nothing to deserve an affair. My wife was discouraged and tired of the same old stuff and me, and got too close to someone she works with. Although I never actually caught them in person, I found phone receipts with his # a million times on them, she started buying sexy clothes and underwear and other weird perverted habits, and the whole time she had cut me off.
I started finding all kinds of things and she was never like this before until she gave into temptation with this creep. They are still doing something from time to time and she still works with this guy. She also, I believe, was going through menopause and that did not help. Plus all the lying and denying and deception.
We’ve had no counseling really and we have prayed together. So far we are still together but after 30 years it’s hard to know what to do. This started happening in 1998, 1999 or there about. She says she wants to work it out between us and denies most of it because she doesn’t want me blabbing to her boss and the guy’s wife. She must be really naive or clueless or just doesn’t know or care.
We have been trying to work it out. I did catch her in a hotel by phone just on a whim one day. She laid low for a while but I believe they just took it further underground. I have talked to so many people, Christian and others, and am trying to stick it out the best I can. I pray constantly and have others praying for me. Please help with prayers for me, if you can. God bless all, Charles.
(USA) I came upon this website looking for something to ease hurt, give me strength and guide me. I have read several articles and comments and felt perhaps I can get help here. Please do not think badly of me, however, I will confess I just recently ended a relationship with a married man… and I too am married. He was someone I worked with for a few years, I never really looked twice at him until one day he asked me to lunch. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary as I went to lunch with people everyday. We talked about our families, shared stories and pictures of our spouse and children. He started to send emails with jokes and asked me to lunch on a weekly bases. When he made a special trip to take me to lunch on my birthday he kissed me. That was how it all started.
We both had agreed that we were very happy with our lives, our marriages, we loved our children and wanted in no way to put any of that in harms way. However, the pull towards each other was overwhelming. We were so attracted to each other, had such a connection we chose to be together. I had this affair for 4 years. We never told the other that we were in love, but passion always stressed what we did not actually say.
Guilt was getting to me, I had gone into a depression so badly I went onto medication. I left my job thinking that would remove me from the situation without having to end it in person. However we continued. I always gave in when he called. I finally gained the strength to end it. I wrote a good-bye letter and stated that what we were doing was wrong and was not fair to his wife, my husband our children or even each other. I asked to not be contacted again and promised that I would not contact him.
I know I did the right thing…however, the grief, heartbreak, loss and over all sadness I feel right now is so painful. I feel as if I lost not only my lover but my best friend. Even that thought bothers me. I remember there was a point in time that my husband was my wonderful lover and my best friend I want him to be again! I do still very much love him and I know that is my husband’s place in my life and heart. I had often wondered why I had this other relationship. I thought there was nothing wrong with my marriage. I find myself in prayer constantly, begging God to please help me, please forgive me Father, wash away my sins. But can I forgive myself?!
(USA) Hi Faye. Like all other temptations and hard-to-break habits you are going through a phase of transition from wrong to right. It’s great that no matter how strongly you feel about the adulterous relationship you are fighting against it.
Adultery is wrong and it’s time to stop believing the enemy’s lie that there are greener pastures out there. We are made to believe that the ones we are not married to are the better ones. This stops us from working on our legitimate relationships and increase the strain. Most people who remarry for the wrong reasons realise that all marriages are exciting in the first phase and become more ordinary with time (and there is nothing wrong with that). I think it’s good to embrace our relationships at all stages and get the best of each moment in time.
I am in a battle against my anger and I try hard to restrain myself when I’m tempted. The Bible says resist evil and it will flee from you. So your pain will gradually go away since you have chosen God’s way in the battle. It takes practice and it gets better and better as you meditate on the Word of God, embracing the real truth. Just remember that our “realities” are not what they seem because our battles are not against flesh and blood but evil spirits awaiting their end.
Congratulations on putting more value on the marriage that God put together. Keep the good fight of faith and remember many marriages are under different kinds of aggresive battles. It’s up to us as Christians to keep doing the will of God and remember he is watching our every thought, word and action.
(SOUTH AFRICA) My husband has shared with me that there’s a lady at work that he’s been innocently flirting with for a few weeks now, (she is single), and now she’s making advances on him. When he woke up this morning and after he was praying, he confessed that he was thinking about her a lot of lately. He asked for my help. How can I help him which scriptures? Can you suggest something and what should I do or how should I react as his wife? I love him very much and I do not want to be the pushing him toward this woman.
(USA) Hi Nobe, I am glad that your husband has an honest relationship with you. Thank God for that because you can do something before things get out of hand. I have a few verses that came to my mind. You are right. In problems like this one, nothing can really help except God’s word and prayer. It’s good that both of you fear & trust the Lord enough to seek his divine counsel. Keep that up in everything you do.
Job 31:1
Job 31:11
Proverbs 2:16-19
Proverbs 5
Proverbs 7
(SOUTH AFRICA) I just discovered that my husband has an affair with the lady he works with. There is a tendency for people to have affairs with their colleagues. What I fail to understand is that my husband is a born again Christian. I can’t figure it out is, when did he backslide and walk into this sin? The affair has been going on for over a year now. He keeps on telling me that he loves me. My question is how can you love me and go and have an affair? We are attending marriage counselling and we’ve separated. We’ve been married for 8 years and have a 6 year old daughter and a 20 month old son.
To make things worse I have discovered that 2 other ladies have separated with their husbands because their husbands have had affairs with the ladies they work with and these men are my husband’s colleagues. I was thinking of writing to the human resource department of the company and complaining about this. Is it right to do that? Regards, Dudu
(UGANDA) Like all have said, it takes prayer and intergrity of the highest order to fight such battles in a work place.
As much as possible for the married invest time in your marriage, let work have limits, parties also should have limits, i dont see why an organisation refuses people to bring there companions for such functions.
JULIUS